Thursday, January 20, 2005

The burning Bush and other biblic adventures

Dear Dubya,

You held your inaugural speech ....

"We are led, by events and common sense, to one conclusion: The survival of liberty in our land increasingly depends on the success of liberty in other lands. The best hope for peace in our world is the expansion of freedom in all the world," Bush said.

Bla, bla, freedom! Bla, bla liberty! We have heard it before...this is the alternative inaugural speech you should have picked instead.

My fellow Americans, I had intended to reach out to all of you and bring a divided nation together. But I changed my mind. America isn't divided by political ethos or ethnic origin. America isn't divided by region or religion. America is divided by jerks. Who wants to bring a bunch of jerks together with the rest of us? Let them stew in Berkeley, Boston, and Ann Arbor.

That speech was written by P. J. O'Rourke. He's funny, you're funny. Give him a call. Hire him.

Sincerely yours

Uncle Sammy

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