Doomsday Depression Emergency Kit

Somebody Kill Me Plz

Masturpeas

AKA Slightly Inebriated Easter Art (Not Very). Somehow, this shitty MS Paint job, which took like 2 minutes to do, really, you know, SPEAKS to me. It seems like a powerful statement on something. Am I an AUTISTIC GENIUS? Probably, yes. Yes.

The Egg has Hatched and the Kangarooster is Here

Come see him all team up to fight crime.

Today is the First Day of Easter. CUTTING THURSDAY. This day in Christianity we celebrate that Jebus/Jesus/Janus/Jorus/Jaxus/Julus cut his bread with a sharp sharp KNIFE. I was gonna link the word KNIFE to a SUPERBLOG!! post about KNIFE or KNIVES but there really is none, really. How has SUPERBLOG!! gone all these several thousand years without talking about KNIFE or KNIVES much, really? What an oversight. Anyway. CUTTING THURSDAY. It's today, and for less than an hour more. Some say PINK THURSDAY (it's a word game) but they are wronger than wrong. How do YOU celebrate CUTTING THURSDAY? Answer below, and if you don't (which you won't), die in pain.

UPDATE/MUPPDATE: Kangarooster is super-TM and © SUPRABLOG!!, Inc. If you use him we will Ipred your ass. This marks the first time Ipred has been used as a verb. History in the making: Only on SUPERBLOG!!

Free Beer / Featureless Mannikins

The shampoo in my hotel room keeps multiplying. Two days ago there were two bottles of shampoo and yesterday there were three bottles and today there are five bottles. This scares me beyond belief.

Today I drank a few glasses (3? 4?) of free wine and then I drank a lot of bottles of free beer and then I was charming. And then they all abandoned me, when I was CLEARLY in need of assistance. I was barely able to walk home and buy some potato chips and check into my hotel room and blog about my experiences. That's how drunk I was!

Oh yeah and I saw some featureless mannikins on my way home and they scared the living daylights out of me.

Look Out World

In Your Fucking Face.

In Your Fucking Fucking Face.

[Image stolen from Morrison/Jones: Marvel Boy (2001).]

Fun #2: Sheep Drinking from a Fountain

Look! It's an Asian sheep drinking out of a drinking fountain meant for humans. That's not hygienic.

KoalaCam #28: Spider-Man Drinking Alone

Continuing the series of mobile phone camera photographs of astonishingly poor quality from last Summer, here is a somewhat bloaty Spider-Man enjoying a solitary drink. I dedicate this SUPERBLOG!! post to Spider-Man's keeper, the manboy known only as Spidercrazy (no hyphen), in whose kitchen the picture was taken.

Recently Spidercrazy hurt me deeply by accusing me of being too negative (me, of all people!). I am currently plotting my terrible revenge for that insult, Norman Osborn style.

I Miss Getting This Drunk

It rarely happens anymore. I don't know why. Maybe I'm getting old and stale and useless.

Artwork by one of my favorite cartoonists, Jim Woodring.

My Summer, Part 4: DVDs & Scotland

SUPERBLOG!! Link of the Day: Boring Harry Potter Personality Test. I was Gilderoy Lockhart.

Summer continues. Lost of Wikipedia links this time. Aren't those FUN?

Day 16: Bought another fuckload of comics. Continued my nostalgic superhero binge with Secret Wars, which, to my great surprise, held up very well. Weird.
Day 17: Left Lickpig, went back to my apartment in Falun for the first time in 19 days, read Don't Go Where I Can't Follow. Reread The Authority: Kev, and The Authority: The Magnificent Kevin.
Day 18: Read A Man Called Kev, the last part of the Kev Hawkins tetralogy, or whatever you'd call it. Went shopping for food. Reread Punisher Max: From First to Last and All-Star Superman Vol 1. Both fairly excellent. (Level of intoxication: 0.9.)
Day 19: Read Shiny Beasts - pretty fun. Watched Equilibrium (2002) - sucked. Watched About Schmidt (2002) - a moving dramedy, maybe a little too long. But Nicholson has rarely been better. (Level of intoxication: 1.1.)
Day 20: Watched a bunch of episodes of NewsRadio - not very good, but I love some of the actors, especially Phil Hartman. Read The Three Paradoxes - slightly disappointing, cos it's fine but I expected more. (The title refers to Zeno's paradoxes). Watched Secretary (2002), an unusual relationship comedy starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader. The last act wasn't very good, but otherwise I liked it. Watched The Color of Money (1986), Scorsese's worthy follow-up to The Hustler (1960) (given a one-word review in Part 8 of The Year of Watching DVDs). (Level of intoxication: 1.3.)
Day 21: Finished I Shall Destroy All the Civilized Planets - The Comics of Fletcher Hanks - brilliant and insane. Watched Final Destination (2000), which I got from Sammy for my birthday. Dr Arzt from Lost and Ali Larter from Heroes (dissed in Part 19 of my DVD-watching extravaganza) are in it. The tacked-on ending super-sucks. The alternate version, available on the DVD, is much more satisfying and and gels better with the rest of the movie. A short documentary featuring interviews with the film executives on why the ending was changed is an interesting case study of how to suckify your movie to reach it's commercial potential. Watched Hoffa (1992) - okay, not great. Jack Nicholson is very good as Jimmy Hoffa, but Danny DeVito is wrong for his character, and the script is one of David Mamet's weaker ones. Watched Next (2007). Nic Cage sees up to two minutes into the future, is hunted by Julianne Moore. Jessica Biel is girl of his dreams. Fascinating premise (based on PKD story), pedestrian execution. Like, you know, pretty much all PKD adaptations. (Level of intoxication: 1.3)
Day 22: Left Falun, went to Sthlm, continued to Nyköping and then Prestwick, Scotland. Then Tiny Troon. Hung around in a hotel bar. (Level of intoxication: 3.6)
Day 23: Left Troon, went to Glasgow. Wandered around. Bought 5 DVDs and a book. (Level of intoxication: 2.5)
Day 24: Left Glasgow, went to Skavsta and then to Lkpg. Bought a book and a DVD.
Day 25: Didn't do much. Watched a few eps of Ugly Betty and Veronica Mars for reasons that remain hazy.
Day 26: Went out. Finished Thinks... by David Lodge.
Day 27: Never left the house. Watched more Ugly Betty. Read some.
Day 28 (yesterday): Finished Basket Case by Carl Hiaasen. It was okay, I guess, but not very good. Cover by Charles Burns! Went to Ryd and watched The Illusionist (2006) with some people - fun evening but somewhat disappointing film.

My Summer, Part 3: Comics & Beer

SUPERBLOG!! Link of the Day: Manga-esque Simpsons

Summer continues:

Day 10: Read 52 Vol 1. It was decent.
Day 11: Went with my Dad to the mall, bought 3 DVDs. Hooray! Read Punisher Max: The Slavers. Full review may be forthcoming.
Day 12: Watched The Queen, read Punisher Max: Barracuda. Both good.
Day 13: Spent half an hour waiting in line on the phone with my parents' ISP. Finished Showcase Presents Superman Vol 3 (I'm really on a nostalgic superhero binge here). Shaved. Went drinking and shooting the shit with Rudolf. (Level of intoxication: 2.6)
Day 14: Finished Savage Dragon Archives Volume 3 which reads exactly like it was written and drawn by a teenage boy (though in a fairly good way). Listened to the Beach Boys. Had a few beers with my pal Xerxes. (Level of intoxication: 1.6)
Day 15 (yesterday): Went to the foot guy and received a clean bill of foot health. Went to the country. Went drinking with Sammy & Rudolf the Designated Driver. Mocked the latter mercilessly, for reasons previously indicated on SUPERBLOG!! (Level of intoxication: 3.9)

And SO... life stumbles on.

I am Ballast

Top ten reasons why I'm ballast:

1. In online conversations, I use "Bah!" a lot, just like Doctor Doom.

2. I'll soon be FOUR years older than I ever expected to be when I was a kid.

3. Everybody knows about Lolcats, but I'm the first person ever to think up a Loljesus project. (Except I'm not.)

4. Whenever I see a pregnant woman, I get a powerful urge to punch her in the stomach, but so far I haven't, which shows character.

5. I may have drunk more Al-Qaidas than anyone in the world. At worst, I ought to be the runner-up.

6. Since creating SUPERBLOG!! five years ago, I have yet to visit a strange city without being approached by sexy girls saying, "I love your posts! Do me! Do me right here!"

Okay, that's ten.

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Footnote: Ballast is Swedish for something. You'll never know what.

Drinky Crow in a Metaphor for Life and Work

Or maybe it's a parable.

Make Love Not Sense

Is what I would print on my t-shirts if I had a lot of money and used it to start manufacturing t-shirts.

Jebus. Blur blur blur. Sometimes there's a parrot on my shoulder and it tells me to drink and drink and drink. To drink myself to Stupid and beyond. To keep going hours and hours after my drinking partner has fled to the country. To spend all my money with a smile (albeit strained). Is it the Parrot of Alcoholism? Probably. I'll have to keep it in check with crackers or crack.