I've been away for a little while and in just a few hours I have to go away again, for another three or so days. So I haven't been and over the next few days won't be updating this cowboy blog as frequently as I'd wish and possibly not at all. [SARCASM]Fortunately, Uncle Sammy will be blogging as good as or better than usual.[/SARCASM]
This has been SUPERBLOG!! post no. 1600, although in terms of quality it ranks in the mid-1300s.
Hey dudes and dudettes, remember KoalaCam #41: Hey Mäm? Do you want another post just like it?!? If you look closely at the above photograph, you can see that there are letters on the table. Those letters spell the following sentence:
Börja sug fin våt zexy blod qk mähm
This is probably almost Swedish for:
Start sucking fine wet zexy blood cock, Ma'am.
This is the third and last of the series, I give you my word. My word is my bond. My word is worth a lot in this town. Never again shall alphabet blocks (or whatever they're called in your so-called language, peasants) sully SUPERBLOG!! forever.
What? Why did I add "forever"? That makes no sense. Also: I'm bored with this blog, I should start a new one. A cowboy blog. All about cowboys and the cattle they rope.
Just as always, SUPERBLOG!! top enemy, would-be astronaut Christer Fuglesang AKA Birdsong, has been thwarted by the weather:
Fuglesang was scheduled to join the crew on the Discovery's voyage into space on Tuesday morning but Nasa announced earlier today that a decision had been taken to put off the launch.
Weather is, of course, controlled by God. You might expect Fuglesang to take a hint and remain on the ground. But will he? No. Like a modern-day Icarus, Birdsong continues to attempt to reach the stars, thereby showing his utter contempt for life here on Earth. The Greeks called it hubris, but SUPERBLOG!! calls it FAIL.
I accidentally happened upon a few old SUPERBLOG!! entries like from 2005 or 2006 or something and I noticed that we used to sometimes post about boobs or whatever so here's a sort of flashback to an earlier, better SUPERBLOG!! age: a YouTube clip in which Salma Hayek tells David Letterman how God cooked up the miracle that is her breastage (The secret ingredient is holy water!!). As an added bonus the actual clip is from the year 2006 - the same year as the link I provided a few seconds ago isn't from (because it is from 2005)!! A-maze-ing!
WARNING: Clip mostly contains talking. Don't click if you are allergic to talking.
SWINE FLU SOON!
In lieu of actual blogging, please accept this partial scan of a comic book page.
Have you noticed that SUPERBLOG!! has been weak lately? Oh so weak.
The Best Megan Fox Picture Ever (not really)
A lesson for The Pirate Bay (why didn't I post this link months ago? it might have been fun back then)
Funny or Die: The Ballad of G.I. Joe (mostly Die)
Abhay Khosla's Bram Stoker's Dracula Chapter 4! (if i were a better blogger i would link to parts 1 thru 3, or least a previous post linking to them)
SWINE FLU NOW.
This might be viewed as a continuation of KoalaCam #40: Fin Kq Superblog.
The time: Midsummer.
The place: The country.
Having accomplished the amazing Fin Kq feat, me and my silent partner, The Enemy of the Internets, set our sights higher. We vowed to create an entire mini-epic, composed of every single letter of the Swedish alphabet! (28!) Impossible, you say? So science thought, until SUPERBLOG!! proved that only nothing is impossible! The mini-epic is reproduced in full here, translated into Newspeak:
Hey ma'am, start sucking fine wet blood zex qock!
Fuck off, James Joyce.
Get it? It's a play on words. Let's see what the Internets have to offer today.
Picture above from Abhay Khosla's Bram Stoker's Dracula, of which you can now also read chapter two and chapter three. It's a strange coincidence that he started a new comic just as soon as I finally got around to reading his last one. Could it be that he is secretly monitoring my reading habits? Probably, yes.
Speaking of reading comics online on these here Internets, yesterday I also finally read Inio Asano's Nijigahara Holograph, a fairly awesome manga about... about a lot of stuff, really. I don't know how to describe it. Wait, I do: It's 292 pages long.
My erstwhile SUPERBLOG!! partner Uncle Sammy very rarely clicks on links because he is an enemy of the Internets, but he'll click on this one: Conservapedia! Yes, it's Wikipedia for rightwing nutjobs. Beyond bizarre.
Superboy says ‘Know Your Country!’ Kids hate Scandinavian Sigrid because she eats kottbuller! (It's köttbullar, idiots!)
YouTube: Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue Part One - animated drug prevention television special introduced by George Bush Sr. (There's some further info on Wikipedia but sadly not on Conservapedia.)
Just sad: I love you, failed viral marketing campaign for Beth Cooper!
Michael Jackson Public Domain Countdown (also): Only 70 years and 141 days to go! Obviously copyright laws are completely sane and don't need to be reformed at all.
It appears that a fish baby was brought into the world today, courtesy of someone mentioned here (in the midst of all the darkness!) and possibly other people as well. I have no idea how many people it takes to make fish babies. Congratulations to everyone involved!
(Actually, I don't think either of them read SUPERBLOG!! but since this blog doubles as my diary slash notebook nowadays, I'm posting it anyway, as a reminder to myself of which date it took place on. Pretty smrt, huh?)
(P.S. remember to buy milk)
The alphabet is composed of individual letters, the number of which varies according to what language you use. In Swedish, there are 28 or 29 different letters (depending on whether you count W separately).
Letters can be arranged to form words and, sometimes, even complete sentences! One extra fine example of a complete sentence can be seen in the photograph above. Fin qk is Swedish for nice-locking dick. Superblog is actually English - the correct Swedish spelling would be Superblogg.
This is a revised and greatly expanded version of a story that first appeared elsewhere.
TALE OF THE ELEPHANT, PART THE FIRST.
There once was an elephant called Mr Elephantface (sometimes spelled Elefantphace). He had a hat and it was stupid. But his blue jacket!!!! It ruled. Sometimes, not always. His blue jacket was made of skin.
To be continued...
Hello and welcome to SUPERBLOG!!. Here are micro-reviews of some stuff I watched recently, and some links to further reading. Everything is listed chronologically and graded on a scale of Keatons. Five Michael Keatons = mildly recommended. One Michael Keaton = kill yourself.
Mission: Impossible II (2000)
Oh, what a fine way to start the list. It should be criminal to make a film this stupid.
The Way of the Gun (2000)
Clever, if implausible.
Ginger Snaps (2001)
Werewolves are better than vampires. But how many good werewolf movies have there been? I can think of very few. American Werewolf in London, for sure. Maybe Dog Soldiers? And this one. But shouldn't there be more?
Ginger Snaps 2 : Unleashed (2004)
The first sequel is nearly as good as the original.
Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning (2004)
Diminishing returns.
The Inspector Lynley Mysteries: A Great Deliverance (2001)
Completely typical TV cop drama/thriller.
About a Boy (2002) (R)
Hugh Grant is me, if I were richer and more handsome. Based on Hornby book. Surprisingly heartwarming.
Gerry (2002)
Experimental Gus van Sant film about Gerry and the wilderness and Gerry. Based on (spoiler) true events.
Russkiy kovcheg / Russian Ark (2002)
One-take tour of Saint Petersburg museum. Looks fantastic. Could have used an actual story.
Old School (2003)
Check out my beer-assisted live review and despair.
Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room (2005)
Documentary.
The Ice Harvest (2005)
Sometimes Harold Ramis knows what he's doing.
Wedding Crashers (2005)
Likable actors save it. Including Bradley.
All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006) (R)
Previously reviewed (sort of) here.
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006) (R)
Very uneven, but a few segments are great. (I guess I should get around to watching Brüno one of these days.)
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007)
About as bad as it seems.
Irene Huss: Tatuerad torso (2007)
Typical Swedish TV cop drama/thriller. Perhaps a little shittier than most.
Dreams with Sharp Teeth (2008)
I was a big fan of Harlan Ellison in my teens. And regardless, he's an entertaining character.
In Treatment (2008, 43 episodes)
Sometimes HBO knows what it's doing. (And what it's doing is remaking Israeli hit shows.)
Låt den rätte komma in / Let the Right One In (2008) (R)
Vampires are not as good as werewolves! But this was one of the great movies of 2008 anyway. Certainly the best Swedish film in several years (not that that's saying much).
Nothing But the Truth (2008)
Kate Beckinsale is reporter who outs CIA agent Vera Farmiga. Based on true events (obviously), but very loosely. Absorbing.
Fanboys (2009)
See Old Man Ebert losing it. Nerd vs nerd!
The Hangover (2009)
Funny. And it's got Bradley!
The Horsemen (2009)
Directed by Jonas Åkerlund. Dennis Quaid solves murders. Quite entertaining if you check your brains at the door. (But be warned that it really makes no sense whatsoever. The link lists the most idiotic moments.)
I Love You, Man (2009)
Unassuming bromance comedy which somehow may be my favorite 2009 movie so far. Strange. Maybe I'm just a sucker for Paul Rudd?
Kings (2009, 13 episodes)
Hugely ambitious network drama that was apparently a massive flop. Which is sad because it did have an intriguing premise, great dialogue, and Ian McShane.
Night Train (2009)
Twilight Zoneish thriller about a box. Should definitely have been titled The Box.
Terminator Salvation (2009)
I'm guessing in the long run this film will have a lesser cultural impact than Christan Bale's meltdown that hit the net in February. If you're interested in the specifics of why this film functioned so poorly, check out the link. It's quite illuminating. Oh, now I've posted two links in this review. How confusing. I mean the first one, which is also this one.
