Pope John Paul II Returns from the Dead

You might remember that the Holy Father, or JP2 as Superblog!! liked to call him, died a couple of weeks ago. But don't worry! Just like what's-his-face, the long-haired hippie fucker on the cross...? Jebus! Just like Jebus, John Paul the Second will return, even more powerful, to save us all:

BOGOTA, Colombia (Reuters) - Pope John Paul II is being reborn in a Colombian comic book as a superhero battling evil with an anti-Devil cape and special chastity pants.
The first episode of the "Incredible Popeman" is about to go on sale in Colombia and shows the late Polish pontiff meeting comic book legends such as Batman and Superman to learn how to use superpowers to battle Satan.
"The pope was a real-life superhero, of flesh and blood," said Colombian artist Rodolfo Leon, a non-practicing Catholic who has been working on the comic book for about a year.

Presumably Mr Leon is prepared to risk a lawsuit in this life because he'll eventually get his just reward in heaven.

Like any self-respecting superhero, the Incredible Popeman has a battery of special equipment. Along with his yellow cape and green chastity pants, the muscular super-pontiff wields a faith staff with a cross on top and carries holy water and communion wine.

I'm guessing the "faith staff" won't be wrapped in a protective cloth, if you get my meaning. See, what I'm doing is likening the staff to a penis, and insinuating that the Incredible Popeman won't put a condom on his dick. Because the Pope was opposed to condoms, you see. So I am making fun of him. Because the Pope was an idiot.

By the same token, the Incredible Popeman, gay though he sounds, probably won't be placing the faith staff in another man's anus.

Oh, shut up.