Penis News Special

It's time for the weekly Superblog!! round-up of penis-related news stories. (Some of these were found via Wacky Stuff, one of our wacky neighbors, and Google News.)

Reno Man Cuts Off His Own Dick

A 50-year-old Reno man who was hospitalized after he castrated himself told police he learned of the procedure on the Internet and did so to lower his libido.
[...]
"The man obviously needs some sort of counseling," Reno police Lt. Ron Donnelly told the Reno Gazette-Journal.

Are you a licensed psychiatrist, Mr Donnelly? No? Then SHUT UP. The man did what he felt he had to do and we should respect him for it. I can't tell you how many times I've thought about cutting off my own penis. Okay, I can: seventeen times. And all for very good reasons. Like hunger:

Phillippino Cuts Off His Own Penis, Eats It

A 40-year-old man is recovering in hospital in The Philippines after cutting off his penis and eating it.
Asked about Ernesto Almonte's mental state, a hospital spokesman said: "If you cut your sex organ and then eat it, then something is wrong with you."

There you go again, assuming stuff. Anyway, this kind of thing happens from time to time. You might remember this story from last year:

BUCHAREST, Romania - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken’s neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it [...] 67-year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.

Constantine! Now that movie SUCKED. Where was I? Oh yeah, penises.

Romanian's Wedding Ring Removed From His Penis

The patient, who is married and has two children, told doctors he had a one night stand with another woman.
He couldn't say how the ring got onto his penis but suspected the mistress wanted to embarrass him because he fell asleep during sex.

Yeah, that seems likely, you cock-ring-using East European, you. Now we're entering the Twilight Zone:

Two-Cock German Loses Wife

A German who persuaded doctors to give him a second penis has lost his wife after he showed her the result.
Biker Michael Gruber, 40, lost his original penis in a motorbike accident and doctors built him a second one using a mixture of skin, bone and other tissues from his own body.
The penis worked so well that he was even able to father a child with his wife Bianca, 25, and their son Etienne was born last year.
But Gruber was still not happy and asked doctors to repeat the operation and build him a better organ, to which they agreed.
However, before removing the first penis doctors said they needed to make sure the new tissue transplant was a success, and had to leave the first penis in place.
[...]
His testicles are intact and will be connected to what is actually his third penis when doctors are happy the operation was a success.

Three penises! I've just got one, and it's an unimpressive one at that. I could go on with this all day, because amusing penis stories occur every single day, and twice on Sundays. But let's round it up with a bizarre one, written in "Indian English":

Doctors cut man's micro-penis off and grow it on his forearm

Needless to say that there is no normal man in the world who would agree to bid farewell to his genitals and have his penis cut off. It is an open secret that the male organ is considered to be the object of eternal pride for all normal men living on Earth. However, if there is an experienced surgeon, who guarantees a considerable increase of the penis size after such an execution, some men would probably take a risk to experience the miraculous genital reincarnation.

Russian doctors from a Moscow hospital have recently performed such an operation on one of their patients. They cut his tiny penis off in order to grow the organ and attach it again to its natural place. Furthermore, the doctors were growing the phallus on the man's arm.

A 30-year-old man was suffering from a serious pathology - the genital hypoplasia. The man's reproductive organ was unusually small in other words. Doctors usually use a traditional operation in such occasions: they cut the micro-penis off, and make a new one from the forearm tissue. There was a doctor, however, a specialist of male problems, who decided to use a different method of treatment. The doctor decided not to remove the natural tissue of the small penis, but to attach a so-called neo-phallus to the top of the defective organ.

Neo-phallus! The story goes on, but I think we'll bow out here. Good night, Superblog!! fans! Stay rigid!