Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Extremely Old German Fucker Named as Holy Father

Yes! We have a new Nazi Pope, Cardinal Joseph Starzinger. (Some people are calling him "Ratfucker" but that strikes me as mean. Here in Sweden, he's known as Råttzångaren i Hameln, whatever that's supposed to mean.)

Cardinal Starzinger fought alongside Adolf Hitler in World War II and is personally responsible for the deaths of some 20,000 Jews (but don't worry, they deserved it). Installed as the 265th pontiff, Starzinger immediately changed his name to Benedict XVI in a pathetic attempt to evade prosecution for war crimes.

Bah, distorting news is thirsty work. Have some CNN while I pour myself a brandy:

Ratzinger, who turned 78 on Saturday, was John Paul II's chief theological adviser for 20 years.
As a young priest he was on the progressive side of theological debates but shifted to the right after the student revolutions of 1968.
In the Vatican, he has been the driving force behind crackdowns on liberation theology, religious pluralism, challenges to traditional moral teachings on issues such as homosexuality, and dissent on such issues as women's ordination.
The dean of the College of Cardinals since November 2002, he was elevated to cardinal by Pope Paul VI in June 1977.

Superblog!! is proud to be the first media outlet to officially welcome Benny to his throne. Is it okay if we call you "Papa"?

Almost forgot: Here's a picture of the new Pope accepting his Holy Ball.


President Preston said...

I want to have sex with the new pope.

Sara said...

If you're really 13, Captain, then he'll want to have sex with you too.

Koala Mentala said...

That's right! I forgot to mention that he's pro-pedophilia. (The Pope, not the Captain.)

What I'm wondering is, does Benedict XVI, like his predecessor, shit in the woods?