Thursday, June 02, 2005

Superblog!! Enemies, Part 1: The Man Who Stole Ghost World

When you're as cool and fearless as Superblog!!, naturally you make a lot of enemies. Thus: I hereby inaugur a new Superblog!! feature, Superblog!! Enemies, where we'll discuss people who have done us wrong in one way or another. The first one out is Rudolph the Fucknosed Fuckface.

Once I attended a party in the building where Rudolph lived at the time. The party was pretty boring, because I only knew a couple of people there, and them I didn't really like. And the rest struck me as not worth getting to know. So I was just sitting there, drinking, trying to avoid looking people in the eyes, discreetly scrawling great big FUCK YOUs in the host's guestbook. (It's one of my hobbies.)

Around midnight I left the site of the festivities and walked around in the building. Somehow I stumbled across Rudolph's apartment. I rang the doorbell, but the fat fuck wasn't in, so I decided to write him a note. Being drunk, and therefore HILARIOUS, I wrote something along the lines of "We came by to fuck you but you weren't in. Therefore you are gay." and signed it "Tiffany & Amber". This was a reference to a similar scene in Ghost World (both the comic by Dan Clowes and the movie adaptation). But it later turned out that Rudolph (the stupid moron!) didn't get the reference, because he wasn't familiar with either one. So I had to lend him my copy of the comic and the DVD. And you know what? Now it's been SIXTEEN YEARS and he still hasn't returned them. (No, it was just last year, but it feels longer.)

Anyway. I've given up hope of ever getting my stuff back. Now I just want someone reading this to kill Rudolph. If you're a professional hitman, or perhaps an ambitious amateur operating in the vicinity of Linköping, Sweden, please email a cost estimate to Serious offers only.


Koala Mentala said...

Are you people mongoloid? You're supposed to COMMENT.

aughra said...

Do you want to set a reserve price for the bidding?

Sara said...

I tried to leave a comment but I can't think of anything clever to say.

I'm just that lame.

Anonymous said...

The final solution to the fraggle rock problem

Koala Mentala said...

Thank you all for commenting in my hour of need.

To clarify: It's not an auction, the winner will probably be the lowest bidder.

Infinigeist said...

"Rudolph the Fucknosed Fuckface." hahaha I just LOVE it!