Wednesday, August 10, 2005

How to Be a Successful Blogger

One year and one day ago, Mr D Keith Robinson listed some attributes that characterize a successful blog. I hope he doesn't mind if I rip off his entire list and comment each point to see how Superblog!! seems to hold up.

I know this will bore the eyes out of your sculls, but it's what I want to write about today, so shut up. Tomorrow we'll be back with some porn.

A successful blog (or blogger) is...
Well written. Good content will make or break your blog. Period. This it the #1 thing that makes a blog successful in my book.
I think we can all agree that Superblog!! is extremely well written (which is impressive when you consider that English is our second language). Personally, I like to think that Superblog!! is the blog James Joyce would write if he came back from the dead.

Frequently updated. Unless you’re a guru of some sort you really need to stay on top of it. This can be a real challenge.
See, this is what we've been discussing lately. More frequent updates would, of course, be at the expense of the blog's wellwrittennessity. Is it worth it?

Consistent. This is kind of a combination of the first two. I like sites that are able to maintain quality and frequency overtime.
Yeah, that's us.

Open. I like to read people who are honest and willing to talk about tough issues in a free and open way.
Again, Superblog!! in a nutshell! Next week we'll discuss abortion and why anyone who isn't retarded is pro-choice.

Responsive. Those who respond to feedback and try to adapt to the wants and needs of their audience get high marks from me.
Sometimes I do the exact opposite of what the readers want. But it's always what they need.

Well designed. Yes, I do judge a blog by its design. It’s not the most important thing, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t matter at all.
We use a Blogger template that's pretty readable.

Aware of its audience. If you don’t know your audience it’ll show.
Well, most of our audience come for the occasional titties. But when I write a blog post, I think to myself, "What would Jesus Christ blog about today?

Varied in topic. I feel there are lots of people who would disagree with this, but I like sites that change the subject every once in awhile.
We post whatever pops into our heads, pretty much.

Personal. I tend to enjoy a blog with a bit of a personality. I want to “get to know”, to a certain degree, the person(s) behind the site. Tone and style have a lot to do with this.
Sammy and I don't even reveal our real first names or faces. (Why? Because in real life we are famous, yet hideous.) But you people probably feel you know us anyway, right? Me, I'm the kind of person who makes fun of everyone and everything because deep down, I'm really insecure. Sammy's a typical neo-conservative bully.

Thick skinned. With any successful site comes nay-sayers, trolls, pedants and spammers.
We wish. Where are you, the Lamar Owens of the world?

Honest. Readers are smart and they can smell bullshit.
Yeah, right! If we came into your home one night and force-fed you out of a big sack of lies, most of you would chew and swallow and ask for more. Then we'd beat you to death with the sack, and the next day we'd blog about it.

Accountable. Mistakes are inevitable and there are times when it’s best to fess up and admit where you’re wrong.
We've never made a single mistake. If it ever happens, rest assured we'll find a scapegoat.

Funny. I like a blog that can make me laugh on occasion.
Shit fuck cunt. I knew there would be one criteria we couldn't live up to. But that's fine because I don't believe in laughing.

Well, that's it. All in all, I think Superblog!! could be termed a success, if it weren't for the horrible fact that we don't make any money from it. But like everything else in life, it doesn't really matter, because soon we'll all be dead and eaten by worms.

Remember, kids: You can't spell successful without suck.


spidercrazy said...

You don't believe in laughing, I don't believe in insecurity. Does that make us opposites?

Moocko said...

Boy, would SB!! be even better with more Lamar Owens!

Sara said...

And more boobies.

Koala Mentala said...

Lamar Owens and boobies go hand in hand, like alcohol and painkillers, or hamburgers and mini-carrots.

The opposite of Spidercrazy may be Spidersane. I don't know. What's the opposite of spider? Fly? Redips? Vermouth? Antispider?

Goo said...

The opposite of spider is frog I believe... at least in my imagination.

I'm glad to see the identity of the villian spammer Lamar Owens is no longer a mystery. It was Mark my love who revealed his name and location to world first on my blog. All his info is there in the third comment after my long ass post.

Lamar Owens and life insurance go hand in hand apparently.

Goo said...

koala you make linking seem so easy, effortless... i just tried linking to that comment on my blog... how the heck do you link to a comment half way down the page? i'm a dork. you are awesome. please show me your magical ways koalason.

Sara said...

Wow. And I thought I was all over your nuts with all the hot Internet sex but Goo totally has me beat.

Koala Mentala said...

Yeah, you could learn a thing or two from her, Sara. You haven't complimented my linking abilities nearly enough.

And Mariam, my magical ways consist of simply pointing to the permalink below each comment. So maybe I'm not quite as awesome as you think.

Goo said...

holy crap this is amazing shit!!!

Goo said...

didnt werk right! ug! excuse my selfish and shameless use of your commenting "area" to try again please.

shit, fuck, bitch, penis, penis, PENIS! i never say those bad werds on mi blog. heh! nice linking text dontcha think?

Goo said...

whatever... i'm over it.

Koala Mentala said...

Ah, craziness. There's nothing quite like it.