Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Murphymass is Nearly Over


It's always sad when seasons end and now is no exception. Tomorrow Murphymass will officially be over and done with for 2009. And just a few more days of the year remain and then it will be 2010 and who knows what the future might bring? Further strife and poverty and starvation and homelessness and death, quite possibly. War and rape and violence, most likely. But even in the midst of all this sadity and worry, we have to smile and laugh and dance and sing. Because no matter how shitty our lives might be, we can be certain of two things:

  1. There are other people on this planet who have it even worse. (A dozen people starve to death every minute. A hundred children are born with AIDS every day.)
  2. In time, things will get worse for us as well. We probably won't starve, but any one of us could get hit by a car and die tomorrow. And even if no sudden catastrophe occurs, we (and our loved ones) are slowly deteriorating and dying. You're not just imagining it: time is running out.

And if those two thoughts don't warm your heart and make you sleep well tonight, I don't know what you want from me.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

The Ten Murphys of Murphymass!

It's Murphymass. Let's celebrate all the Murphys we know! These are the ten Murphys of Murphymass!!



1. Brittany. The best of all possible Murphys. She's in heaven now.



2-3. Alex & Sean. One was a robotic cop, the other a correctional officer. Neither of them existed, but were rather portrayed by professional "actors" who just pretended to be Alex & Sean. When this ugly truth was exposed, people were appalled and turned on them.



4. Bleeding Gums. One of the boringest of all Simpsons characters. And that's saying a lot considering how mediocre the once-excellent show has turned in recent years. Although the last season (#21) has so far been an improvement on the 20th. No thanks to Bleeding Gums!



5. Cillian. Slightly famous person who has, again, been employed as a professional "actor". The difference to Alex & Sean though is that in this case he himself is the actual Murphy, and the persons whose lives he acts out on screen are only pretend. There is no such thing as a scarecrow.



6. Brown. Unlike most people on this list, her FIRST name is Murphy. Totally crazy.



7. Can't remember her name. She's a model that popped up in Google Image search. But she deserves a spot on this Murphymass list as much as anyone.



8. Eddie. Of course! The star of Meet Dave.



9. Michael. Semi-known although mostly unknown for Robert Altman's classic Tanner '88 and its not-quite-as-good-but-still-worthwhile follow-up Tanner on Tanner.



10. Oakes. Obviously we couldn't leave the fourteenth Governor of Arizona Territory off this list. Learn all about his fascinating life on Wikipedia!

Next Murphymass: 10 different Murphys!* MERRY MURPHYMASS EVRYBUDY

*Or the same. Or none at all.

Monday, December 21, 2009

RIP Brittany Murphy, 32



First Patrick McGoohan, and then a bunch of people I don't care about, and now Brittany Murphy. Can there be any doubt that 2009 was the saddest year ever? Brittany or Britanny or however she spelled her name may not have been an A list star but I thought she was pretty great in a whole bunch of movies, chief among them Sin City and Spun, and The Dead Girl (which was good, but I guess she wasn't in it a whole lot). And as I recall, she was pretty hot in 8 Mile, although maybe not in Girl, Interrupted, or in Clueless, but that was a surprisingly fun movie if you're at peace with your inner girl. Which SUPERBLOG!! is. (And funness beats hotness most of the time, for hotness fades but fun lasts forever might possibly last a little while longer.)

And as a general rule, nobody who was in Freeway should be allowed to die! No matter how they squander their talent afterwards [*cough 24 cough*]. So this is yet more proof if any were needed that God is an asshole who doesn't play by the rules and therefore should be excluded from the celebrations this coming holidays. Accordingly, I hereby re-dub Christmas, 2009 Murphymass, 2009.

Merry Murphymass, everybody!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

April, 1923


Soon, up in the trees. CHRISTMAS.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Lankar


If, like me, you prefer to spend the Holidays on the Internet instead of with loved ones, here are some hyperlinks you can click on. Each will bring up a different "site" on the World Wide Web! AWESOMA LINK MADNESS. (When was the last time you heard somebody actually use the words "world wide web"? Be honest.)

ALF VS. PREDATOR

Ultimate Fighting Championship FUNNY leg-kick (warning: pretty violent, but sports always are)

Watchmen: The condensed version (Comics for the lazy)

Tales Of The Black Freighter - reconstructed (Comics)

Achewood Just For Me: Cabs are a penny (Comics)

Presidents Izen-Hower and Nee-Xon (Comics covers)

Pass me the grafting serum (Comics)

Snorlax on YouTube (Those guys are trying too hard)

Cultural differences (Joke)

Noe: Ship of Fools (Some cover)

Overheard in New York:
10th wedding anniversary
Tons of coke
Airport

Commodore 64 game of the day (Games)

LOLcat SUPERBLOG!!

Erotic video: Japanese girl shows how to kiss

How many Asians can you fit on a train?:

(Video sent in by Racist Rudolph)

Shocking math: 3 to the power of 4 * 425 = 34 425!! (Math)

The Blog of Mapa Apa! (actually Ma Paapa)

Best name ever (Names)

NOTE: LANKAR is Swedish for links.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Any Day now!!! Almond Paste!!

Yesterday I almost blogged about almond paste! So this means big almond paste Day tomorrow!?
Meeri christmas to all of you from all of me!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The Season of Nutmeg is Upon Us


Ha ha! I was just kidding the other day, it's Christmas as usual - suckers! Have some nutmeg:

In addition to being a common household spice, nutmeg is known for its psychoactive properties as a deliriant. Deliriants are a family of strong psychoactive substances that include datura and amanita mushrooms.

Ha ha! It will fuck you up on Xmas Eve. Both royally and legally! WARNING: May cause dry mouth.

p.s. Santa is dead. Tell yr kids:

Ha ha! That's just a drawing on a 'plane and not an actual squashed Sandy Claws. Santa is alive and well. SANTA CAN NEVER DIE. Try and kill him all you want, it won't take.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Xmas is Xancelled (Weak Fucking Shit)



I've had a horrible, horrible, horrible week. I mean horrible. Five filthy days full of fucking weak shit. Lord knows I've seen plenty of weak shit weeks before, but surely this was the weakest fucking weak shit week in recent memory. Or at least in the top three. Yeah, this week was some weak fucking shit. So: Fuck this week, and fuck Christmas. Fuck Christmas for all the boys and girls. Santa is dead.

God fuck us, every one!
- Tiny Tim

Monday, January 21, 2008

We Have A Weiner!



The proud winner of the Xoaxh Xarter Xmax Xontext is a man/boy who called himself "Mookster the Mook" in his correspondence. Longtime SUPERBLOG!! readers may recognize him as a longtime SUPERBLOG!! reader. As promised, Mook, or, as he's more often known, "the Chap", will be sent a personalized DVD containing the movie Coach Carter, or, if that turns out to be illegal, something else entirely.

The Chap was kind enough to participate in a mini-interview, part of which I publish here now. (Please note: There were originally 19 questions and answers. Some of the answers reproduced here have been edited for space, others have been pointlessly changed. For instance, his actual answer to the last question was "fish".)

Mini-Interview with the Weiner

b) How does it feel to win? Answer in 1 word or less.
The Chap: Supploy!

c) What are you going to do with the prize? Answer in 25 words or less.
TC: I'll put it on display in the living room for my whole family to see! And then I will watch the movie. I think I'll like it!

i) How often, if ever, do you read SUPERBLOG!!?
TC: Several times a day! It is a good friend.

j) How, if possible, could SUPERBLOG!! be improved to suit YOUR needs?
TC: Well, I can't STAND the thought of there being no more reviews of movies. That would destroy me.

s) What animal would you like to read LESS about on SUPERBLOG!!?
TC: Tiger!

Congratulations, Chapman! May your Prize bring you a lifetime of joy.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas with Mephisto!



He is red, therefore he is Santa. It is Science.

Merry Whatever, impudent fools!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Xmas Xontest!



Xmas is xreeping up on us, so it is time for SUPERBLOG!!'s annual Holiday Contest! Win! Win! Win a DVD-R that may or may not contain a scratched, heavily pixelated and partly unwatchable copy of the fantastic movie "Coach Carter", reviewed here. It's illegal to burn copyrighted motion pictures onto DVDs, so no, it probably doesn't contain that movie.

But there is a DVD, and the DVD will be personalized to the winner in some way. Maybe we'll write "Congratulations, Dieter!" on it, if Dieter is the name of the winner. Or maybe not. Maybe we'll write a recipe for chicken soup on it ["1 chicken, Some liquid, Prepare somehow"].

All you need to do to enter this wonderful contest is send an email to superblog2@gmail.com with the subject "I Want Coach Carter Inside Of Me", or something like that. It should contain the words "Coach Carter", at least. Otherwise you can't win. It's impossible!!

Oh, and you have to do this before December, 28 because that's when this contest ends. Please note that the email address you use WILL be put on several shitty spam lists. Ha ha. Just kidding. You will only be contacted by SUPERBLOG!! if you win. Which you probably won't. Win! Win!

p.s. This is a stupid contest, but it's not a joke.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

See How Funny Arnold Thinks Tom Arnold Looks With A Beard



Tom should grow a real beard to make the governor happy. A great white wonderful beard.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

2007: The Year of Watching DVDs, Part XVII/XVIII: Today I Became a Man



I did it. I have now seen all 250 movies currently on the Twofifty list, as well as all the movies currently on the IMDb top 250 list (they overlap but are not identical, since Twofifty is rarely updated).

Now girls have to like me.

Here's what I've watched since the last installment two weeks ago (19 feature films, plus some TV stuff):

Filantropica (2002) [formerly on the IMDb list]
Romanian comedy. Loser teacher turns into Fakey McFake to impress model. Watchable but unspectacular.


Angels in America (2003) (6 episodes)
Gayness, pestilence and ethics. It starts badly, with Meryl Streep playing as a male Rabbi for no discernible reason. She's speaking in front of an audience, and I kept waiting for them to notice that the Rabbi is obviously a woman (in fact, obviously Meryl Streep!) in disguise, but no. I don't see the point, and it's distracting. The dialogue is "clever" in a rather artificial way, and it often feels like a filmed play rather than a film adaptation of a play. Luckily, the acting is generally excellent, sometimes the dialogue is actually clever, and some scenes are magical. Synchronicity: The first episode misquotes the last line from Sunset Boulevard.


Prison Break, Season One, Episodes 1-3 (2005)
It's not exactly bad, but the setup is contrived, the dialogue uninspired and the plot developments slightly too predictable. There's little in these three episodes we haven't seen many times before. Plus, since it's on a major network, it portrays a curiously sanitized version of prison life: No nudity, no foul language, "censored" violence. This wouldn't be a problem if the show still gave a feeling of authenticity, but it doesn't.


The Stepfather (1987) (repeat)
Stupidish but mega-fun thriller about one man's futile search for the perfect family. Many laugh-out-loud moments and very suspenseful ending. This is what Terry O'Quinn would be remembered for after his death if not for Lost two decades later. Written by Donald Westlake.


Shadow of a Doubt (1943) (repeat)
Reviewed in two sentences in Part XVI. But this time I think I'll give it five Keatons.


Sunset Boulevard (1950) (repeat)
It's sad and funny, mad and sane. Reviewed with the words "Fucking great" in Part I back in January.


Election (1999)
Comedy by Alexander Payne with Matthew Broderick and Reese Witherspoon as highschool teacher and student, respectively. One thing irritates me: Everybody knows you're supposed to destroy the evidence, not just throw it away. Stupid Broderick! But the story is surprisingly realistic and the moral is more applicable to real life than is usual in this kind of movie: If you're gonna cheat, don't get caught. (Incidentally, my personal motto might also have been helpful: Deny everything.


The Matrix Reloaded (2003) (repeat)
Yeah, cool design and effects but that's not enough to build a movie on. I like the freeway chase. There's a few interesting scenes and concepts but the dialogue is at best mediocre, at worst piss-poor.


Sabrina (1954)
Lightweight but charming Wilder comedy. Audrey Hepburn is in love with asshole William Holden but he doesn't love her and she can't kill herself so she goes to Paris to learn how to cook. When she returns she is totally changed (no really) so Asshole William Holden falls in love with her as well. But just when he's about to cheat on his fiancée he gets glass in his ass so his asshole brother, Asshole Humphrey Bogart, has to take her out. He toys with her emotions but since he is old and boring she stays with Asshole William Holden. Stupid, expected ending. Fine flick.


Wild at Heart (1990) (repeat)
Reviewed in Part XV. It's uneven and a bit confused, but some scenes approach magic (the car crash scene is devastating).


Dial M for Murder (1954) [Twofifty list]
Stagy and overly complicated but fundamentally good. Ray Milland is a great villain, Grace Kelly is the supreme Hitchy Blonde. Originally shown in 3D but the version I saw is in crappy two dimensions which SUCKS! More dimensions to the ppl! The ppl want more dimensions! More dimensions!


The Final Cut (2004)
Kinda-fascinating concept but the execution is predictable and full of clichés (some of them: angry mobs of anti-rememory protesters, one "client" turns out to be a child molester, main character turns out to have an implant). Robin Williams is pretty good in yet another repressed, non-comedic role. The film never fully degenerates into stupidity, but as science fiction it's pretty crap. The technological advancements on which the story rests would obviously change many parts of society, none of which is in evidence here.


The Conversation (1974) [Twofifty list]
This was the final movie I had left on the Twofifty list. And it's pretty excellent, certainly one of Francis Ford Coppola's five best films. Gene Hackman plays a surveillance expert who gets emotionally involved in a case, which you should never do.


The Untouchables (1987) (repeat)
De Palma melodrama with script by David Mamet about Super Agent Eliot Ness (Kevin Costner) struggling to bring down Original Gangsta Al Capone (Robert De Niro). Sean Connery plays a wise old Irishman who [spoiler alert!] gets killed to motivate Ness - "this time it's personal!". There's little to no connection with reality (perhaps the most historically inaccurate bullshit is the death of Frank Nitti, which for me is on part with [spoiler alert!] Fred Abberline's overdose in From Hell). Very, very Hollywood, but rather enjoyable.


The Zodiac (2005)
Here's why the Internet is dangerous and should be banned: I was going to download the 2007 movie of the (almost) same name and subject matter, but accidentally got this one instead. It's a competent but boring adaptation of the real Zodiac murders in California in the late 60s. The biggest problem is that the main character, an investigating policeman, is duller than a sack of dull. Features Ethan from Lost (William Mapother) and the girl from Prison Break (Robin Tunney) in supporting roles.


Blood Diamond (2006) [IMDb list]
Leonardo DiCaprio is South African diamond smuggler, Jennifer Connelly is an American journalist, and Djimon Hounsou is a black guy. Takes place during the Sierra Leone civil war in 1999. Leo is quite good. As I dissed The Untouchables for historical inaccuracies I should mention this, from IMDb's Trivia section:

The song "Bling Bling" did not come out until 1999 and was not yet a major staple of the slang lexicon, therefore it would be unlikely that Danny Archer would mention the phrase.




Bad Santa (2003) (repeat)
Unrated version ("Badder Santa"), not that I noticed many differencies. A couple of scenes are a little longer, and suffer for it. I already own the theatrical cut on DVD so I downloaded this just because I thought Sarah Silverman was in it, but she isn't. So fuck. But still, it's Awesomeness incarnate. Few people could do Willie as perfectly as Billy Bob Thornton. (Well, perhaps Bill Murray, who apparently was signed on, but dropped out to do Lost in Translation.)


Zodiac (2007) [IMDb list]
I couldn't tell you much about this, since what I saw was a crappy cam version, and anyway I wasn't paying attention. But I already know most of the story since I watched The Zodiac just the day before. Here's the amazing thing: Philip Baker Hall is in BOTH. And I also noticed Christian Shepherd (John Terry) from Lost in it. That's something.

Who's That Knocking at My Door (1967)
AKA Bring On The Dancing Girls AKA I Call First AKA J.R. Scorsese's feature debut, which started as a school project. Keitel is a jerk and an asshole in this semi-autobiographical story of Catholic guilt. Includes a lengthy discussion on The Searchers (dissed in Part XI) and mentions Liberty Valance (reviewed in Part XII). I hate John Wayne. Anyway. Who's That Knocking at My Door is nice-looking, but this is the first Scorsese film I've seen where I've been bothered by the absence of a plot.


Matchstick Men (2003)
Nicolas Cage and Sam Rockwell are con men who con people. Good-natured until it turns evil. Good script but Ridley Scott's direction is slightly irritating at times. It's weird to see super-cute Alison Lohman convincingly portray a fourteen-year-old girl at 23. She's like the female Michael J Fox or something.


Letters from Iwo Jima
(2006) [IMDb list]
WW2 Alert! War film by Clint Eastwood showing the Battle of Iwo Jima from the Japanese soldiers' POV (his previous Flags of Our Fathers showed it from the American perspective). It's sentimental and overlong and doesn't have much to say but I'll give it three Keatons just to end on a positive note.


So that's it. I've done it and there's no need to see any more movies ever.