Holy Goatfucking, Batman!

Bam! Pow! Comics are growing up!

Smart, Cool, Immortal

Having exhausted the Make-A-Word test (I don't expect to improve upon my Living Dick status), I thought I'd check out some of the other tests on the same site.

They're not as much fun.

74% scored higher (more stupid),
4% scored the same, and
22% scored lower (less stupid).

What does this mean? You are 22% stupid. This means...
You are far from stupid. Congrats on a great accomplishment!

Thanks, I'll add this to my resume.

52% are cooler, and
48% are more of a loser than you.

What does this mean?
With this score, you are a normal individual

And this too.

You are going to die at the grand ol' age of:
79

Ha fucking ha. I'll die when I feel like it.

Today Master - Tomorrow Commander

Finally. The very reason for my absence was of course to get time to play Make-A-Word! Prophecy fulfilled! I am a master! I must be somewhat awesome too! (Never mind that Koala is the Jebus of words or something like that.) My eyes are bleeding now so I guess I better go to bed. Good night everybody. Hopefully I'll see you again.

Where the Poodles Sing

Hi there !! It's me Sammy and I'm here to tell you that I think it's wonderful to have this super meister aboard. Since he's so fucking great with words and all I have decided to take a little leave of abscence. Hoo-ray for me!! I'm free like a flying demon. But Uncle will be back on friday. Until then.... Just say no, or whatever.

Here's the poodle.

The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived

I seemed to be stuck at Grandmaster, but finally...

This is how your score compares to others who have done this same puzzle:

3% scored better,
0% scored the same, and
97% scored lower.

You Rank #10 out of 321 players.

This places you in the top 4% of players, which gives you a rank of:
Living Dictionary

(This is quality blogging.)

Avert Your Eyes, Peasants

Remember back when I told you that you had to call me Master from then on? Well, fuck that. A few minutes later I was awarded my proper title, Grandmaster, and you will of course address me as such, or perish at the stake.

Creepy Fanmail

This is an actual letter I received awhile ago. I didn't call the cops, but perhaps I should have. It spells out "Give us Marco Polo part 3 or else!" with letters cut out from newspapers and glued to the paper. It's signed "Secret Guy", but I think I've figured out who is behind it.

Sadly, nobody else seems to care about Marco, so the continuation of his adventures is currently not a priority. Sorry.

Bow Down Before Me

And English is my second language! Truly, I am awesome. You will all call me Master from now on. But feel free to make an attempt at greatness yourselves, peasants:

Make a Word is a word game in which you are presented a 3 by 3 matrix of letters. From these letters you are to make as many words as possible in 2 minutes using any combination of the letters. Letters may be use as many times as necessary, or not at all. Words must be 3 to 10 letters in length, and must be real words (no acronyms or proper nouns).

(This link was sent in by Superblog!!'s sixth biggest fan, the Mook.)

Photo #48: The Lost Soul

As promised the day before yesterday; the Lost Soul. It's totally obvious that this ole gambling woodcutter is extremely lost. The Very Strange Man on the other hand...He wasn't lost at all. He was a man with a mission.

Why Linköping Sucks, Part #4202: Stadskampen

Hooray! Today all eyes of the nation are upon the hometown of Superblog!!, as the gigantic TV spectacle Stadskampen ("Battle of the Cities") comes to Linköping! (If you click on some of the video clips available here, you may or may not get a view of where I live. Incredible!) I've never actually watched it, but from what I gather it's a kind of gameshow where a few contestants represent each city, and the townspeople are supposed to help them out somehow. The sports include Holding Your Breath, Peeing in a Jar, and the hardest one, Smearing Yourself with Peanut Butter and Letting Pitbull Terriers Lick It Off. Or maybe I just made those up because I don't know.

In connection with this, there are a lot of entertaining events:

- Lattjo Lajban kl. 15.30
- Idol kl. 16.30
- Uppträdande med Amy Diamond kl. 17.30

And to think, people used to say nothing exciting ever happens in Linköping! How wrong they were!

This all takes place at Cloetta Center, "Sweden's third largest entertainment arena". I've always hated Cloetta Center, partly because Cloetta Fazer is an enormous chocolate manufacturer with pockets as deep as the Grand Canyon, and yet they got to purchase the right to name the arena (paid for by Linköping's tax payers) for just a couple of million Swedish crowns. That sounds like a lot of money, but you should bear in mind that Swedish currency is almost worthless. To put the millions in perspective, a Big Mac menu costs around 60 crowns in Sweden. (I don't know the exact price, I don't eat at McDonald's. Mostly for obscure political reasons, but also because I hate looking at fat people. Fat people are the most disgusting thing in the world. I say that knowing full well that a great many fat people are reading this, including some of my friends. Listen, guys, I love you, but it's time you faced up to the fact that you're despicable and vile and should be put to death for the good of the nation.)

What was I talking about? Oh, fuck it.

Photo #47: Very Strange Man

This is a somewhat disturbed person we saw on the ship of death. When we feasted upon the smorgasbord he was seated beside me and being the nice person I am I tried to make some conversation. I asked him something like: So, what line of work are you in Sir? (I never actually called him sir..)
What I got in response was: None of your fucking business ! Or was it: Why do you ask about things like that?
Eh.. maybe he wasn't that strange or maybe he was.... We'll never know I guess. Or care. BTW, did I mention that he wore white sneakers?

After this load of bullcrap let's have some more smorgasbord!

The word smörgås means something like "open sandwich", and bord is the Swedish word for "table", but still a smörgåsbord is not a table full of sandwiches. This specialty instead consists of a number of small dishes, from which you can take your pick. An average smörgåsbord may, for instance, contain a number of herring dishes (sweet-pickled herring, pickled herring with onions, mustard, dill, etc.), Swedish meatballs salmon, pies, salads, 'Jansson´s temptation' (sliced herring, potatoes and onions baked in cream), eggs, bread, boiled and fried potatoes and so on. Smörgåsbord was served already in the18th century but at that time it was used as an appetizer before the main course. Gradually, however, it has become a meal in itself. Today few people ask for more after having tried everything on a smörgåsbord.

Fish balls are nice too. Never forget that on the ship of death's smorgasbord you can also have all the wine and beer you can drink for approx. 90 minutes. Makes all the difference in the world between a bad smorgasbord and the excellent one.

Gluing Rules

I never blogged today... :-(
For some stupid reason I've been gluing large chunks of paper on different walls. It felt very similar to blogging anyway.

All Trekkers are Pedophiles

No, no, no. You're looking at a guy who got a proud "Pass" (without Distinction) when I took Logic and Discrete Mathematics at University, so I'm fully capable of drawing logical conclusions, thank you very much. Just because all pedophiles are trekkers doesn't mean vice versa is true.

But you know what? All pedophiles are heavily into Star Trek:

While there may be quibbling about the exact numbers^*, the Toronto detectives claim that the connection is undeniable.
In fact, Star Trek paraphernalia has so routinely been found at the homes of the pedophiles they've arrested that it has become a gruesome joke in the squad room.

^*That's because it was previously claimed that...

All but one of the [over 100] offenders they have arrested in the last four years was a hard-core Trekkie.
[Yale cyberlaw expert Ernest] Miller was skeptical but the [Toronto police Sex Crimes Unit] basically stood by their story--at the least, a "majority of those arrested show 'at least a passing interest in Star Trek, if not a strong interest.'" Not just an interest in science fiction generally, mind you. But Star Trek.

See the first link for an attempt at explaining this disturbing but perhaps not entirely unexpected correlation. (I mean, Superblog!! always knew Star Trek fans were freaks, we just didn't know they were all potentially dangerous freaks. Incidentally, I almost used this image to illustrate this blog entry.)

This seems as good a time as any to announce Superblog!!'s Site of the Day!

Join Our Strip Club

Since a lot of people never check the comments section, you've probably missed this comic strip by Goo, starring Koala and Sammy (though it doesn't look much like us. IRL, I'm more like Sammy in the strip. And vice versa)... and guest starring our fans and lovers Sara and Moocko.

I was deeply impressed at first, because I thought she had made in with clipart or something. But then It turned out she'd actually used some kind of Uzbekistanian comic strip generating machine. Evil!

Anyway, I tried to use it too and it was a smashing success! Here's my first attempt, Sans Titolo (sic!). When reading it, please keep in mind that the guy with the magic guitar is the hero. (The guitar is invisible at first, but just keep reading and it will pop up eventually.)

My second strip, The Little House on the Prairie, is about the senseless violence that surrounds us. I hope it makes you laugh LONG and HARD.

Haha! Did you notice I had an opportunity to make a penis reference, and I didn't take it?! Truly, I have matured.

I Am Nerdier Than 56% of All People

44% scored higher (more nerdy), and 56% scored lower (less nerdy).
What does this mean? Your nerdiness is: Somewhat nerdy. I mean face it, you are nerdier than about half the test takers.

Hat tip: Sara

UPDATE! Slightly larger hat tip to Koala. He blogged about this a long time ago when Sara wasn't even born. But I'm still nerdiest of course..

This is Fucking!

Here are some basic facts for you:

We really, really like to use the word fuck here at Superblog!!
A lot of Superblog!! visitors comes from the U.S.
A lot of people in the U.S. sucks at geography.

This means.... Geography time at Superblog!! And to be more precise, Austrian Geography!! Let me introduce you to the little charming town of Fucking.

Fucking is a small settlement (population c. 150), part of the municipality of Tarsdorf, in the Innviertel region of western Bavaria. It is near the city of Salzburg. The village is known to have existed as "Fucking" since at least 1070 and is named after a man from the 6th century called Focko. "Ing" is an old Germanic suffix meaning "people"; thus Fucking, in this case, means "place of Focko's people".

There! Now you all know a little bit about Fucking!

Superblog!! - We'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. .

This is What Who Fuck

Yes. Apparently you haven't seen Star Wars, Episode III until you've seen it as The Backstroke of the West:

i was walking past my friendly dvd salesperson and decided to check out revenge of the sith. [...] the captions were a hilarious surprise- a direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying. it varied from being somewhat close to the script to being 'far far away'....

When you tire of that, here's a few more funny screencaps.

(I stole the first link from The Beat, which is fine, considering this is clearly ripped off from Superblog!!)

"I am more more than any hero's geologic change's strong and big."

Photo #46: A Bloody Heart of Rump

Evening all. After a careful examination of all the photos from our journey I decided that a little heart of rump could be nice to look at. It's from Brazil! Meat from Brazil rulez! I have no idea why I took that photo. Feel free to look at it as long as you want. It will now remain on the internet until 2012.

You Fucking Munchers!

Sammy: We are on a ferry to the kingdom of Åland. Fukk U for not being with us. We give. Do you give? No fucking way.

Koala: This is an incredibly stressful situation. The seconds are ticking away and we're trying to write something worth reading... and, I expect, failing spectacularly. We're both pretty drunk... or are we?

Yeah, this would have been Sammy's cue to take the keyboard, except he pissed away to the toilet. Wanker! is what I would have called him if I was of British descent.

Sammy: Koala thinks he's fokkin smart. He's not. I rule in real life and I rule in every life you poor suckers caould ever imagine and I'm the rich one. Manchester U!!! Water water water, is wet wet. Koala wants to write.

We: Yeah. Sammy fed the disgusting machine with a few crowns more so actually we have all the time in the world. Sammy asks me to tell you that we would like to see you all dead, and that's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's it.

Peace, love, and fucking...

Koala & Sammy

p.s. Give me a pie. d.s.

On the Stormy Sea, No One Can Hear You Scream

Except for your fellow passengers, of course. And the crew. And seagulls and walruses, and Michael Keaton, who hears all. This movie poster, like all movie posters, lies. Filthy lying movie poster! Sigourney Weaver will not accompany Superblog!! on its third trip on the Ship of Death to Åland, this weekend. A couple of other people have been invited to join us, but I predict they won't show up - because they are pussies. Instead we will have to harass strangers we meet on the boat.

Fun Fact: Did you know that on Superblog!!'s first trip to Åland, we saw a guy on a bike get hit by a truck?! (Also we had our picture taken by Anna Book.)

And on the next trip (live report available here), perhaps not quite as dramatic or exciting, we saw a mysterious man wandering about, trying doors that were locked!!

(Come to think of it, the most exciting thing that happened on that trip was that Superman - or a guy dressed like him - was on the same bus as we on the way to Stockholm. The most dramatic thing was probably the crying little girl who promised to commit suicide because of her domestic situation. But rest assured everything worked out in the end, and today that little girl is not only still alive, but now she's the Princess of Sweden!!) (Okay, so that last part was a lie.)

This time, we will catch a Lost Soul and photograph him or her. Unless the waves swallow us whole before we have a chance. Which they surely will. They don't call it the Ship of Death for nothing, you know.

And that would be fitting, because this blog entry is overflowing with internal links, so much so that it almost seems like a "Best of Superblog!!" round-up or something. Could this be the end... of everything?

*Sob* Is this the last you'll ever hear of Superblog!!...?

Did You Know Cuba Gooding Jr. Has a Father?

Well, incredible as it seems, he does. His name is Cuba Gooding. He's a soul singer. Or at least he was, before he got very very old (he's 61!). You'll find to your astonishment and satisfaction some additional information enclosed in this here link.

I nominate this Superblog!! entry for the Superblog!! Greatest Superblog!! Entry of All Time Award, given out to deserving Superblog!! entries every once in a while. Cast your votes now.

Photo #45: The Pig

I know this cat. It is not my cat. It sits on the mat which is flat. Once it was named Tiger. Not any more. I renamed him because he got so fat. I named him the Pig. Here Piggy, Piggy I use to say. He says meeow or something like that. Mjau perhaps.

(Don't go away now. I'll be right back.)

BUY THIS HUNGRY PET FOOD MAT NOW!!!

BUY THIS CAT NAPPER MAT!!!
Very cozy and comfortable for your feline.

I like cats.

You Can't Spell "Success" Without a Nice Rack

Hey kidderinos, I just had a couple of (fiveish?) beers and watched some Stockholmian singers at a place called Flamman (The Flame), to prove I'm still a student at heart. Now I'm just popping in right after midnight to inform you that August 17th was, as far as we can determine, the most highly trafficked day in Superblog!! history. Isn't that something? Granted, we owe a part of our success to the chest of Carla Gugino, which still draws at least a few dozen Googlers every day. You think people come for our wit and wisdom? Think a-fucking-gain! It's the tits!

If I logged off on a downer like that I wouldn't be able to sleep. So instead I'll leave you with this:

Amazing Fucking Coincidence of the Day: Did you realize Ms Gugino was in both Sin City and Spin City? OMG!!! God exists!

Mystic Pizza Follow Up

This is the outside of this inside. Free cruise tickets will be awarded to Sara and Afe for their outstanding efforts. The Superblog!! crew and your precious cruise tickets will be waiting for you in Stockholm on Saturday. We just need your credit card numbers in order to confirm your winning status. And yeah, wind power! It's both the past and the future!
I often think that wind power might be to toasters what Superblog!! is to our fans.

Pawn Shop Adventures

Pardon me for not blogging until now but I've been busy taking advantage of other people's misfortunes. In short, I've been to Linkoping's monthly pawn shop auction. I wish that Superblog!! could start to pay off soon so I could buy new stuff, but until then I'm fine with used DVDs. I'm also pleased by the fact that the junkies of Linkoping who stole them in the first place can get their drugs. Marcet economy. Everybody wins!

Some of the DVDs I bought today: The Godfather: part II and III, Donnie Brasco, The Patriot (with Steven Seagal).

Mr. Seagal must be seriously out of touch with his audience. People who go see his movies expect action, violence, stunts and martial-arts combat: what they get here instead are a lot of boring speeches and sequences teaching us that oriental/traditional remedies are better than western medicine, that biological warfare is a bad thing, that militia members are a bunch of overweight or underage weirdos in camouflage outfits, that native americans (especially their elder) are always wise and peaceful and so on.I thought "On Deadly Ground" and "The Glimmer Man" were bad, but compared to "The Patriot" they both look like serious contenders for an Oscar. There's more action in a Meg Ryan picture than in this film.

Well, I can live with that review. I got 18 DVDs for 300 kronor which is like $40 and whoever has the most DVDs when he dies wins.

Film Review: Fantastic Four

Okay, so I haven't seen this movie myself, but my uncle Sammy has, on some crappy pirate transfer with a part of the picture obscured. He tried to get me to watch it too, but it's against my principles to watch illegally downloaded movies unless the picture quality is decent.

Anyway, he says the film's kind of watchable and gets three Michael Keatons. That's not incredibly informative so I want to supplement it by pointing you in the direction of Tom Spurgeon's "Ten Observations About the Fantastic Four Movie", of which this is a sample:

7. I was very fond of Dr. Doom's plans to get rid of the Fantastic Four, which got increasingly sketchy as he worked his way down the list, like he got tired or he started watching something good on TV:

The Thing -- Befriend him during a long meal playing on his loneliness and apparent stupidity, steal use of Richards' device to change him back while at the same time powering me up. Important: Fail to destroy machine afterwards.

Mr. Fantastic -- Assault, kidnap, hook up to elaborate torture device. Make wisecracks. Mince.

Human Torch -- Fire a missile at his ass.

Invisible Girl -- Bag of flour? Improvise.

Hey, as if that wasn't enough, here's some bonus commentary by Sammy in the original Swedish:

the thing eller vad han heter....hans latexdräkt vägde 30kg
intressant...

What does it mean? You'll never guess! By the way, the pic above is from the suppressed 1994 adaptation by Roger Corman.

Link-O-Rama

Check it out or we'll condemn you to hell!

Fan Mail: Superblog!! is the Best

Check it, it's us! This lovely picture was sent in by Moocko, along with this link.

Photo #44: Mystic Pizza

Koala's is out boozing somewhere in Linkoping and I'm not. How fair is that you might ask and if you're not, you should. All I can do about it to piss Koala off is to do some lazy blogging. And I just did. BTW, if you can tell me where that photo is taken you'll win a trip to Åland with the Superblog!! crew, all expenses paid.

Piss Banana

Yesterday I had a sudden urge to write inspirational messages on some bananas, so that's what I did.

On the first three bananas, I wrote APA (monkey/ape), DÖDEN (death), and PISS (piss). Having exhausted my emotional register, I asked the world for suggestions for the last one. The world said LYCKA (happiness... which may have been intended to balance things out, but just brings to mind the Todd Solondz film).

I tell you this now so you don't have to hear it from a stranger.

Big Bouncy Boobs!

Okey, I'm sorry for not bringing you actual porn after a headline like that but I kinda felt like blogging about boobs again. I'd like to believe that my thoughts about boobs comes from my recent visit at the now legendary lamadjuret.blogspot.com but to be honest it depends on the fact that I really really like boobs. No, just kidding. It depends on Google. Oh, well, I sure like boobs. No lying about that. Yes, time to write about boobs again. And it's not gonna be your average Pamela or Anna Nicole boobs this time but Jessica Simpsons bouncy boobs.

DUKES OF HAZZARD stunner Jessica Simpson has revealed how she undertook a strict exercise regime to make sure the only things that bounced in the film were her boobs.
The actress and singer, who has just turned 25, told OK magazine: "The biggest challenge making the movie was strutting around in a bikini in front of mostly men.
"But, you know what, I just started working out and eating right and I loved the results.
"I was confident with my body for the very first time in my life.
"I mean, believe it or not, I'm really shy - so shy!

I'm also shy. But not very bouncy.

Photo #43: The Super Famous Grouse

Like two weeks ago I promised to post more pictures of animals from the animal kingdom (which is situated in Sweden). Not that anybody cares or will be much happier now, but here it finally is. The whisky bird. Happy now? You'll be more happy if you drink whisky. Always works for me, especially if it's single malt, but Famous Grouse ain't that bad if you can't afford the better and more expensive brands. I guess I should admit that after you have drunk half the bottle, any whisky is fun as hell.

Der Black Cat ist ein thailändischer Whisky mit 40Vol.%.Dieser sehr gute blended Whisky überrascht sogar Experten. Ein absoluter spitzen Whsiky der trotz des niedrigen Preises auch mit hochpreisigen Whiskys mithalten kann.

Wow! Spitzen Klasse!! That's what Germans say when they mean awesome! The only bad thing is that they're lying. That "whisky" tastes like your average moonshine mixed with some extracts that hopefully tastes a little bit like whisky. Still.....40 vol% means 80 proof and that is always a good thing.

How to Be a Successful Blogger

One year and one day ago, Mr D Keith Robinson listed some attributes that characterize a successful blog. I hope he doesn't mind if I rip off his entire list and comment each point to see how Superblog!! seems to hold up.

I know this will bore the eyes out of your sculls, but it's what I want to write about today, so shut up. Tomorrow we'll be back with some porn.

A successful blog (or blogger) is...
Well written. Good content will make or break your blog. Period. This it the #1 thing that makes a blog successful in my book.

I think we can all agree that Superblog!! is extremely well written (which is impressive when you consider that English is our second language). Personally, I like to think that Superblog!! is the blog James Joyce would write if he came back from the dead.

Frequently updated. Unless you’re a guru of some sort you really need to stay on top of it. This can be a real challenge.

See, this is what we've been discussing lately. More frequent updates would, of course, be at the expense of the blog's wellwrittennessity. Is it worth it?

Consistent. This is kind of a combination of the first two. I like sites that are able to maintain quality and frequency overtime.

Yeah, that's us.

Open. I like to read people who are honest and willing to talk about tough issues in a free and open way.

Again, Superblog!! in a nutshell! Next week we'll discuss abortion and why anyone who isn't retarded is pro-choice.

Responsive. Those who respond to feedback and try to adapt to the wants and needs of their audience get high marks from me.

Sometimes I do the exact opposite of what the readers want. But it's always what they need.

Well designed. Yes, I do judge a blog by its design. It’s not the most important thing, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t matter at all.

We use a Blogger template that's pretty readable.

Aware of its audience. If you don’t know your audience it’ll show.

Well, most of our audience come for the occasional titties. But when I write a blog post, I think to myself, "What would Jesus Christ blog about today?

Varied in topic. I feel there are lots of people who would disagree with this, but I like sites that change the subject every once in awhile.

We post whatever pops into our heads, pretty much.

Personal. I tend to enjoy a blog with a bit of a personality. I want to “get to know”, to a certain degree, the person(s) behind the site. Tone and style have a lot to do with this.

Sammy and I don't even reveal our real first names or faces. (Why? Because in real life we are famous, yet hideous.) But you people probably feel you know us anyway, right? Me, I'm the kind of person who makes fun of everyone and everything because deep down, I'm really insecure. Sammy's a typical neo-conservative bully.

Thick skinned. With any successful site comes nay-sayers, trolls, pedants and spammers.

We wish. Where are you, the Lamar Owens of the world?

Honest. Readers are smart and they can smell bullshit.

Yeah, right! If we came into your home one night and force-fed you out of a big sack of lies, most of you would chew and swallow and ask for more. Then we'd beat you to death with the sack, and the next day we'd blog about it.

Accountable. Mistakes are inevitable and there are times when it’s best to fess up and admit where you’re wrong.

We've never made a single mistake. If it ever happens, rest assured we'll find a scapegoat.

Funny. I like a blog that can make me laugh on occasion.

Shit fuck cunt. I knew there would be one criteria we couldn't live up to. But that's fine because I don't believe in laughing.

Well, that's it. All in all, I think Superblog!! could be termed a success, if it weren't for the horrible fact that we don't make any money from it. But like everything else in life, it doesn't really matter, because soon we'll all be dead and eaten by worms.

Remember, kids: You can't spell successful without suck.

Can You Match My 21 Inches?

This is a funny online game. My highscore is 493 after I made the 21 inch jump. Koala's record is 15 inches... Obviously, my 21 inches is way longer than Koala's 15 inches... Go to fingertime and beat me if you can.

Sweden Breeds Sperm Dog

I'm totally not making this up. Commie tabloid Aftonbladet reports that the police in Gothenburg, Sweden, will be the first in the world to use a specially trained dog to sniff out semen. The purpose is to secure evidence of rape, and the dog will primarily be used outdoors.

The dog has yet to be approved by Rikskriminalens polishundtjänst, the National Council of Crime-Fighting Dogs (or whatever), located in Karlsborg. Which is just as well because so far the dog has utterly failed during practice.

Incidentally, you have to click on this link (or the next one) and check out the acronym of another Karlsborg project. Sweden rulez!

Please note: The picture above is not of the sperm dog, but of an unrelated cocker spaniel. Get the connection? Cocker spaniel? Cock? Semen? Hello? How can you not get this?!

Sucky Long Blog Entry

Here follows the word suck many times: Suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck fuck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck and suck!! By now you know that I master the art of ctrl-c and ctrl-v, right? So let's move over to Kamprad. He's not the richest man in the world. He's the 6th richest man in the world. That means that he's able to buy Botswana and still have money left...

for sex
You may think you know how to make a baby. But do you really understand all the intricate details? Sure, you've got the basics covered — man meets woman, they both get naked and have sex, and nine months later out pops Junior — but there's a lot more to it than that (not to mention a host of modern variations on that theme). For instance, do you know exactly where sperm and eggs come from, or how these two microscopic miracle-makers ever find each other and combine to create a new life?

and drugs
Methamphetamine is a powerful stimulant that activates certain systems in the brain. It is closely related chemically to amphetamine, but the central nervous system effects of methamphetamine are greater. Both drugs have some medical uses, primarily in the treatment of obesity, but their therapeutic use is limited.

and rock'n'roll.
Rock-and-Roll (räk'n roll') n. first so used (1951) by Alan Freed, Cleveland disc jockey, taken from the song "My Baby Rocks Me with a Steady Roll". The use of rock, roll, rock and roll, etc., with reference to sexual intercourse, is traditional in blues, a form of popular music that evolved in the 1950's from rhythm and blues, characterized by the use of electric guitars, a strong rhythm with an accent on the offbeat, and youth-oriented lyrics.

When I researched sex and drugs and rock'n'roll I used the Ask Jeeves search engine. Don't do that! You'll get absolutely zilch when it comes to the more exciting aspects of life and death and everything.

In other news: Very fucking old dildo found in Germany. You don't need to click that link because I copied all of the text since this is meant to be a very long entry.

German scientists are tickled pink after unearthing one of the world's oldest sculpted phalluses - 20cm of polished siltstone lovingly created around 28,000 years ago.
The stone schlong was discovered in Hohle Fels Cave near Ulm, Swabia, by a Tübingen University team. Professor Nicholas Conard, from the university's snappily-named department of Early Prehistory and Quaternary Ecology, explained the excitment to the BBC thus: "Female representations with highly accentuated sexual attributes are very well documented at many sites, but male representations are very, very rare."
Indeed, although other examples of male genitalia - from France and Morocco - predate the Ulm member, to have "any representation of male genitalia from this time period is highly unusual".
There may be a good reason for this - the German sausage bears the scars of having been used to knap flints, and was reassembled from 14 fragments. Despite this abuse, and in a delicious leap of imagination, Conard speculates that the life-size member may have been used as a prehistoric sex toy. As he suggestively notes: "It's highly polished."
Those interested in the sex lives of our distant ancestors will be able to cop an eyeful of the Hohle Fels phallus when it goes on show at a Blaubeuren prehistoric museum exhibition entitled "Ice Art - Clearly Male".

Interesting, but I still need more to make this a long sucky blog entry. Maybe some hot steamy lesbian sex with Marilyn Monroe will do?

Concerning her one-night sexual encounter with Crawford, the paper quotes the late actress as saying: “Next time I saw Crawford, she wanted another round. I told her straight-out I didn’t much enjoy doing it with a woman. After I turned her down, she became spiteful.”

Not steamy at all! Disappointing Marilyn! We expected more from you. I even visited your grave when I was in L.A. Shame on you for messing with peoples sexual fantasies about you.

Right... that will have to be enough. Next mission will be to post a good short blog entry.

PS. Just to be sure. Let me be more precise about the word zilch (er... no need to click that link):

[Q] From Bill Penn: “My source books give me a totally unsatisfactory background on the word zilch. (Please note I resisted saying the books gave me zilch on zilch.) Can you help?”
[A] There goes a chance for a pun. Spoilsport ...
You’re right that dictionaries are almost uniformly cautious about the origin of this word, which means “nothing; zero”. It appears first in print in the mid 1960s (the first example in the big Oxford English Dictionary is from a slang collection at the University of South Dakota dated Winter 1966).
Some reference books suggest the Ballyhoo humour magazine, first published in 1931, was a possible source. This had as one of its characters a Mr Zilch (actually there were several of them: the front page of the first issue advertised “President Henry P. Zilch. Chairman of the Board Charles D. Zilch. Treasurer Otto Zilch”). The character was not actually pictured in cartoons in the magazine, but was obviously present, so he was “the little man who wasn’t there”.
This name may have come from college slang of the 1920s, in which Joe Zilsch was the archetypal average student—the average Joe, in fact, marching in the same column as Joe Blow, Joe Doakes and the more recent Joe Sixpack. That sense is still around and sometimes used in the same way as John Doe, to refer to an individual who is otherwise unidentified. In the 1920s, however, Joe Zilsch could also be an insignificant person or (in modern terms) a loser. The spelling suggests a European origin (and Zilsch is a real German surname of Slavic origin). The name was probably borrowed with zero and nil in the back of the creator’s mind.
But the years between the 1930s and the 1960s are a complete blank as far as the development of the word is concerned, so we have no way of confirming that this is the source. Indeed, the long gap might be indirect evidence that it isn’t. Alas, etymology is not an exact science, so this is yet another occasion on which I just have to say “Origin unknown”.

I'm done. Good night, Chesty, wherever you are. DS.

Gape at the Freaks

Photos from comic book conventions are always good for a laugh, because a lot of nerds dress up as their favorite characters, whether it be zombies or obese ghostbusters. These pics are from this weekend's Wizard World Chicago.

Naturally, girls are somewhat underrepresented at these events, which may be why the girl to the left in this pic (from the Beat) wears that particular shirt slogan. And you know what? You can buy one for yourself! I totally would if I were a chick, or into wearing women's clothing.

Who knows, perhaps it could lead to you eventually hooking up with someone like Robin?

Sucky Short Blog Entry

Hello. I just watched Batman begins but it was some kind of Russian screener and the sound was almost inaudible. Most of the time I just made up the dialogue in my head. Maybe I'll see it in better quality some day to find out how much I missed.

Should Superblog!! Suck More or Less?

Oops, I missed blogging yesterday, and Sammy is slacking off as usual. How horrible. Since I don't particularly feel like researching a proper blog entry just this minute either, I'll pose a question to you, the Superblog!! audience. Which do you prefer - very short blog entries posted often, or longer ones posted not quite as often?

I don't foresee a lot of people responding to this question (mainly because they don't give a shit, and why should they?), so your answer could greatly influence the direction of Superblog!! That's amazing! Isn't that amazing?

The Greatest Albums of All Time, By Which I Mean the Last 20 Years

Did you see Spin Magazine's "100 Greatest Albums, 1985-2005"? No, why should you have, Spin is for middle-aged people and nerds and, ideally, middle-aged nerds. I didn't see it either. But I did see this blog post, which helpfully reproduces the entire list, along with a personal running commentary.

Now, I'll also run the list, but I'm not gonna comment, because I don't like revealing too much about myself to a bunch of fucking strangers (that's most of you reading this). But I will tell you that, disregarding some I've got on MP3 or tape, I own 16 of them, including numbers 1, 3, and 6 (which are all great). That's sort of on the embarrassingly low side, but then, I bought my first CD player in the late 90s, and I pretty much stopped buying CDs around the year 2000, when I developed an expensive cocaine habit. Then came the dotcom crash and I never recovered. Here's the list:

1. Radiohead - OK Computer (1997).
2. Public Enemy - It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back (1988).
3. Nirvana - Nevermind (1991).
4. Pavement - Slanted and Enchanted (1992).
5. The Smiths - The Queen is Dead (1986).
6. Pixies - Surfer Rosa (1988).
7. De La Soul - 3 Feet High and Rising (1989).
8. Prince - Sign O' the Times (1987).
9. PJ Harvey - Rid of Me (1993).
10. N.W.A. - Straight Outta Compton (1988).
11. U2 - Achtung Baby (1991).
12. Beastie Boys - Paul's Boutique (1989).
13. Hüsker Dü - New Day Rising (1985).
14. Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation (1988).
15. Liz Phair - Exile in Guyville (1993).
16. Beck - Odelay (1996).
17. Nas - Illmatic (1994).
18. Guns N' Roses - Appetite for Destruction (1987).
19. Hole - Live Through This (1994).
20. Wu-Tang Clan - Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) (1993).
21. Public Enemy - Fear of a Black Planet (1990).
22. My Bloody Valentine - Loveless (1991).
23. Outkast - Stankonia (2000).
24. Sleater-Kinney - Dig Me Out (1997).
25. Nine Inch Nails - The Downward Spiral (1994).
26. Björk - Post (1995).
27. The Cure - The Head on the Door (1985).
28. Oasis - Definitely Maybe (1994).
29. Fugazi - 13 Songs (1989).
30. The Notorious B.I.G. - Ready to Die (1994).
31. Dinosaur Jr. - You're Living All Over Me (1987).
32. The Replacements - Tim (1985).
33. Ice Cube - AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted (1990).
34. Elliot Smith - Either/Or (1997).
35. Dr. Dre - The Chronic (1992).
36. Pixies - Doolittle (1989).
37. Guided By Voices - Bee Thousand (1994).
38. A Tribe Called Quest - The Low End Theory (1991).
39. Lucinda Williams - Lucinda Williams (1988).
40. Run-D.M.C. - Raising Hell (1986).
41. Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream (1993).
42. Jane's Addiction - Nothing's Shocking (1988).
43. Boogie Down Productions - Criminal Minded (1987).
44. Green Day - Dookie (1994).
45. Kanye West - College Dropout (2004).
46. The Fall - The Nation's Saving Grace (1985).
47. Eric B. & Rakim - Paid in Full (1987).
48. Radiohead - Kid A (2000).
49. Lauryn Hill - The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill (1998).
50. New Order - Low-Life (1985).
51. Nirvana - In Utero (1993).
52. Beastie Boys - Licensed to Ill (1986).
53. Rage Against the Machine - The Battle of Los Angeles (1999).
54. The Breeders - Last Splash (1993).
55. The Chemical Brothers - Dig Your Own Hole (1997).
56. PJ Harvey - To Bring You My Love (1995).
57. The White Stripes - White Blood Cells (2001).
58. Metallica - Master of Puppets (1986).
59. Modest Mouse - The Lonesome Crowded West (1997).
60. De La Soul - De La Soul is Dead (1991).
61. Weezer - Pinkerton (1996).
62. Missy Elliott - Supa Dupa Fly (1997).
63. Pavement - Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain (1994).
64. Eminem - The Marshall Mathers LP (2000).
65. Basement Jaxx - Remedy (1999).
66. Outkast - Aquemini (1998).
67. Slayer - Reign in Blood (1986).
68. Tricky - Maxiquaye (1995).
69. DJ Shadow - Entroducing DJ Shadow (1996).
70. Jay-Z - The Blueprint (2001).
71. The Jesus and Mary Chain - Psychocandy (1985).
72. Raekwon - Only Built 4 Cuban Linx (1995).
73. Pulp - Different Class (1995).
74. Portishead - Dummy (1994).
75. Le Tigre - Le Tigre (1999).
76. Belle and Sebastian - If You're Feeling Sinister (1997).
77. Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot (2002).
78. The Stone Roses - The Stone Roses (1989).
79. Moby - Everything is Wrong (1995).
80. D'Angelo - Voodoo (2000).
81. Beck - Mellow Gold (1994).
82. Jeff Buckley - Grace (1994).
83. At the Drive-In - Relationship of Command (2000).
84. Soundgarden - Superunknown (1994).
85. R.E.M. - Automatic for the People (1992).
86. Meat Puppets - Up on the Sun (1985).
87. Blur - Parklife (1994).
88. Stereolab - Emperor Tomato Ketchup (1996).
89. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Fever to Tell (2003).
90. Sonic Youth - Sister (1987).
91. XTC - Skylarking (1986).
92. Big Black - Atomizer (1986).
93. Pearl Jam - Ten (1991).
94. Slint - Spiderland (1991).
95. Elastica - Elastica (1995).
96. The Pogues - Rum, Sodomy and the Lash (1985).
97. Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea (1998).
98. Cornershop - When I Was Born for the 7th Time (1997).
99. Afghan Whigs - Gentlemen (1993).
100. The Strokes - Is This It (2001).

How many do you own? And which ones? As ever, stupid answers will result in merciless mocking. Are you man enough to risk being publicly humiliated on Superblog!!?

Photo #42: Arena for Sport, Music and Top Class Recreation

Another U2 photo from nice man Sammy. The arena is called Ullevi and U2 performed there a few days ago. It's early in the morning in Sweden, land of kings and moonshine, and I'm tired. I will shut up now and watch a DVD instead.. Have a nice day and don't forget to download a U2 torrent today.

Is This Tomorrow?

You know how you've been clamoring for a comic book that depicts the poorly educated ultra-conservative American's nightmare visions of the future? Well, Jebus has finally answered your prayers:

LIBERALITY FOR ALL #1 It is 2021, tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of 9/11 It is up to an underground group of bio-mechanically enhanced conservatives led by Sean Hannity, G. Gordon Liddy and Oliver North to thwart Ambassador Usama Bin Laden's plans to nuke New York City...And wake the world from an Orwellian nightmare of United Nations dominated ultra-liberalism.

Series concept: What if today's anti-war Liberals were in charge of the American government and had been since 9/11? What would that society look like in the year 2021? What would be the results of fighting “a more sensitive war on terror” and looking to the corrupt United Nations to solve all of America 's problems?

You realize you have to go and read the preview of this, right? Of course you do. Please note that two of the conservative super-heroes are, in real life, convicted criminals.

For Liddy's role in the Watergate scandal, which he coordinated with Hunt, Liddy was convicted of conspiracy, burglary, and illegal wiretapping and served four and a half years in prison before having his 20 year sentence commuted by President Jimmy Carter.

North was tried in 1988 in relation to his activities while at the National Security Council. He was indicted on sixteen felony counts and on May 4, 1989, he was convicted of three: accepting an illegal gratuity, aiding and abetting in the obstruction of a congressional inquiry, and destruction of documents. [The conviction was later overturned on a technicality, but there's no question he was guilty.]

Incidentally, there's one passage in the comic that strikes me as particularly weird:

Usama bin Laden: "If it were not for American leaders like them [President Chelsea Clinton and Vice President Michael Moore]], I would not be here today".

Huh? What the fuck did Chelsea do to make the right-wing hate her? Is it just that she's related to Slick Willy? Well, it doesn't matter because Bill Clinton was the BEST PRESIDENT IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar and a communist.

Google in the Sky with Diamonds

Thank you Google Earth for saving my life!! As stated in my profile I am really happy as long as I have stuff to look at. Like two weeks ago I ran out of stuff to look at but now I have stuff for at least a year! Stuff, stuff, stuff!!!!! The above picture shows parts of Linköping and I don't think I need to say anything more about that..

Ps. You can actually see the house Koala lives in but my mansion is situated outside of Linköping. ds.

I Shall Become A Bat

I've been drifting around for quite a few years now but finally my course is clear. I just watched this program on the Discovery Channel and realized I have to become an animal of some sort. But what kind? Cat and lizard are already taken. Perhaps a Siberian hamster?

(What I'm referring to in the headline is this.)