This happens to me every time I ride an elevator. It's a short film directed by Vincenzo Natali, not to be confused with Natalie Portman. Natali is the guy who did Cube, which I liked (and some other films which I didn't like as much). Natalie Portman is someone else.
The lesson is as important today as it was back in 1996: BE CAREFUL ON THE ELEVATOR BECAUSE YOU WILL DIE.
Just ask Sarah Connor:
Or Donnie Darko:
Or Harry Potter:
Or even Batman! (maybe):
The storm is a metaphor, see?
I accidentally happened upon a few old SUPERBLOG!! entries like from 2005 or 2006 or something and I noticed that we used to sometimes post about boobs or whatever so here's a sort of flashback to an earlier, better SUPERBLOG!! age: a YouTube clip in which Salma Hayek tells David Letterman how God cooked up the miracle that is her breastage (The secret ingredient is holy water!!). As an added bonus the actual clip is from the year 2006 - the same year as the link I provided a few seconds ago isn't from (because it is from 2005)!! A-maze-ing!
WARNING: Clip mostly contains talking. Don't click if you are allergic to talking.
SWINE FLU SOON!
Oops, I forgot to blog for a bunch of days. That will be rectified in the following days and weeks and long, dark years. We start today with a few links to things and places on the Internets:
YouTube: My Dick By Mickey Avalon (Lyrics). This was apparently playing over the end credits to episode 2 of Hung, which I downloaded from the Internets. But the evil release group had cut the end credits, as they often do. This is why piracy is wrong.
Speaking of piracy: You wouldn't go to the toilet in a policeman's helmet is satire but at the same time an authentic Don't Copy That Floppy sequel promises prison beatings for copying (via Unfitting). Oh what a world, what a world.
Piracy in Swedish: Kalle Anka utbildar dagens unga i upphovsrätt and pirate remix of same. As I said, it's in Swedish. But still.
Vintage comics: I Loved a Teenage Beatnik (via Journalista)
Another vintage comic, as in from 2007/08: Left Field, a 200+ page baseball comic (I downloaded it six billion years ago but finally got around to reading it. It's good. Incidentally, and just to relate this to the overarching blog post theme of piracy, the author is responsible for this quotation, which is funny even though I personally don't entirely stand behind it. I believe in piracy, just like I believed in Harvey Dent.)
From the Internet Archive via Jog:
A twenty-minute, almost totally silent film (no dialogue or music, one 'shhh!') in which Buster Keaton attempts to evade observation by an all-seeing eye. But, as the film is based around Bishop Berkeley's principle 'esse est percipi' (to be is to be perceived), Keaton's very existence conspires against his efforts
Compilation clip highlighting the best moments of the 2006 version of The Wicker Man, starring Nicolas Cage as The Bear. I laughed until the tears ran down my face and into my tear bucket.
(Please note that the original Wicker Man is an excellent movie 4 realz.)
This Midsummer, I couldn't blog because of a phenomenon known in Swedish as internetskugga. That's a geographic place where there is no Internet! In this particular place, everything was exactly like in Chevy Chase's Funny Farm - a film, which, ironically, is available to watch for free on the Internet. (Extra lazy bastards can view some scenes on Google Video.)
As you do in the country, I spent most of my time thinking about what I'd do with the bodies if I became a serial killer. I came to the conclusion that I would dry them out and then create a bone church like the one in Jan Svankmajer's short film The Ossuary:
Also I would use the nails to build a ship called Nagelfar.
As we all know, a woman's place is in the kitchen, making coffee. And if her coffee is sucky, it doesn't matter how pretty she is or how good head she gives, she's still a BAD WIFE, and should be made to feel bad.
Further evidence in these other YouTube clips: My coffee is murder and Awful coffee, bitch. Link found via Cracked.com's 8 TV Ads That Hate Women.
Instead, he just serves coffee in this YouTube clip from Jarmusch's Coffee and Cigarettes. That's right: Bill Groundhog-Day Ghostbustin'-Ass Murray. Serving coffee and talking with some musicians.
Did you know several of the "classic" Disney movies, like Robin Hood and The Jungle Book and what have you, contain animation sequences recycled from other Disney movies? Check the YouTube clip above to have your eyes opened and possibly your childhood ruined.
What do you say? Pretty cool or pretty sad? Or both?
Via Sekventiellt.se (in Swedish).
lt smells like shit in here! Is what he ought to have said. But he didn't say much at all. AV Club:
Billy Bob Thornton and his band The Boxmasters were on CBC earlier today. In a glowing introduction, Jian Ghomeshi talks about Thornton's many talents then segues into a discussion about Thornton's lifelong love of music and his new band. This is apparently not what Thornton wanted. AT ALL.
Maybe there was something wrong with his gear?
Learn Swedish and then watch the awesome REA interview with Sigge & Fredrik on internet piracy.
Via.
I'm gonna fucking kick your fucking ass. If you don't listen to Bale Out - RevoLucian's Christian Bale Remix:
(Link via the A. V. Club:
"You think this is some kind of a fucking joke?" Bale continued, punching a nearby plastic terminator robot so hard that the velcro attaching the plastic "ammo" to the hip of his futuristic GI Joe outfit fell to the ground with a sad click. "Like we're all just dressing up for Halloween? What don't you fucking understand? That's McG over there. Mc fucking G! I have to pretend that there's been a nuclear holocaust, and the world has been taken over by bad robots, and that this whole stupid thing is real! Fuck!"
). Think for one fucking second! Download the mp3. Hurry because this will only be funny for about ten minutes more!
This is not Sweden's national anthem but it should be. I mean the whole world's.
Original lyrics. Machine translated:
Turderland, Turderland, tuning now your people!
Let the blade of the kings!
Turderland, Turderland, open your HULK!
See all snowflakes flake!
Pour all the forests and mountains in a valley
Replace all the fires on cakes!
Force soldiers into the case,
until they get women and children!
Turderland, Turderland, fly now your buoy!
Run like a crane in July!
Turderland, Turderland, embed your bunk!
Sell your eggs to a COOLY!
Stand in the way of speeding up the club!
Bend your Bible to read!
Crucify the fule with dyckert and nail!
Love yourself and your nose!
Turderland, Turderland, carve a tree
endangered species!
Turderland, Turderland, now spread your loins!
Find your OS starts!
Chisel a fin of lost wind!
Stay in the newborn cradle!
Wash a dragon Gåtornas at the gate!
Hoist a hollow flag!
Turderland, Turderland, here is my hand!
Take it, shake it like!
Turderland, Turderland, you are my country!
I am your shining star!
If, like me, you prefer to spend the Holidays on the Internet instead of with loved ones, here are some hyperlinks you can click on. Each will bring up a different "site" on the World Wide Web! AWESOMA LINK MADNESS. (When was the last time you heard somebody actually use the words "world wide web"? Be honest.)
ALF VS. PREDATOR
Ultimate Fighting Championship FUNNY leg-kick (warning: pretty violent, but sports always are)
Watchmen: The condensed version (Comics for the lazy)
Tales Of The Black Freighter - reconstructed (Comics)
Achewood Just For Me: Cabs are a penny (Comics)
Presidents Izen-Hower and Nee-Xon (Comics covers)
Pass me the grafting serum (Comics)
Snorlax on YouTube (Those guys are trying too hard)
Cultural differences (Joke)
Noe: Ship of Fools (Some cover)
Overheard in New York:
10th wedding anniversary
Tons of coke
Airport
Commodore 64 game of the day (Games)
LOLcat SUPERBLOG!!
Erotic video: Japanese girl shows how to kiss
How many Asians can you fit on a train?:
(Video sent in by Racist Rudolph)
Shocking math: 3 to the power of 4 * 425 = 34 425!! (Math)
The Blog of Mapa Apa! (actually Ma Paapa)
Best name ever (Names)
NOTE: LANKAR is Swedish for links.
I'm thinking today we could maybe listen to Jerry Lee Lewis and his pumping piano:
Mr Lewis ruined his career by accidentally marrying his 13-year-old cousin-or-whatever when he was like 22 or 23. Nobody wanted to listen to his rock music after that because they thought he was creepy. Luckily, he found a second career in country music, where his creepiness was a benefit!
His nickname was "The Killer" because he sometimes dressed up as a clown and killed people.
Bonus linkage: Here he is a million years older!
"More cowbell" is an American pop culture catchphrase originally derived from an April 8, 2000, Saturday Night Live comedy sketch about the recording of the song (Don't Fear) The Reaper by Blue Öyster Cult. The sketch featured guest host Christopher Walken as music producer Bruce Dickinson and Will Ferrell as fictional cowbell player Gene Frenkle.
Here's the transcript.
My first and only priority is making sure the trains run on time. And then I want to win, and then I want Australia. Via the A.V. Club, via the A.V. Club.
Ernest Borgnine is a billion years old but only looks a million. In the above Fox News clip, available on the Internet website YouTube, he tells you why.
Via Journalista.
