Top ten reasons why I'm ballast:
1. In online conversations, I use "Bah!" a lot, just like Doctor Doom.
2. I'll soon be FOUR years older than I ever expected to be when I was a kid.
3. Everybody knows about Lolcats, but I'm the first person ever to think up a Loljesus project. (Except I'm not.)
4. Whenever I see a pregnant woman, I get a powerful urge to punch her in the stomach, but so far I haven't, which shows character.
5. I may have drunk more Al-Qaidas than anyone in the world. At worst, I ought to be the runner-up.
6. Since creating SUPERBLOG!! five years ago, I have yet to visit a strange city without being approached by sexy girls saying, "I love your posts! Do me! Do me right here!"
Okay, that's ten.
Footnote: Ballast is Swedish for something. You'll never know what.