She May Look Clean - BUT

Do you think she looks clean? Superblog!! thinks she looks like a filthy whore.

I've been meaning to do a larger entry on this for a week or so but it looks like that's not going to happen so I'll just point to this blog post, where the lovely and talented Milo George walks us through an archive of propaganda posters.

The rest of this entry is a bunch of other crap I wanted to blog about at length, but didn't.

ITEM! Jesus Christ, this is taking a joke far:

Sunday, March 27, 2005
mmmmmnegh
nggnugh

Friday, March 25, 2005
nnnnguh
AHHHHHHH WAAAAAAAA

Etcetera, etcetera...

ITEM! The Sunday Mail reports on an attempted alien invasion:

ARMED police sprang into action after spotting A DALEK outside Parliament.
Worried the tin-plated terror was about to 'Exterminate' the Government, they quickly trained their machine guns on the invader. But the man behind the suit - Dr Who fan Ken Meikle, 46 - was able to convince them his Dalek's cannon fired nothing more deadly than water.

The Daleks are something out of popular science fiction TV series Doctor Who.

ITEM! Over a Thousand Facts About the Sahara Desert!

ITEM! Let's point and laugh at stupid Americans:

Only about a third of Americans believe that Charles Darwin's theory of evolution is a scientific theory that has been well supported by the evidence, while just as many say that it is just one of many theories and has not been supported by the evidence. The rest say they don't know enough to say. Forty-five percent of Americans also believe that God created human beings pretty much in their present form about 10,000 years ago. A third of Americans are biblical literalists who believe that the Bible is the actual word of God and is to be taken literally, word for word.

And there's no need to click the link unless you're a "Gallup Poll On Demand" subscriber, because, asshole that I am, I quoted the part I could access in its entirety. You can get a free 30-day registration, but that's cheating. Why didn't I just find a better link? Because you should shut up now, that's why!

Superblog!! will return at some later point in time, hopefully more sober. I mean less.

US Army About to Unleash their Nerds

Finally I say! Finally the arabs are starting to invent stuff again. We all remember cool things like numbers, the abacus, the kebab... Now they are getting serious about superheroes. Zein is one of them. Long live Zein, the last Pharaoh!!

Now is the new era of the homegrown Arab superhero, four of them in fact - and they look likely to give their made-in-America counterparts a run for their money.
That, at least, is the ambition of a young Egyptian company that is producing, for the first time, comic books whose main characters aren't denizens of New York or Gotham City but instead Cairo and other - sometimes imaginary - regional capitals like the "City of All Faiths."
AK Comics has produced and distributed four series of comic books, each with its own character, since spring of this year.
The flagship superhero is Zein, dubbed "The Last Pharaoh," one of the immortal sons of the final rulers of ancient Egypt before that civilization disappeared. Zein spends his time fighting evildoers, including his own brother Ho-Ra who wants to use the family's Pharaonic mega-powers to enslave mankind.

Ho-Ra by the way is Swedish for whore...well, never mind that. I'm trying to get back to the headline here. I assume that these arab superheroes have made some kind of impact over at Pentagon. The US Army are planning to create their own superheroes with some kind of an arabic twist. The masterplan in it's condensed form is:

to win the hearts of young people in the Middle East by publishing a new comic.

They are dead serious too.. Why else would they unleash their psy-op warriors?!?!

It will be based on "the security forces, military and police, in the near future in the Middle East" and is being produced by US Special Operations Command at Fort Bragg in North Carolina.
Fort Bragg is home to the army's 4th Psychological Operations Group, known as "psy-op warriors", whose weaponry includes radio transmitters, loudspeakers and leaflets.
The unit, whose slogans include Win the Mind - Win the Day and Verbum Vincet (The Word Conquers), is schooled in marketing and advertising techniques.

Hurry up kids !!! They're hiring RIGHT NOW !!

An advertisement on the US government's Federal Business Opportunities website is inviting applications for someone to develop an "original comic book series".

Countdown to Absolutely Static, Hayfever-Inducing Normality

I know you probably don't understand this one, and it's too stupid to explain.

---

Update, Monday @ 14:55: Fuck it, I'll explain anyway. DC Comics are publishing something called Infinite Crisis, preceded by a Countdown to Infinite Crisis. But, as I said in a comment to this Fanboy Rampage entry:

If the crisis is infinite, wouldn't that actually be the normal state of being? They should change the title to INFINITE NORMALITY. Or, to avoid redundancy, just NORMALITY.

Plus, COUNTDOWN TO NORMALITY is a good title.

I later amended it to the current title, because you can shorten it to CASH-IN. Amusing, yes? No. Because jokes are never funny when they have to be explained, dammit. Also, this is nerd humor, which doesn't work outside its natural habitat. My apologies to all Superblog!! readers.

---

Previous Evil Comics:
#1: Superblog!!'s Pal, Jimmy Olsen (cover)
#2: Superblog!!'s Girl Friend, Lois Lane (cover)
#3: Jimmy Olsen's Fist of DOOM! (cover)
#4: Marco Polo's Journey of Fucking, Part One
#5: The Origin of Superblog!!, Part One
#6: The Origin of Superblog!!, Part Two

Superblog!! Premium Matchmaking Since 2004

Wow ! This movie rocks and rulez and sucks and kicks ass in random order! Also, Christopher Lambert is in it and he is of course the one. Right...when I'm not watching sucky movies I'm ususally laughing at imprisoned losers at prisonpenpals.com. Hmmm. I live a strange life. Perhaps I should try to find more interests? Nah! It's enough! Back to the losers. Ha ha! They're funny because they are behind bars (while I'm' not!!) and because of their poetic letters. Have a free sample!

Conan seeks bitch to share hopes and dreams. While being held hostage at a Florida Prison. I've been locked up for 11 years now. I've just three to go . . . Unless I win one of my appeals. I'm a dominating top. Looking for a submissive bottom. But will write to all. I'm hoping to find that someone special to build a relationship with. So we can start a life together when I get out.

Oh yeah! Whaddaya say ladies?? (and Gents! They have all flavours in there! Female killers, homosexual killers and I bet they even have some hermaphroditical killers if you search long and thoroughly)

Write an inmate! Stop being lonely! Get company and a serious beating and a new life! (in hell!)

Bonus joke!!

A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes
in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby,
Doctor? What's wrong???"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your
baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite... what's that???"
"Well, it means your baby has the...er... features... of a male
and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my god! You mean it has a
penis... AND a brain?"

OK! Not good but try to find better hermaphroditic jokes if you think you can.....

Five Additional Fun Facts About Linköping

Just thought I'd add a few words to Sammy's informative post, for those of you desperate for info on Linköping, or LKPG (pronounced "lick-pig").

6. Together with fellow piece-of-shit city Norrköping (pop. 124,000), Linköping (pop. 136,000) is marketing itself as "the fourth-largest urban area" in Sweden. This is a little like trying to get credit for being one of the tallest guys in the room while standing on the shoulders of another guy. A, It's cheating. B, Who cares?

7. In the last 10 years, I can remember a grand total of two Linköping events dominating the national media. One was the burning of the city library in 1996, the other a double murder in October, 2004. (One of the victims was an 8-year-old boy.)

8. The arsonist was never caught, nor was the murderer (well, so far).

9. A little-known fact about Linköping is that it's where Adolf Hitler (see picture) spent the last few years of his life. Before he died he impregnated a lot of women, which is why Linköping has a comparatively large population of NAZIS.

10. Linköping's nickname is "the Asshole of Sweden".

Okay, so I made up 9 and 10. That doesn't mean they're not true.

Five Amazing Facts About Linköping!

Like two days ago I almost promised to mention a few things about my hometown. Guess what? Here it comes.

1. Linköping's homepage.

From whatever point of the compass you come, as you approach Linköping your path is lined by billowing cornfields and the sweet smelling Östergötland soil.

That's BS. It smells like shit from several directions.

2. You can buy souvenirs from Linköping's Hockey Club. But you have to live in Sweden to do so. If you decide to move here, send me a mail and I will prepare a fiesta.

3. Linköping is the place where the mighty war plane JAS-Gripen is assembled. Planes don't kill people. (It's the murderous pilots.)

4. In Linköping, the nerds are numerous. They make interesting pages about Science Fiction.

5. If you live in Linköping you can study at the University of Linköping. FUN FUN FUN !!!

Exploring new fields, walking new paths. A non-traditional cooperation across subject and faculty borders defines the interdisciplinary approach that is the hallmark of Linköping University (LiU). An entrepreneurial spirit of education characterizes the university’s history.

Recognize it? Yep, the normal gibberish you could have cut and pasted from any university homepage in the world.... (except the explicit part about the name of the university) But still. If you combine these things (all 5) it almost makes Linköping a place where you can live for a while.

Superblog!! Reads Good!

Good is just the first word for what Superblog!! is to be read! Really it is best, even BETTER THAN GOOD. In another word, to say you might that Superblog!! is easy read!

Just kidding. I ran the current front page of Superblog!! through this online readability calculator.

Gunning Fog, Flesch Reading Ease, and Flesch-Kincaid are reading level algorithms that can be helpful in determining how readable your content is. Reading level algorithms only provide a rough guide, as they tend to reward short sentences made up of short words. Whilst they're rough guides, they can give a useful indication as to whether you've pitched your content at the right level for your intended audience.

And here are the results:

Total sentences 503
Total words 4,550
Average words per Sentence 9.05
Words with 1 Syllable 3,013
Words with 2 Syllables 979
Words with 3 Syllables 413
Words with 4 or more Syllables 145
Percentage of word with three or more syllables 12.26%
Average Syllables per Word 1.49%
Gunning Fog Index 8.52
Flesch Reading Ease 71.40
Flesch-Kincaid Grade 5.55

The Fog index of 8.52 suggests that Superblog!! is harder to read than Mark Twain and the Bible (huh?), but probably easier than a typical newspaper:

Fog Index Resources
6 TV guides, The Bible, Mark Twain
8 Reader's Digest
8 - 10 Most popular novels
10 Time, Newsweek
11 Wall Street Journal
14 The Times, The Guardian
15 - 20 Academic papers
Over 20 Only government sites can get away with this, because you can't ignore them.
Over 30 The government is covering something up

As for the Reading Ease, 71.40 is fairly decent:

Authors are encouraged to aim for a score of approximately 60 to 70.

But the Flesch-Kincaid grade doesn't really jar with Superblog!!'s Fox Index (there's a three-year difference):

Like the Gunning-Fog index, it is a rough measure of how many years of schooling it would take someone to understand the content.

This is a very boring Superblog!! entry. And I couldn't even be bothered to find an amusing image to illustrate it with. Let's never speak of this fiasco again.

Rio Jesus, Made by Swedish Concrete

I took this picture when I was in Rio. It's Jebus !! Take a closer look here. He's alive some says (Jebus, not the statue) but I'm tired, and I need to work some with material gathered in Brasil. (No, it's not cocaine) It's letters and I have to translate my scribbles in a note book and rearrange it to understandable Swedish.

William Hung Reigns Supreme

If you're not American (and who is?), odds are you've never heard of the galaxy's brightest-shining star, William Hung, dubbed as the "Hong Kong Ricky Martin" and "A Real American Idol":

A student at UC Berkeley, William studies Civil Engineering, but his dream is to make music his career. William has true talent, and has captured the hearts of Americans across the country who watched him sing and dance his heart out on Tuesday, January 27. Since his TV debut, William has gathered a large fan base. Nobody ceases to be amused by his comical dance moves and earnest rendition of "She Bangs". Because we respect William's true talent and comical ability, we have decided to create this fan club dedicated to William himself.

Actually, the "comedy" is unintentional, and stems from the fact that William is obviously completely lacking in talent. In short, William's fame is mostly of the point-and-laugh variety. (See for instance this video of his American Idol audition, in which two judges vainly try to contain their mirth.) Still, I bet he makes plenty more money than I do, the retarded Asian fucker. Also, he seems to be swimming in pussy.

I first discovered William Hung while surfing the net severely hung-over (no pun intended), and I think his music is best appreciated in that context. In particular, I find that his rendition of "We are the Champions" takes on added significance when you're full of anxiety, feel like puking, and are desperately trying to piece together the events of the previous night.

Therefore, I urge all Superblog!! visitors to go out drinking tonight (yes, it's okay to drink on Sundays), come back early morning, grab some sleep, and then watch some of these videos.

Deal?

Footnote #1: Lest we get accusations of rasism and whatever they call it when you're prejudiced against "special" people, I shold maybe point out that I actually have nothing against retarded Asians. Me calling him a "fucker" above is unrelated to his ethniticity and mental deficiencies.

Footnote #2: The closest Swedish approximation of William Hung is 12-year-old sex god Darin... or maybe celebrated Elvis impersonator Eilert Pilarm. Or someone else - what the fuck do I know?

Intoxicated

Sorry, no blogging by Uncle tonight. had to many eggs. Puked. Fell asleep. Happy Easter anyway!

Jesus & Vaginas: Two Great Tastes That Taste Great Together

Saturday is neither Jesus Day, nor Vagina Day, but there were some things I wanted to talk about these last few days but never did. For starters, I wanted to bring up this guide to female masturbation as well as the "Ultimate Male Masturbation Resource". I also thought it would be educational to include this orgasm handbook, and this FAQ, answering questions such as "How can I tighten my vagina?". Furthermore, it struck me as imperative to mention this article on the clitoris during intercourse, and its importance to the female orgasm.

Regarding Jesus Christ, our savior and friend, I wanted to blog about the North Carolina church that got its Christ figure stolen:

Church member Shirley Heglar says it makes her mad someone stole their Jesus. She doesn't know if they'll be able to make a new one before the Easter Sunday sunrise service. But Heglar hopes some good comes out of the petty theft. She says maybe whoever took the Jesus will be thinking about what they did.

If so, I imagine they're laughing their asses off. More likely, they've already forgotten all about it and are currently watching DVDs and getting stoned. Still, the joke's on the them, because Jesus will surely punch them in the groin in the afterlife. Jesus is hardcore!

There have been a number of comic books starring Jesus, ranging from the straight-faced to the humorous. The 70s saw a title called The New Adventures of Jesus. (Not to be confused with Grant Morrison's The New Adventures of Hitler.) Of all the Jesus comics I've seen, I think this one ranks somewhere in the upper middle.

Finally, for your erotic Christian needs, there's Jesus Loves Porn:

No popups, blind links or bullshit! Just quality porn updated daily, viewable by text link or thumbnails :)

At this moment in time, I can't personally vouch for its quality. Still, it seems to me that if it's good enough for Christ, it should be good enough for you.

Jesus the Crossdresser !!

Enlighten your kitchen experience! Get the "Jesus Dress Up Fridge Magnets" and get them NOW!

Over 30 different articles of clothing to choose from! Let Jesus hula his way into your heart in a coconut bra and grass skirt, or make Him be the bad boy in His favorite leather pants and skull T-shirt!

If you can't wait to crossdress Jesus you can do it online! Hours of fun awaits you !! Read more about this Superblog!! approved product at NBC.

“Jesus Dress-Up” is a magnetic crucifix with a variety of clothes and accessories.
Many people are outraged by the product, but Smith says he doesn’t see anything wrong with it.
“I don't think there's anything wrong with religious satire,” said Smith. “People have got to learn to laugh at themselves, it's part of human nature.”
Smith, who claims to be an atheist, says he's making money the same way Mel Gibson is with the "The Passion of the Christ."

Helicopter Dreams

You know, if I had a helicopter,
I'd sell it on eBay to get the money to buy a nice car.

I would crash the car to get insurance money.

And I would use the insurance money to buy a new helicopter.

You know, if I had a girlfriend,
I'd make her walk the streets to earn money for my helicopter.

I would explain the idea to her, and she'd say,
"I don't get it... What's the point?"

And I would stare at her and say,
"I don't piss on your dreams."

Jesus and the Vampire Angels

I have no fucking idea how to comment on this picture. I thought it was fun. This is also fun!

Why did Jesus cross the road?
Because he was nailed to the chicken!

How about this one?

What's the difference between Jesus Christ and an oil painting?
You only need one nail to hold up a picture.

Now I will die for my sins (posting jokes like the ones above) and go to heaven. It will be cool to meet the vampire angels.

Friday is Jesus Day!

I had already decided (unilaterally! How about that, Sammy?) that this day should be a celebration of our Lord, Jesus H Christ (the "H" is for Herbert), when I realized that, holy shit, it's Good Friday. This is Jesus Day!

Jesus, you may remember, is the main character in the best-selling The New Testament (credited to Matthew, Mark, Luke & John, but ghost-written by God, according to some people). He's also known as Jebus. So who was he?

Jesus of Nazareth (b. about 6–4 BC and d. about AD 29–33) was a Jewish preacher and healer, and — especially when referred to as Jesus Christ — is the central figure in Christianity, and an important prophet in Islam.
[...]
Most secular scholars accept his existence, and calculate the birth and death dates given above based on independently known events implied in those scriptural documents. Many, and probably most groups identifying themselves as Christians further believe, based on those Gospels, various combinations of tradition accumulated since, and/or personal experiences of various kinds, that Jesus was the Messiah, the Son of God, and one of the persons in the Godhead of the Trinity.

I personally believe that Jesus was way cooler than the rest of the Trinity, and always hoped he would strike out a solo career, just like Rod Stewart, who is incidentally performing at Cloetta Center here in Linköping in a while, which I'm only mentioning because it means this blog entry will pop up in round-ups of local news. But enough chit-chat! What miracles did Jesus perform?

Many people have claimed to be God, but only one man in history demonstrated through his actions that he had a supernatural power source.

Zein, the Last Pharaoh? Just kidding.

He healed the lame and the blind, controlled the movement of fish, and calmed storms. Not only did Jesus heal hundreds of people from sickness and disease, but on several occasions he raised people from physical death!

That's really something! It would appear that this guy had more superpowers than a vagina, even! And people say that some day Jesus will return.

Mr Garrison's New Vagina

Howdy! Since we are changing from penis-day to vagina-day, what could be more fitting than...some vaginoplasty? In South Park episode 901 Mr Garrison decides to get a sex change.

Mr. Garrison goes to great lengths to get what he’s always wanted…a sex change. As he enjoys his new womanly attributes, the rest of the town gets in touch with their inner feelings too. Meanwhile, Kyle wrestles with the fact that Jews just aren’t good at basketball.

To fully appreciate the episode you should try to catch it ON TV or perhaps download it from somewhere. Until you succeed with that, here's some transcripts.

[Trinidad Medical Center, day. A very modern, futuristic-looking building is seen behind the sign. Inside, a doctor approaches a patient]
Doctor: Hello, Mr. Garrison, I'm Dr. Biber. I'll be performing your surgery today.
Mr. Garrison: [on the hospital bed, his legs on stirrups] God bless you, Doctor. I know you'll make me well again.
Dr. Biber: Now, you're absolutely sure you want a vaginoplasty?
Mr. Garrison: My whole life I've been a woman trapped in a man's body. A sex-change operation is my last chance at happiness.
Dr. Biber: All right, then let's begin. [POV changes to Mr. Garrison looking down past his groin. A nurse hands Dr. Biber a scalpel] Just relax, Mr. Garrison. I think if more people could just see a sex-change operation, they would know how perfectly natural it is. The first thing I'm going to do is slice your balls. [bends down to slice open Mr. Garrison's nutsack - a live slice is shown]
Mr. Garrison: Ough, ergh. Eww. [his eyes remain shut for the duration of the operation]
Dr. Biber: With the scrotum open, I can now discard of your testicles.
Mr. Garrison: So long, balls. [the vas deferens is shown being cut in two, severing the testicle from the rest of the body. A nurse dabs Dr. Biber's forehead with a towel to remove any sweat there]
Dr. Biber: Now, I'll just continue the incision up the shaft of the penis. [real-life footage is shown]
Mr. Garrison: Oh, that stings.
Dr. Biber: Now I'll just... turn your... penis inside out.
Mr. Garrison: OH! Oh jeez.

For a (perhaps) more serious approach to sex change you should visit genders.org.

Evil Comics #6: The Origin of Superblog!!, Part Two of Two

I hope you read Part One before this one, because otherwise it's completely incomprehensible. Really. Anyway, this story was ripped off from Superman #1 (June, 1938).

Previous Evil Comics:
#1: Superblog!!'s Pal, Jimmy Olsen (cover)
#2: Superblog!!'s Girl Friend, Lois Lane (cover)
#3: Jimmy Olsen's Fist of DOOM! (cover)
#4: Marco Polo's Journey of Fucking, Part One

Thursday is Vagina Day

You may have noticed that we've been blogging a lot about penises lately. In the interest of equal time, Superblog!! hereby announces that Thursday is Vagina Day!

Now, you may be wondering just what a vagina is. Luckily, Wikipedia has you covered:

The vagina (from the Latin for "sheath" or "scabbard" ) is the tubular tract leading from the uterus to the exterior of the body in female mammals, or to the cloaca in female birds and some reptiles.

Specifically, in human females:

The vagina is an elastic muscular tube about 4 inches (100 mm) long and 1 inch (25 mm) in diameter that connects the vulva at the outside to the cervix of the uterus at the inside.
[...]
The vaginal opening is at the back (caudal) end of the vulva, behind the opening of the urethra. The inside of the vagina is usually pink, as with all internal mucous membranes in mammals.

(In common speech, the term "vagina" is often used improperly to refer to the vulva or female genitals generally; strictly speaking the vagina is a specific internal structure and the vulva is the exterior genitalia only. Calling the vulva the vagina is akin to calling the mouth the throat.)

The vagina can perform the following tasks:

Provide sexual pleasure to a woman (although vaginal orgasms are rarer than clitoral orgasms).

Admit the penis of the male for sexual intercourse and ultimately the introduction of male gametes (sperm) for the fertilization of ova.

During live birth, provide the route to deliver the fetus from the uterus to its independent life outside the body of the mother. During birth, the vagina is often referred to as the birth canal.

Provide a path for menstrual fluids to leave the body.

Some erotic performers, particularly in Asia, can use vaginal muscles for tricks, such as smoking or playing musical instruments.

Wow! Who knew that a vagina could do so many different things? Smoking! Making babies! Bringing peace to the Middle East! Is there anything a vagina can't do?

We'll return to this subject later, I expect. Because... Thursday is Vagina Day!

The Inspirational Blogger

Sometimes your head is exploding in the process. The process of blogging that is. What will I blog about today? Where do you want to go today? Not to penis land again, that's for sure. I believe we covered that field pretty good yesterday. I googled a bit and came up with some helpful inspirational ideas concerning eventual themes for your blogging..

5 things about your hometown.
5 things you hate about your Mother-in-law.
A brush with fame.
A family vacation gone wrong.
Alcohol: your thoughts.

So, I will give them ideas some thought during the day and eventually there will be something inspirational later... I already have lots of thoughts about alcohol..

Tom Sizemore and the Whizzinator

To sum up the days events here at Superblog!! let's check out the Whizzinator! Actor Tom Sizemore (Black Hawk Down, Pearl Harbor, etc) used this revolutionary product when he tried to pass a drug-test. You might say that he got caught with his pants down.. (I know, not FUN FUN FUN!!, but still...)

Prosecutors said Sizemore, 43, had failed court-imposed drug testing seven times this month alone, despite living in a drug treatment center. In one case, he was caught trying to use a prosthetic penis sewn into his boxer shorts and filled with a clean urine sample to fake the results.

Let's forget about the meth-head Sizemore and move over to the prosthetic penis; the Whizzinator! How does it work and how cool is it to walk around with a strap-on for several hours ?

As you can see, the elastic straps are adjustable. Any excess length can be taken up by going once around the belt before fastening. Try positioning the belt so that the end of the prosthesis hangs to the end of your own penis. That will make it much easier to find. Our clip valve, which releases the urine can make a slight snap sound when it is opened. Try disguising the sound by clearing your throat or coughing as you open it. To operate The Whizzinator, hold the prosthesis with one hand and pinch it just behind the head to prevent any flow as you open the clip valve with your other hand. Then, take the sample cup, relax the pinch and Whiz. This operation will approximate the natural way that you would urinate into a cup. Remember, practice makes perfect.

Yeah, all of that sounds like the truth to me and most likely, all of these testimonials are for real !!

I have to test while being observed, and not only was it undetectable, but I passed with flying colors. This product is AMAZING!! Thanks again!!
Robin B, VA

Wow this product is great. I passed my drug test like that! you guys are so awesome. because of you, im not in jail..ty
BALLS, MI

Balls, huh... A real man uses his own penis. That's what the Bible says. Anyway, if you buy a whizzinator or two, remember to read the fine print.

The Whizzinator is to be used in accordance with all Federal, State and Local laws. The Whizzinator is not a medical device.

1-2-3, I'm Peeing On You

I created a game today. The game is called "1-2-3, I'm peeing on you" (Swedish: 1-2-3, jag kissar på dig). Here's how it works:

1. Make sure you have some people around you.
2. Start pointing at people, while simultaneously counting from "1". It's like you assign everyone a number (remember this number - it will come in handy later).
3. After you hit "3", say "I'm peeing on you" to the person next to the one named as number three. That person is the loser. Note: It's not necessary that he or she should hear or understand you.
4. The game ends, but life goes on.

David Spade Grows Penis on his Nose!

Just kidding! (not really) Apparently David was making fun of Owen Wilson's penis-formed nose !! But do we really know for sure it was a prosthetic?

Broadcasting and Cable magazine said Spade used a fake penis as a prosthetic nose when he spoofed actor Owen Wilson during a sketch.
The magazine reported that Spade's nose "looked like a urologically-correct appendage, right down to what we believe is called the dorsal vein."

See? I'm also in the penis-business now!!

Evil Comics #5: The Origin of Superblog!!, Part One

To make up for the low level of evilness in the last edition (I mean, what's "evil" about Marco Polo being butt-fucked?), this one features child abuse! I ask you, is there anything more evil than child abuse? Probably not. And it's all done with language!

This is the first half. I'll post Part Two tomorrow or so. The original story was published in Superman #1 (June, 1938).

Previous Evil Comics:

#1: Superblog!!'s Pal, Jimmy Olsen (cover)

#2: Superblog!!'s Girl Friend, Lois Lane (cover)

#3: Jimmy Olsen's Fist of DOOM! (cover)

#4: Marco Polo's Journey of Fucking, Part One

Star Wars Trailer!! (The Revenge of the Koala)

Since I totally lack the capabilities for creative blogging today I'll just provide a link to the new Star Wars Trailer !!!!

In other space news: Tomorrow a big stone will pass Earth and miss it by just 6,020,400 kilometers. (that's like around 500 miles)

What an interesting world and age we live in.

Penis News Special

It's time for the weekly Superblog!! round-up of penis-related news stories. (Some of these were found via Wacky Stuff, one of our wacky neighbors, and Google News.)

Reno Man Cuts Off His Own Dick

A 50-year-old Reno man who was hospitalized after he castrated himself told police he learned of the procedure on the Internet and did so to lower his libido.
[...]
"The man obviously needs some sort of counseling," Reno police Lt. Ron Donnelly told the Reno Gazette-Journal.

Are you a licensed psychiatrist, Mr Donnelly? No? Then SHUT UP. The man did what he felt he had to do and we should respect him for it. I can't tell you how many times I've thought about cutting off my own penis. Okay, I can: seventeen times. And all for very good reasons. Like hunger:

Phillippino Cuts Off His Own Penis, Eats It

A 40-year-old man is recovering in hospital in The Philippines after cutting off his penis and eating it.
Asked about Ernesto Almonte's mental state, a hospital spokesman said: "If you cut your sex organ and then eat it, then something is wrong with you."

There you go again, assuming stuff. Anyway, this kind of thing happens from time to time. You might remember this story from last year:

BUCHAREST, Romania - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken’s neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it [...] 67-year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.

Constantine! Now that movie SUCKED. Where was I? Oh yeah, penises.

Romanian's Wedding Ring Removed From His Penis

The patient, who is married and has two children, told doctors he had a one night stand with another woman.
He couldn't say how the ring got onto his penis but suspected the mistress wanted to embarrass him because he fell asleep during sex.

Yeah, that seems likely, you cock-ring-using East European, you. Now we're entering the Twilight Zone:

Two-Cock German Loses Wife

A German who persuaded doctors to give him a second penis has lost his wife after he showed her the result.
Biker Michael Gruber, 40, lost his original penis in a motorbike accident and doctors built him a second one using a mixture of skin, bone and other tissues from his own body.
The penis worked so well that he was even able to father a child with his wife Bianca, 25, and their son Etienne was born last year.
But Gruber was still not happy and asked doctors to repeat the operation and build him a better organ, to which they agreed.
However, before removing the first penis doctors said they needed to make sure the new tissue transplant was a success, and had to leave the first penis in place.
[...]
His testicles are intact and will be connected to what is actually his third penis when doctors are happy the operation was a success.

Three penises! I've just got one, and it's an unimpressive one at that. I could go on with this all day, because amusing penis stories occur every single day, and twice on Sundays. But let's round it up with a bizarre one, written in "Indian English":

Doctors cut man's micro-penis off and grow it on his forearm

Needless to say that there is no normal man in the world who would agree to bid farewell to his genitals and have his penis cut off. It is an open secret that the male organ is considered to be the object of eternal pride for all normal men living on Earth. However, if there is an experienced surgeon, who guarantees a considerable increase of the penis size after such an execution, some men would probably take a risk to experience the miraculous genital reincarnation.

Russian doctors from a Moscow hospital have recently performed such an operation on one of their patients. They cut his tiny penis off in order to grow the organ and attach it again to its natural place. Furthermore, the doctors were growing the phallus on the man's arm.

A 30-year-old man was suffering from a serious pathology - the genital hypoplasia. The man's reproductive organ was unusually small in other words. Doctors usually use a traditional operation in such occasions: they cut the micro-penis off, and make a new one from the forearm tissue. There was a doctor, however, a specialist of male problems, who decided to use a different method of treatment. The doctor decided not to remove the natural tissue of the small penis, but to attach a so-called neo-phallus to the top of the defective organ.

Neo-phallus! The story goes on, but I think we'll bow out here. Good night, Superblog!! fans! Stay rigid!

Become Superblog!! Recruiter of the Week! (or die)

Dear visitor. Make your dreams come true!! Become Superblog!! Recruiter of the Week! What's in it for you? Well, besides from the good warm feeling of being a upstanding Superblog!!-fan you'll also be able to win the grand prize: THE COMPLETE SUPERBLOG!! VISITOR's COMPANION. Signed and personally delivered to your frontdoor (hot from the presses) by Malcolm McDowell. The following nine most successful recruiters will receive a bitch-slapping performed personally by Paul Wolfowitz. For those of you failing to reach the top ten list... pain, suffering, sulphur and bad poetry awaits.

Here's an appetizer:

MAKE THE PIE HIGHER by George W. Bush

I think that we all agree, the past is over. This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses.
Rarely is the question asked Is our children learning? Will the highways of the internet become more few? How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimated me. I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity. I know that the human being and the fish can coexist. Families is where our nation finds hope, where Our wings take dream.
Put food on your family! Knock down the tollbooth! Vulcanize society! Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!

What are you waiting for? Start calling your friends (real and imaginary)! There can only be one !!!

Evil Comics: Marco Polo's Journey of Fucking, Part One

Okay, so once again, not very evil. But this masterpiece prompts me to ask a couple of questions:

Question #1: Could Sven Elvén, presumably a cartoonist of Swedish descent, ever have guessed that some of his work would be distorted and abused on an international weblog run by two Swedes some 67 years later? If so, would he have appreciated the irony? (Yes, we're talking the Alanis Morissette brand of irony here:

She exclaims, "Isn't it ironic...don't you think?" My answer: "No!" I have critically analyzed her lyrics and have found only 1 ironic episode therein.)

Question #2: Was Marco Polo, as all evidence (see pictorial depiction above) seems to indicate, primarily concerned with copulation? And was he gay or just experimenting?

The original comic was published in Action Comics #1 (June, 1938), but that version sucked. This one rules.

Previous Evil Comics:
one
two
three

Hulk Smash

Why nobody blog? Why Superblog!! suck so hard lately? Hulk mad now! Hulk destroy Superblog!! unless Superblog!! start ruling again soon!!

(By the way, the above image was stolen from Kippfest:"Bitch-ass!" Drs.Marhime:"Yeah Boy." John's Broertje:"Dem.". The site appears to be written in a language I don't understand. It promises nude pictures of Britney Spears but most of these are perhaps slightly disappointing. However, the picture of Britney screwing* herself is very artfully done.

*I can't say fucking because this is a family blog.)

A Word From our Sponsors

It's a once in a lifetime opportunity! Gear up for some action blogging. Superblog!! launces a joint venture operation with israelmilitary.com!!

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Now you can blog from war zones without being afraid of angry jihadists aiming for your balls!!

Marx, Pigs and Other Cool Animals

The excellent looking picture was made by Montage-a-google. You select a word and get a montage. Works every time. Like magic. He looks kind of stylish Marx, but in real life he was a piglet.

Meanwhile, Karl had became one of the world's strongest advocates for a religion-free world. "Stay away from religion you fucking fuckers" was his famous battle-cry in the well-known work "The Communist Manifesto," co-authored by revolutionary thinker and "fuck-buddy" Friedrich Engels. Publicly, Marx adamantly condemned religion, calling it many dirty names like "nigga" or "hippie." How ironic it is that behind closed doors Karl Marx had once again entered the downward spiral towards salvation. For most of his years he lived a two-faced life, one as a cross-dressing religion addict who sucked off sailors for pamphlets, and the other as a revolutionary academic who wrote such works as "The Essence of Christianity" and "Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger Pumps and Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag, Baby."

Yeah, that's how it really was.

Anti-Blogging: The World-Wide Communist Football Conspiracy

Or, in the United States, soccer:

Football is the most widely played and watched team sport in the world. The game is often known as soccer, short for association football (which by itself is a third occasional term), to differentiate it from other codes of football.

Yes. Since I have recently taken an anti-blogging oath, I will refrain from comment and instead simply reproduce more Wikipedian information:

Football is the name given to a number of different team sports. The most popular of these are Association football (also known as soccer), American football, Rugby football, Australian Rules football, Gaelic football, and Canadian football.

All of these games involve scoring points with a round or ellipsoid ball (itself called a football), by moving the ball into, onto or over, a goal area or line defended by the opposing team. Many of the modern games have their origins in England, but — since ancient times — many peoples around the world have played games which involved kicking and/or carrying a ball.

Remember, kids: It's not blogging if you just cut and paste!!

Don't Blog and Drive.

Ha ha! I don't have to blog either! Checking out GT4 will be my main priority tonight. It's the perfect excuse for not blogging (much) if you think about it. To keep you busy I stole this entire poem from some kid.

When My Dog Died
Lauren Thomas Grade 4 Pinecrest Elementary School

When my dog died,
I cried and cried.
I went to school,
But still cried and cried.
Other kids beat me bad.
Because I lied.

When my dog died,
I felt very glad.
I talked to my dad,
But I still felt very glad.
When my dog died,
I yelled "It's so fucking fair!"
I thought for a moment,
But still I yelled "It's so fucking fair!"

That's how it felt
When my dog died.

Beware the Anti-Blogger!!

I'm not gonna blog today and you can't make me! Ha! Oh, fuck it, I'll blog a tiny little bit.

THIS MARKS THE END OF CIVILIZATION: Dogs Playing Poker Auctioned Off for $590,400

People call me Koala and that's that. I'll tell you the secret of the Universe: Superblog!! is an anagram for "superb log"! Betcha didn't know that!! Listen up now! This is my philosophy in a nutshell: IN ONE THOUSAND YEARS TIME WE'LL ALL BE SALT ON THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN.

Especially YOU.

How to Find Information and Entertainment for Married Adults

A male dog is called a DOG, a female dog is called a BITCH. A male ass is called a JACK, a female ass is called a JENNY. A male teal is called a DRAKE, a female teal is called a DUCK.

I can feel you, dear Superblog!! visitor, looking at me with something resembling awe. How can I possibly know these things? Well, there's no trick to it. It's just a simple trick! You see, my computer is connected to the Internet, so I used it to check out a page on Married Adults.com, a website full of useful information, "for Adults ...Married Adults that is" [sic].

Now, I'm not married, and it would be a far cry to characterize me as an adult, but I still visit this site every single day. (No, that's a lie - this was my first visit. I don't know why I keep making shit up like that.)

Some parts of the site offend my liberal sensibilities. For instance, I don't agree with making fun of Howard Dean, because it is Superblog!!'s stated policy that Dean is a cool motherfucker. But other parts I find indispensible:

The One Year Bible is the key to reading the Bible in one year. The text is divided into daily readings. For each day there is a portion of the Old Testament, the New Testament, the Psalms, and the Proverbs, grouped in consecutive pages. The great thing is, you can start on any day of the year, and 365 days later you will be done. And if you get stuck in the "begets" of the Old Testament, in five or so minutes you'll be reading the New Testament or a Psalm. It never gets boring. [...] So pick up your copy of The One Year Bible today and start reading. It is published by Tyndale and the ISBN number is 0-8423-4608-2.

And I don't know how I've managed to live my life thus far without the aid of Married Adult's sister site Movies Without Nudity!

All men struggle with lust. As a Christian, lust is something I must battle, not simply struggle with. I have taken the stand that I won't knowingly expose myself to nudity in films. I also have a young daughter that I am trying to teach to be modest in an immodest world.

I am a huge movie fan, both watching them in theaters and buying DVDs. I wanted a list I could download to my PDA and refer to on the run. Most websites I refer to address sex and nudity together, but they do not provide a quick reference such as "nudity: yes or no."

You may say, "What about language and violence?" Well, they aren't the same kind of struggle for me as lust is. Frankly, I don't curse, and I don't beat people up. Too many men struggle with addiction to pornography. Nudity in movies is just the jumping-off point.

With the help of this site (and God), I found out that Sideways contains nudity, whereas Elektra doesn't. Thus, I will of course watch Elektra. To think I might have accidentally watched Sideways and been turned on! But Movies Without Nudity saved me. Thank you, lovely website (and God)!

Recipe Time at Superblog!! Part 3

Gah! (sort of) Another Hannibal-wannabe recently involved himself in the advancement of the noble art of cooking.
His name is Peter Bryan and he is from England. I wonder if he sounds LIKE the good Doctor aswell?

A real-life Hannibal Lecter who ate the brain of one of his victims was told he would remain behind bars for the rest of his life. Triple-killer Peter Bryan, 35, had a bizarre urge to eat human flesh.
After killing his friend Brian Cherry, 43, frying his brains in butter and eating them, Bryan wanted more victims.
The Old Bailey was told he wanted to go on killing and eating people because it gave him a thrill and he felt invincible.

The thrill he got (I suppose). The invincibility failed totally.

By now you probably wonder: Where's the freakin' recipe?!? Be cool! Here you have it. Enjoy! Do remember to use a cow's brain, nothing else.

Wash the brain thoroughly and boil in water. After boiling remove the brain from the water and remove any membrane and nerves carefully. Cut brain into small pieces.
Heat cooking oil in a pot or karai and fry the sliced onion until they are golden brown. Remove half of the onions and set aside. To the onion in the pan, add the spices, ginger paste, garlic paste, curd, green chillies and salt. Fry well for about 10 minutes by adding a little water if needed.
Add the brain and holding the pan by the handles, gently shake the pan to mix. Do not stir with a spoon. When the oil separates, sprinkle with chopped coriander, lemon juice, finely chopped ginger and the remaining brown onion.

Yummy !!

Banned Swedish License Plates

Since 1972-1973, license plates for automobiles in Sweden use a combination of three alphabetic letters and three digits. It started with "AAA 001" and we're presumably working our way up to "ZZZ 999", at which point we'll maybe add a digit or something.

However, some letter combinations are forbidden. Judging by the list of banned combos, the most dangerous word in the Swedish language is "kuk", a vulgar word for penis (related to the English word "cock"). You see, quite a few of them are variations of KUK, such as CUK, CYK, KUC, etc. Normally, Sweden is very liberal when it comes to language. For instance, it's perfectly alright to use the word "kuk" on national television, though excessive profanity during shows that are popular among children is frowned upon.

(Similarly, Swedish national TV can show nudity and even (obscured) intercourse, both popular in so-called "reality" shows. Though the first reality show - The Real World - was American, Sweden popularized the concept with the show Expedition: Robinson, which was Americanized as Survivor. Oh, never mind. As long as I'm in parentheses, the plate above was created with the ACME License Maker.)

Here, in the interest of public service, is the list of all banned letter combinations, replete with my translations, explanations, and speculations as to why they're forbidden. (For some of them, I have no idea. I've noted those with three question marks. Feel free to help out.) Incidentally, the list contains no combinations using the letters I, Q, V, Å, Ä, or Ö, because those letters aren't used on license plates.

APA - ape/monkey
ARG - angry
BAJ - poo
CUC - too reminiscent of KUK
CUK - too reminiscent of KUK
DUM - stupid
DYR - expensive
ETA - Euskadi Ta Askatasuna, a Basque paramilitary group
ETT - one
FAN - damn!/devil
FEG - cowardly
FEL - wrong
FEM - five
FES - farted
FET - fat
FNL - Front National de Libération du Viêt-nam du Sud = National Front for the Liberation of Southern Vietnam
FUC - too reminiscent of "fuck"
FUL - ugly
GAM - vulture
GAS
GAY
GEY - alternate spelling of GAY
GLO - stare
GOM - palate (???)
GUB - possibly banned because it's the beginning of "gubbe" = old geezer
GUC - possibly too reminiscent of KUK
GUD - God
GUK - possibly too reminiscent of KUK
HAL - slippery, possibly also banned because it's the start of "hallick" = pimp
HAN - he (???)
HAO - ???
HAR - ???
HAS - ???
HAT - hate
HER - ???
HES - hoarse (???)
HET - hot
HJO - a town in Sweden
HKH - short for "hans kungliga höghet" = his royal highness
HMO - too reminiscent of "homo"
HOM - the beginning of "homo"
HON - she (???)
HOR - fornication, adultery
HOT - threat
HRA - possibly too reminiscent of "hora" = whore
HUD - skin
HUK - probably too reminiscent of KUK, visually
HUS - house
HUT - respect for norms, maybe too similar to "hutt" = SUP
JUG - slang for breast in English, but probably banned because it's pronounced the same as "ljug" = lies
JUK - possibly too reminiscent of "jucka" = to hump, or move the pelvis to indicate sexual intercourse (it might also be too reminiscent of KUK)
JUO - ???
JUR - pronounced as "djur" = animal
KDS - Kristen demokratisk samling = Christian Democratic Gathering (an obsolete name for a political party in Sweden)
KUC - too reminiscent of KUK
KUF - Bohemian, weird guy
KUG - too reminiscent of KUK
KUK - cock!
KYK - too reminiscent of KUK
LAM - lame
LAT - lazy
LEM - limb, also penis
LOJ - apathetic
LSD - Lysergic Acid Diethylamide, acid
LUS - louse
LUZ - maybe too reminiscent of LUS
MAD
MAO - first name of Chinese Communist leader Mao Zedong
MAS - person from Dalarna in Sweden, also tax collector
MEN - injury (also the conjunction "but")
MES - wimp
MBL - Medbestämmandelagen, law that gives unions rights to negotiate with the employer
MUF - Moderata ungdomsförbundet = Moderate Youth Alliance
MUS - mouse, but also slang for vagina (the closest English equivalent would be "pussy")
MUT - prefix meaning bribe
NEJ - no
NJA - well... (yes/no combined)
NOS - nose (???)
NRP - ???
NUP - possibly too reminiscent of NYP
NYP - slang for intercourse (almost obsolete)
OND - evil
OOO - may cause associations with orgasms (personally, I'm reminded of the "O" face scene in Office Space)
ORA - sounds similar to "hora" = whore
ORM - snake
OST - cheese
OXE - ox
RAS - race, also landslide, collapse
REA - sale
ROM - fish spawn, the beverage rum, the city of Rome (take your pick - they're all dirty)
RPS - ???
RUG - ???
RUS - a state of intoxication
SAB - maybe too similar to Saab
SAC - Sveriges arbetares centralorganisation, a socialist union
SAF - Svenska arbetsgivareföreningen, an industrial organization
SAP - Socialdemokratiska arbetarepartiet = the Social Democratic Party, which has had Sweden in an iron grip for the better part of a century (its symbol is a red monkey, shown in profile, leering at the voters)
SAT - prefix associated with Satan, the Dark Lord
SEG - hard to chew, also boring
SEK - short for "svenska kronor", the Swedish currency (thus, the owner of a car with the license plate "SEK 123" could be teased for owning a cheap car. At least I think that's the reasoning.)
SEX - six, as well as sex
SJU - seven
SOP - prefix meaning "garbage"
SOS - Save Our Sools
SPY - vomit
SSU - Sveriges socialdemokratiska ungdomsförbund = Sweden's Social Democrat Youth
SUG - suck!
SUP - a drink of alcohol, snaps
SUR - angry or pissed off, also sour
SWE - short for Sweden
SYF - possibly because it's the beginning of "syfilis" = syphilis
TAJ - similar to "taja/tajja" = to masturbate
TBC - tuberculosis
TOA - short for "toalett" = toilet
TOK - a mildly crazy person, goof
TYP - type, but also slang for weird, possibly violent, guy
TOT - German for dead (Sweden is very sensitive to the plight of the German people)
TRE - three
UCK - yuck!
USH - yuck!
UFF - Föreningen u-landshjälp från folk till folk, a chain of second-hand stores that benefits developing countries
UFO - Unidentified Flying Object
UPA - ???
USA - United States of America
WAM - too reminiscent of VAM, a white supremacist group
WAR
WTC - World Trade Center (I'm betting this was banned only a few years ago...)
WWW - World Wide Web


Superblog!! performs a public service. Stay in school! Do your homework! Don't hit girls! (Unless they really fucking deserve it!)


Update Monday @ 14:20: Count Moocko chimed in with plausible explanations for TAJ and TOT. Thanks!

A Goldfish a Day Keeps the Doctor Away!

How I hate organisations that tries to stop me from having FUN FUN FUN!!!

One of the reasons for staying alive, except whisky, is to have fun. A lot of stupid organisations (like Swedish socialdemocrats) are doing their best to make people like you and me miserable. Take a look at the latest news release from PETA.

Bennigan’s restaurant in Arvada has canceled a St. Patrick’s Day goldfish-swallowing contest that was scheduled for Thursday, March 17. The decision to scuttle the event was made after PETA contacted the Arvada Police Department’s animal care division, which determined that swallowing live goldfish would be in violation of the city’s anti-cruelty ordinance.
"Hats off to the Arvada police and Metromedia for stepping in and stopping this stupid, pointless, and cruel event," says PETA Director Debbie Leahy.

Stupid, pointless, cruel!?! If it's true that a goldfish's short term memory is about 3 seconds it will soon forget about the traumatic experience of being swallowed. The human audience on the other hand will happily remember the contest for hours, maybe even longer. Reason, purpose and entertainment is what it is.

BTW: Picture above from the book titled "The Day I Swapped My Dad for 2 Goldfish".

Jebus Will Save us All!

I've been watching a couple of episodes of Lost so therefore, all I give you is Jebus. But Jebus is great. Turn to him and you will be freed from all your sins. Me, myself, I'm pretty free of sins, possibly I do have a little problem with sloth...

What it is: Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.
Why you do it: You're shiftless, lazy, and good fer nuthin'.
Your punishment in Hell will be: You'll be thrown into snake pits.

Well, there you have it. Uncle S will share the eternity with a bunch of snakes. I don't care as long as they let me sleep when I need to.

Kirk Douglas: Dead or Alive?

He's alive! Kirk Douglas is 88 years old and still going strong! Well, no, actually he's going pretty weak, but at least he's going.) According to this article, at 85 he made his 85th movie (It's called A Few More Years in the article though I guess it must later have been retitled It Runs in the Family).

But do you know how I know that Kirk Douglas isn't dead? Because I checked his entry on Dead or Alive?, a site that "tracks whether famous people are still alive or whether they have passed away".

Kitty Genovese is dead though:

She died 41 years ago today, at the age of 28.
Info: She was stabbed to death on a New York City street while three dozen witnesses who heard her screams did nothing to help, until one finally called the police thirty minutes later, the case became a cause célèbre

And also Krzysztof Kieslowski:

He died 9 years ago today, at the age of 54.
Info: Polish director, "Blue", "White" and "Red"
[...]
Cause of Death: Heart attack

The site also contains several amusing quizes, sorted into Dead or Alive, Put 'em In Order, and Guess the Age. I urge you to investigate the site and report your findings right here on Superblog!!, lest you die a horrible death.

Win Love-Shit with Darin!

Sweden's greatest pop star after Ace of Base and Roxette is 11-year-old Darin, who won the Swedish equivalent of American Idol. Darin's name is of course a clever anagram of nadir,

The lowest point of the celestial sphere; opposite to zenith.

In his latest interview, Darin revals that he's currently not in love, and that he likes his fans. Furthermore, his suggestions for Valentine's Day gifts are roses, chocolate and the CD Absolute Lovesongs [sic].

Now, let me depart from the stated subject of this Superblog!! entry to note that, when I googled for that album (Absolute Love Songs), the following appeared at the end of the first page of hits:

In response to a complaint we received under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, we have removed 1 result(s) from this page. If you wish, you may read the DMCA complaint for these removed results.

That latter page is titled "AzeoTech Requests Takedown of Cracks" and is from the Chilling Effects Clearinghouse,

A joint project of the Electronic Frontier Foundation and Harvard, Stanford, Berkeley, University of San Francisco, University of Maine, and George Washington School of Law clinics.

Do you know your online rights? Have you received a letter asking you to remove information from a Web site or to stop engaging in an activity? Are you concerned about liability for information that someone else posted to your online forum? If so, this site is for you.

Where am I going with this? Nowhere. I just got sidetracked. Until Google ruined my buzz, I was going to point to the part of the Darin page where you can win Darin's Love-Shit, and then I thought about rounding out this entry with something about William Hung.

But you know what? I'll blog about William some other time instead. In my mind, Google has thoroughly sabotaged this entry. Thank you, Google!


Footnote: This entry contains several lies. Can you spot them all?

Swedish Schlager at Superblog!!

Why is the blogging so slow tonight at Superblog!! ?? It might depend on the big festival of occult schlager taking place in Sweden RIGHT NOW. Schlager draws a big crowd in Sweden. Many of them are retards but many are like me, still playing with all the cards in the deck. Read more about the festival for gays, heterosexuals, retards and semi-normal people here.

Evil Comics: Jimmy Olsen's Fist of DOOM!

Oh God. I'm so sorry. I realize I'm going to Hell for this one. To the kids in the audience who may be confused and frightened: there is no such thing as an AIDS fist.

Cover taken from Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen #120 (June, 1969).

This is the third Superblog!! Evil Comic in a series of 6000. Here's number one and number two.

Recipe time at Superblog!!

Hey Kids! It's time for a follow-up to the follow-up!

Minutes later, the homeless man, having nearly finished the entire bowl of chili, discovers, in the bottom of the bowl - a small pile of dog turds.

Let me offer you some traditional Feijoada! Looks like dog turds but tastes just like really fat meat and black beans.

FEIJOADA
(Black beans and pork stew)

The slaves in the colonial Brazil created the "Feijoada".
They started cooking the pork meats that Farmland owners discarded such as ear, tails, feet in a big pot with black beans.
This dish became traditional all over the country. Since then, the dish was incremented with pork sirloin and sausages that transformed the menu in a famous entrée that everybody who visit Brazil have to taste.

And so I did and it aint as bad as it looks. Couldn't find any ears in my stew though, guess they were neatly sliced and unrecognizable.

I am Straight. I Like Shy Guys. I Can Totally Tell Nerds from Killers.

Via "Lord Hatred": test your sexual preference.

My result (believe it or not):

You're Hetero!

Well, would you look at that. It would appear that
a helpless heterosexual has stumbled upon my
quiz. I DO hope it hasn't scarred you too much.
WAIT! Maybe you were hoping you'd turn out gay,
which means, there's hope for you yet! But, in
the meantime; Congratulations on your
heterosexuality! Over half the world is your
oyster! Go and eat it! (Mmmmmm.... Oyster)

What is YOUR Sexual Preference? (as if you didn't already know)
brought to you by Quizilla

However, just in case I should go gay some day:

You like the sweet, shy type.

What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

And can you tell if someone is a programming language inventor or a serial killer? (I scored 9 out of 10, because I am awesome.)

Food Adventure of Today

As a follow-up to this here's a joke! FUN FUN FUN !!!

A homeless man walks into a diner with enough change for a cup of coffee. Seated next to him at the counter, was a well-dressed man with a bowl of chili in front of him. A few minutes later, finishing his cup of coffee, the homeless man begins to notice that the stranger next to him is not eating his chili, but rather just staring at it, looking confused and disoriented. Not having eaten in two days, the homeless man asks the stranger: "Sir, I'm cold and hungry and haven't eaten in days. If you're not going to eat your chili, do you mind if I have it?" With little acknowledgement, the stranger simply shoves the bowl in his direction. Minutes later, the homeless man, having nearly finished the entire bowl of chili, discovers, in the bottom of the bowl - a small pile of dog turds. Immediately, the homeless man becomes sick and vomits the chili back into the bowl. Finally, the stranger seated next to him turned to him and said "I know how you feel, buddy. That's about as far as I got, too."

If you think that one sucked (not possible cause it was FUN FUN FUN !!!) you can try to find something funnier at jokes2go.com...

Welcome to the most comprehensive humor archive on the Internet! Archives2Go currently contain 12701 items in jokes, stories, poems and quotes in over forty different categories and new items are added almost every day.

Superblog!! Presents: Homeless Persons and Their Dreamcars

I must admit that it is a somewhat strange experience to be standing at the balcony of a luxurius hotel and zoom in at homeless people. It´s also kind of fun! The funniness of the situation mostly lies in the fact that I had a soft bed and the man in the street had not!! By now I guess you consider me kind of a bipolar person. Guess what? Youre 100% right!! On one hand you have Uncle Sammy the philanthropist and on the other I am a twisted person standing in my robe with a freshly lit cigarette taking pictures at Brasilian Bums in the street of Rio de Janeiro. All people should be like me. It doubles the fun cause you get your kicks from both good and evil stuff! But seriously am I really that evil? A really evil person would have thrown some ashtrays at the Bum and I never did that. What fun would that have been?

Homosexual Necrophiliac Ducks

Welcome to chapter 3 in the ongoing Superblog!! tale of the evilness of ducks. This one, courtesy of the Guardian, kinda takes the cake:

The strange case of the homosexual necrophiliac duck pushed out the boundaries of knowledge in a rather improbable way when it was recorded by Dutch researcher Kees Moeliker.
[...]
It is not so much that up to one in 10 of mallard couples are homosexual - no one would raise an eyebrow in the liberal Netherlands - but they regularly indulge in "attempted rape flights" when they pursue other ducks with a view to forcible mating. "Rape is a normal reproductive strategy in mallards," explains Mr Moeliker.

As he recounts in his seminal paper, The first case of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard anas platyrhynchos, he [..] saw a drake mallard (anas platyrhynchos) lying motionless on its belly in the sand, two metres outside the facade. The unfortunate duck apparently had hit the building in full flight at a height of about three metres from the ground. Next to the obviously dead duck, another male mallard (in full adult plumage without any visible traces of moult) was present. He forcibly picked into the back, the base of the bill and mostly into the back of the head of the dead mallard for about two minutes, then mounted the corpse and started to copulate, with great force, almost continuously picking the side of the head.
[Read on]

It's like everything Superblog!! has been saying about ducks for years has finally been verified by science! There is a God, and he hates ducks, too!

Underground! Way Up High! Here Comes Mickey Eye!

One of my favorite comic books of 2005 so far is Seaguy by Grant Morrison and Cameron Stewart. Since it was published as a graphic novel I was initially dissatisfied with it, because it doesn't hold together as I would expect a "novel" to do. This is because the published work is actually just the first third (issues #1-3) of a projected nine-part story. It's unclear whether the rest will be published at all, but the fans seem to crave it.

When read as the first part of a bigger story, Seaguy works much better. On the surface the story concerns a bored, self-styled "superhero" in a world with no need for heroes. Some years back, the ultimate bad guy, "Anti-Dad", was defeated in a struggle that destroyed Australia, and since then the world has been peaceful. Basically, everybody is content sitting around eating Xoo, and watching Mickey Eye cartoons. Seaguy gets some further kicks by playing chess with a color-blind Death and lusting after a beautiful bearded woman.

In an interview (which includes a few preview pages) Moz himself discussed the theme of his tale:

As the story progressed and took on a life of its own, it soon became clear that it was really about the 'big brothering' of society, omnipresent surveillance and global disinformation. It’s about the dumbing down of culture, the creation of capitalist 'comfort zones' in the midst of social decay, about a world tranquillized and satisfied and quite unaware of the dark glue that holds it all together.

…and talking tuna fish.

Incidentally (and strangely), the story seems to me to be slightly influenced by the film adaptation of Lord of the Rings in that a gigantic villain is defeated in an enormous "final" battle at the start of the story, only for his essence to slowly seep into the world, and then return in the guise of a disembodied eye, floating in the air. (Of course, that presumes that Mickey Eye is actually a returned Anti-Dad, which is guesswork on my part.)

And I say "film adaptation", since Sauron doesn't seem to be "just an Eye" in the books. Apparently, Peter Jackson, et al, simply misread the novel:

Because there is very strong evidence that Sauron does have a humanoid physical form at the time of The Lord of the Rings, it seems most likely that the "Eye" is a reflection of his piercing mind or will. (It certainly does not describe his physical form, as the Akallabêth says that "the Eye of Sauron the Terrible few could endure" even before his body was destroyed in the War of the Last Alliance.)

To return to the main topic, I wanted to point out this review from PopMatters, which has several interesting things to say:

This is what Mickey Eye and Mickey Mouse do: not only do they re-write history, but they effectively colonize it. Disney has created its own version of the Pocahontas story, the Snow White story, the Pinocchio story -- these are the stories children raised in the Age of Disney will remember, will pay to hear again and again. In Seaguy, the hero fights back against Mickey Eye's appropriation of Zullibdig, saying, "Zullibdig's from mythology! It's taboo!" Social critics say Disney's appropriation of cherished children's stories is also taboo, a way of staking claim to the very essence of childhood and folklore. The result is the same in both cases: a world of safe counterfeits, where everything unique or interesting about our cultural heritage has been homogenized into to DisneyCo. There are no heroes, no imagination, just characters and franchises; wonders are reduced to theme parks; everything is flattened in order to be sold.

You know, I happened to watch part of an adaptation of Snow White on TV a few weeks ago. I was momentarily surprised that the seven dwarves had the "wrong" names... And then I realized that Grumpy, Sleepy, Happy, Doc, Dopey, Bashful and Sneezy are, of course, wholly owned by the Walt Disney Corporation.

I don't know what that says about the world, but I do know that I could do with some spiritual direction in my life right now and I think Mickey Eye offers the best deal.

When You Live! When You Die! Here Comes Mickey Eye!

Evil, Evil, Evil !!!

Since I'm in a hurry I decided this was a picture that said at least hundreds of words. (Yes, I am a lazy bastard.) This film seems to have the same philosophy as Superblog!! - "It's a no brainer". That's nice.
Evil Ed is a Swedish B-horror movie and i urge you to see it before you die. I will also try to see it before I die because if I don't there will be no review. In case I die in the sleep tonight, here are some quotations.

The gem of the film is the humor. The gore works most of the time but more for laughs. At its heart its a parody and a fun one at that.