Why is It So Goddamn Hard to Send Your Loved Ones a Decent Clownogram in This Day and Age?

Would you believe that when you google for "clownogram" you get exactly one hit?

Give that Special someone a different kind of Birthday greeting they will remember for a lifetime. Bell E. Buttons will arrive at the Birthday persons home or office and recite a comical poem written especially for them. He or She will then assist Bell E. Buttons in a fun filled magic trick and be presented with a Balloon Bouquet and a Clown Helpers Certificate.

Sounds great, Mr Buttons! Sign me up! Googling for "clownograms" (plural) yields more, but crappier, results. (I did find a coupon that entitles you to $10 off one of Abby London's magic shows for children, but that's not what I'm looking for, damn it!)

"Clowngrams" (the singular yields nada), though, takes you to "Binky the Clown's Magic, Puppet, Juggling & Music Show !!!"

An interactive show that all the children
participate in. Starting at $80.*

* Ask Binky about adding Face Painting and
Balloon Animals for even more fun!

All this leads up to another interesting question: What the fuck am I doing with my life? I mean, googling for clownograms? What's that all about?