Photo #70: Fucking Famous

I had some whisky yesterday in fucking Falun, (dodgeball town of Sweden) and I believe that I'll have some more tonight. It's new years eve you know. Fuckers. fALUN IS WHERE kOALA LIVES. hE'S CRAZY. i'M CRAZY AND SO ARE YOU. OOPS i DID IT AGAIN. CAPSLOCK. sorrry..... Have a good new year as we say in Sweden, but we'll be miserable as usual because we're ruled by fucking socialist maggots. I'm not drunk yet but next year I will be. Every day.

Koala Writes to Santa Claus

Oops, I forgot to post my interesting exchange a few weeks back with Santa Claus of Canada and his helpers:

Dear Canadian Santa,

I am a boy who lives in Sweden. I have a small blog called SUPERBLOG!! which is a blog I write, but few friends. I have some online friends but not many offline fiends. Last year I didn't get ANY presents. I was wondering, will I get any THIS year (2005)? I know you are not the Santa for us in Sweden but only for all children in Canada? But perhaps you could talk to Swedish Santa, and ask him if you see him? It was nice talking to you even if you don't write back but I hope you write back? Koala is not my real name but my nickname. Merry christmas!!!

Koala Mentala
superblog2@hotmail.com

And:

Dear Friend:

Hi, my name is Jimmy and I am one of the elves who help Santa with all of the mail that he receives during this busy time of year.
But no matter how busy he gets at the North Pole, I know Santa takes time to read all of his letters! You can expect to get an answer from Santa within the next few days.
Happy Holidays - and thank you for writing to Santa.

Jimmy

And:

Hello Koala Mentala,

How wonderful that you took the time to write to me here at the North Pole. I love to read every message I get!
Christmas is my favourite time of year. Today I was on cooking duty, helping Mrs. Claus and the kitchen elves make the most wonderful snacks you've ever seen. It was my job to put the red and green cherries on all the Christmas tree cookies. We sang and laughed the whole afternoon. I bet you like helping in the kitchen too!
Well, I had better brush my teeth and get to bed. I want to be well rested for the big day. Thank you for writing to me, and have a wonderful Christmas.

Love, Santa

And:

Dear Satan,
I am VERY unhappie with the lettter I got back from you!! I took th time to right to you IN PERSON and you send me a fuckin FORM LETTER. Some BULLSH*T about putting cookies in Mrs Claus' cherry or whatever. I didnt beleive a WORD of it! I dont beleive in ANYTHING anymore.

koala mentala
superblog2@hotmail.com

And:

Hello koala mentala,

Did you know that every morning when you wake up, Christmas is one day closer?
Christmas is such an exciting time of year, and getting e-mails from children is one of the best parts! The elves and reindeer are having so much fun getting everything ready for the big day.
Some elves are decorating the Christmas tree and some elves are loading the sleigh. They sing and laugh the whole time, and play little jokes on each other.
The reindeer help carry the toys to Santa's bag by hanging them from their antlers. Some of the bigger reindeer can carry more than 10 toys at a time!
Well, I had better get back to work. I hope your Christmas is a magical one that you
will remember for years to come.

Love, Santa

Link-O-Rama #4

How fast can YOU type the alphabet?

I typed a lot of it in 5.640 seconds which is very fast considering it's the weird english alphabet without åäö.

Happy Xmas (War is Over)

As a Christmas present to all SUPERBLOG!! fans, SUPERBLOG!! has ended the war in Iraq. Starting from now, Iraq is a model nation, a haven of democracy, and perfectly safe to visit. The entire infrastructure has been restored, and all formerly dead people have been returned to life, and given new and perfect bodies, and Platinum American Express cards, and gift coupons for a free medium-size Coca-Cola at selected McDonald's restaurants (when you purchase a Big Mac menu).

How did we accomplish this? Through a patented combination of modern science and black magic.

Merry Christmas!

Have A Porky Christmas...

Today on Christmas Eve we celebrate the death of Jebus in Sweden. Tomorrow when the rest of the world (except for the strange muslim dudes and some china men and the native tribes from the jungle) celebrates Christmas we in Sweden are getting loaded. We are smart. You are stupid. Merry Christmas to all. Except for the strange muslim dudes and some china men and the native tribes from the jungle.

Christmas 2004

Santa 2005

The Shining Remix

As loyal SUPERBLOG!! readers know... and if you're not a loyal SUPERBLOG!! reader, what the hell is wrong with you? Get the fuck away from this great and wonderful blog! It's too good for you anyway!

Yes. As loyal SUPERBLOG!! readers know, just a few days ago I watched The Shining. Like most of Kubrick's work, it is a great and wonderful movie. I drank beer at the same time. Beer is a great and wonderful thing.

And here is a great and wonderful fake trailer. I want you to watch it. It will brighten your sad and pathetic life.

Fucky Fucky

This picture must be worth a 1000 words and in case I don't see you nice folks out there before Christmas, have a merry one.

Keira Knightley is Fat and Flat-Chested

Keira Knightley's name is NOT spelled Keira Knightely. Or, for that matter, Keira Knightly. Or, though she's sometimes credited that way, Kiera Knightley.

But Keira will never get her wish for bigger boobs until she goes under the knife.

SUPERBLOG!!: A Feminist Blog

SUPERBLOG!! Must Die NOW!!

When I logged on to ICQ tonight I saw that Koala had mentioned something about a soon to be released Ultimate Wolverine vs. Hulk 6-issue miniseries.

LOST writer Damon Lindelof is now turning his hand to comics with the surely-it's-a-joke ULTIMATE WOLVERINE VS HULK. Marvel have outright declared that this will literally be six issues of the Canuck with Metal Knucks and Naked Green Angry Man beating the living shite out of each other. In fact, the previews have been awash with the greatest image ever published by Marvel - Hulk tearing Wolverine in half.

Koala also said (or did he scream in agony?): You're killing SUPERBLOG!!

I ponder this for a while and suddenly everything is as clear as the water the sausage was boiled in!
Wolverine represents SUPERBLOG!! and when I'm slacking off I turn into the HULK! I'm tearing this motherfucking blog apart!!! Uncle Sammy smash SUPERBLOG!! UGHNNNGH !

Superstar Sarah Harding in Shit Shocker

From Female First, one of my favorite web magazines:

'Girls Aloud' star Sarah Harding once found cat poo under her bed.
The sexy blonde woke up one morning to find the nasty surprise just inches away from her mattress.

All surprises are nasty. Back to the story:

Bandmate Kimberly Walsh revealed: "I just find the usual under my bed, like shoes and clothes, but Sarah's found cat poo.
"She told us the other day. She woke up one morning and saw it. That's gross!"
Meanwhile, Sarah claims she looked like an Oompa Loompa as a child.

Yeah.

Photo #69: Big Ass Mountain

That's the back side of mount Åre. On the other side of that mountain lies Åre which is very similar to Aspen but not in every aspect perhaps. People are more shit faced in Åre I guess and there are poor people walking around aswell. Some of them have sore eyes.

Whatever Happened to the Book of Koala?

Well, obviously my novel experiment failed miserably. As I wrote in an unpublished blog entry on December 1st,

National Novel Writing Month is over, and loyal SUPERBLOG!! fans are breathing a sigh of relief. At the outset, I figured, "Hey, if I set aside just 10 to 15 minutes a day for writing, 50,000 brilliant words within two weeks should be a piece of cake!" Well, maybe that was overly optimistic, but it doesn't matter because I didn't set aside 10 to 15 minutes a day. I didn't even write every other day. So we'll never know if I could have done it. Unless I give it another try next November.

I'm a pretty fast typist so I actually write quite a lot of stuff for SUPERBLOG!! which I never get around to publish. Thus, unsurprisingly, there are plenty of finished book chapters lying unpublished, written shortly after the last entry. Should I publish them or delete them? Hey, should I even try to finish the book, even though it's long past the deadline? What do YOU think?

Answers should be written on the back of an erotic postcard and mailed to:

SUPERBLOG!! Headquarters
No 1 SUPERBLOG!! Blvd.
Sweden

L.H.O.O.Q.

In response to this picture by Moko, Goo writes:

i am offended by your un-politically correct use of the image of that black super hero.
here is something less offensive. you bastards!

Attached file shown above. Maybe we should quit writing blog entries from now on, and focus on publishing stuff people send us instead.

I'm Smart and Boring!

.....and thats why it's so hard to come up with stupid fun.... :-(
I'm not very good at finding cool links so I'm just stealing them from one of them cool-links-places.
Just to add some volume to this post I will reveal what I've done today. I have called people and asked them if they're depressed or not and I have bought some Christmas gifts. I ate kebab too. Kebab ain't very tasty anymore cause I've had it quite a lot lately. Hmmm.... last time I referred to boring was here. This works fine and now I'll just add a picture to this post. I think it'll be a rhino.

UPDATE! Some schmuck told me that our favourite zenmonki linked to that jumping dude a few days ago. It's true! He did! But my jumping dude jumps for 8 minutes instead of lousy 2 minutes and my jumping dude jumps to better music! I rock!

Fan Music: SUPERBLOG!! Theme Song

I think I'm starting to regret at least some of the mean stuff I've been saying about our favorite whipping boy Moocko in the past. Because how fucking dedicated do you have to be to actually write and record a theme song to SUPERBLOG!!? Okay, so maybe it's sort of creepy because it's clearly the behavior of a born stalker, but still...

An actual mp3. No shit.

I'll say that again: Moocko has written and recorded a song in SUPERBLOG!!'s honor. And you can download it here. He sent in the lyrics as well, but I think it's more fun if you listen to it cold.

By the way: SUPERBLOG!!, the very blog you are reading exactly this instant (how's that for a coincidence?) is one year old today. Happy birthday, SUPERBLOG!!

Baby Sam!

I intended to blog about my friend from Iraq tonight but realised that he would be very upset... Or maybe not. He claims that he was tortured in Iraq so he'll be able to take the heat I guess and being blogged about here at SUPERBLOG!! isn't really torture in my book. I'll blog about him in the future and I'll never tell him about it... that's the way to solve matters like that. Now back to tonights main feature. Regular visitors and everybody else may have noticed that my blogging has been somewhat weak lately. How come? Let's find out shall we?

Adam and Eve were the first parents. The Jewish, Islamic, and Christian religions hold that all people are descendants from them. According to Jewish tradition, Adam and Eve had 56 children. This was possible, in part, because Adam lived to be 960 years old.

This brings us right back to me. I'm not the first parent but I'm certainly the best. Being the best dad in the world takes some time and that's why I've been slacking off more than usual lately. I guess it will take a couple of weeks/months before I'm back in full blogging force again....

Koala was the man who kept things running here at SUPERBLOG!! the very day I became Daddy Sammy and every now and then there's been hidden subliminal messages in some of the posts.
Here's one and here's another and this could be the most subliminal one of them all. Surely I have proved a few things now!! I've had sex at least once! I know the meaning of the word subliminal and I have a friend who's from Iraqistan. BTW, it's a daughter and her name can be found in the subliminal messages.

Everybody Missed SUPERBLOG!!'s Birthday!

Jesus! Fuck! Shit! Cock!
Penis! Pee! Poo! Piss!
Crap! Christ! Cunt!
DARN IT!

Here's the SUPERBLOG!! entry for December 8, 2004:

Värsta bloggen drar igång NU!

Ja, typ.

Translated from the Swedish by InterTran:

Worst bloggen am leaving igång Now!

Yes , creature.

Or more freely translated:

The most awesome blog ever starts NOW!

Like, yeah.

However, this admittedly awesome blog entry was immediately followed by three days of complete silence. That's because the co-creators of SUPERBLOG!! went on a trip on the Ship of Death, to Åland, where we met Anna Book and, as per usual, got shitfaced. And this was back in the days when you couldn't blog aboard a Ship of Death (stupid EU laws!).

Okay, so that last part was just the latest in a long string of lies intended to eventually bring down the European Union and replace it with a council of learned men, on which I should serve as chairman, but the rest was true. And what all this means is that you might say that SUPERBLOG!! actually started on December 12, which is tomorrow! And which in turn means that you peasants should drop whatever you're doing and rush out to buy presents! Should you fail in this mission, you will surely be torn apart by your bad conscience, and werewolves.

The picture above is of a Mid-Sized Penis Cake Pan.

Link-O-Rama #3

Play that funky Xmas music until you see me blog about my arab friends later tonight.

Fan Art: Negro Supes

SUPERBLOG!! has many fans. Some of them are girls, some of them are boys. Some of them are smart, some of them are stupid. Some of them are humanitarians, some of them play tennis, and some of them draw faintly racist pictures and send them to SUPERBLOG!! in the misguided hope that it will make them popular. Perhaps the most prominent member of this latter category is the ever-mocked Moocko Chapman, familiar to all loyal SUPERBLOG!! readers.

The picture seems to depict "Negro Supes" (in Swedish: Negrostålis) getting pinkeye from a strange laser beam wielded by his arch-enemy Swastika Graphitti. At least that's what I make of it. Any other suggestions?

SUPERBLOG!!: Publisher of the World's Greatest Cartoonists

Back from the Dead

Yes! I have returned to save what few SUPERBLOG!! fans remain from the incompetent blogging of my somewhat respected colleague, Uncle Sammy.

Yes! I, the artist formerly (and currently) known as "Koala Mentala" (what a stupid name!), will once again bring light to the world! And I will bring tyrants to their knees! And I will bring food to the hungry! I will heal the sick and destroy the healthy! I will deride the mighty and weak alike! I will do it because I care.

Yes! Verily! I will do all this and more! But not today!

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow!

Sir Blog-a-Lot

I was supposed (fucking ordered) to blog some because Koala is away somewhere but hey! You know me. I can't blog these days.

Photo #69: Yes! We have No Bananas

I found a rotten banana in my pocket today and that's how I found inspiration for todays post. The bananas above were from Brasil. They are rotten or eaten now. We will all rot and be eaten. We are bananas.

Here are lyrics for funny banana song! Read and sing and prepare to die.

When you ask him anything, he never answers "no". He just "yes"es you to death, And as he takes your dough, he tells you... "Yes! We have no bananas We have no bananas today!!

Eat These Links Like It Was My Pussy

Holy unexpected answer, Batman!

In Swedish: What's the worst kind of betrayal? (sent in by the Mook)

CNN hates Bush

MTV Obsessed: the game (highly addictive)

Other "cool" (nerdy) Flash games

Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic trailer

Special Bonus Link Section featuring Arnie the Ass-Lover!

As I said to Katie when she posted a link to the masterful travelogue Arnold Schwarzenegger: Carnival in Rio,

Jesus! I used to think Arnold was a piece of shit, but now I realize he's the COOLEST motherfucker who ever walked the Earth. If Arnold isn't appointed General Secretary of the U.N. once Kofi resigns in shame, I'll kill myself with a sharp stick. (Oh, and if I remember to, I'll rip you off and post this shit on SUPERBLOG!!.)

And now I have.

By the way: Katie says it's "NOT work safe", but I guess she means by American standards. I watched the clip on a laptop during a funeral, and no one batted an eye. It does feature some very sexy carrot-eating, though.

Fuck You

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.


This SUPERBLOG!! entry is dedicated to THE WORLD.

Photo #68: Black Hockey Player

Went to a hockey game today and got this photo of André Mattsson. I think he's the only black player in the Swedish Hockey League but what do I know? Not very much, so I researched some and found out that I never yelled anyhing like this to André.

'Go back to the South,' and 'How come you're not picking cotton.'

I never yelled stuff like that because I have such a warm and charming personality and we don't grow cotton in Sweden. Yeah... that's how it is. If you thirst for more funny racism related material (or anything else) you can always take a look in the archives of SUPERBLOG!! Sex, racism, comics, politics.... We are the only blog in the stupid blogosphere that can really say that we cover all bases.

Kneel Before Zod in 2008

Because General Zod will be a much better ruler than Christopher Walken could ever be.

Though Walken would obviously be a huge improvement on the current prez. Because Bush can't even open a fucking door. Okay, so it's a Chinese door and those are notoriously hard to open, but still. Plus it's probably locked. But W is stupid anyway. He's no Zod. Z is for Zod. That would be a supercool campaign slogan. "Z is for Zod." Christopher Walken could use "W is for Walken" but that would be confusing. But not as confusing as "D is for Dubya"! What the fuck am I going on about when I should have wrapped this blog entry up ages ago?! It was a simple matter of in, link, out, and I had to go and make it complicated and blathery. FUCK EVERYTHING.

Link-O-Rama #2

Do you need a pen? Of course you do.

Photo #67: The Goo

I saw this car and its licence plate today while driving around looking for people to shout at. It made me think of Goo. The car is a SAAB and I'll now demonstrate my abilities to sink deeper into the land of hollowness. In Sweden there's a saying that goes; Stand like a Saab and for some reason that means
- Stand like you're a homosexual.

For those of you obsessed with homosexuality, this is the place to be.

For those of you obsessed with licence plates, this is the place to be.