Monday, August 15, 2005

Film Review: Fantastic Four



Okay, so I haven't seen this movie myself, but my uncle Sammy has, on some crappy pirate transfer with a part of the picture obscured. He tried to get me to watch it too, but it's against my principles to watch illegally downloaded movies unless the picture quality is decent.

Anyway, he says the film's kind of watchable and gets three Michael Keatons. That's not incredibly informative so I want to supplement it by pointing you in the direction of Tom Spurgeon's "Ten Observations About the Fantastic Four Movie", of which this is a sample:

7. I was very fond of Dr. Doom's plans to get rid of the Fantastic Four, which got increasingly sketchy as he worked his way down the list, like he got tired or he started watching something good on TV:

The Thing -- Befriend him during a long meal playing on his loneliness and apparent stupidity, steal use of Richards' device to change him back while at the same time powering me up. Important: Fail to destroy machine afterwards.

Mr. Fantastic -- Assault, kidnap, hook up to elaborate torture device. Make wisecracks. Mince.

Human Torch -- Fire a missile at his ass.

Invisible Girl -- Bag of flour? Improvise.
Hey, as if that wasn't enough, here's some bonus commentary by Sammy in the original Swedish:

the thing eller vad han heter....hans latexdräkt vägde 30kg
intressant...
What does it mean? You'll never guess! By the way, the pic above is from the suppressed 1994 adaptation by Roger Corman.

15 comments:

Matthew said...

The Roger Corman version is breathtakingly bad. They have a POV shot from Alicia Masters who is a blind woman.

I agree with your observations with Doom. When he was playing Marco Polo with Invisible Girl I could only think "this is not the Dr. Doom of my childhood." This is the guy who stole the Power Cosmic from the Silver Surfer, gained the power of the Beyonder, and ruled an entire nation? and he uses a missile launcher? Which incidentally started to chase Human Torch even before he flamed on. It is attracted to heat or just dumb blondes?

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Ken said...

Direct translation: the thing or what he is called….his latex suit weighed 30kg
interesting…

From http://www.systransoft.com/

Matthew said...

That's the second comment I've seen by Lamarr Owens where he's trying to push his shitty-ass blog.

Koala Mentala said...

Ken: fett med koola killen du var då... fuskapa.

Matthew: I always thought Darth Vader was pretty close to how Dr Doom should be done on the big screen. Incidentally, the Beyonder (human version) should be played by David Hasselhoff.

Moocko said...

I think everyone who says something bad about Roger Corman should burn in hell.

Moocko said...

Och det känns som att "koola killen" borde cuttas.

Koala Mentala said...

No it doesn't. Starting from now, nobody is allowed to post in Swedish, because Swedish is the language of losers. Are you a loser, Moocko?

Moocko said...

I'm a christian Irish citizen!!

Goo said...

how do you say "i am a cock smoker" in swedish? just curious.

Sara said...

"I'm a cocksmocker" in Swedish, looks something like "Hi, my name is Moocko".

Koala Mentala said...

How many cocks could a cocksmocker smock if a cocksmocker could smock cock?

Sara said...

Smoker. Cocksmoker. Sorry.

Goo said...

you never answered my question, i REALLY need to know this. heh, i just got an idea... you will see... YOU WILL ALL SEE... very very soon, muahahahaaaaaa.

whoa wtf?

Koala Mentala said...

In Sweden, you don't smoke cock... cock smokes YOU.

Seriously, we don't have that expression.