Alan Moore in Forbes Magazine

Long-time some-time SUPERBLOG!! contributing prag Moko Chapman (you remember him) (he drew this, among other stuff) created this picture in his computer because he is a genius! Mr. Chapman, I mean, not the computer (who is also male). Although the computer is very clever as well! The picture depicts a vision I once had of Alan Moore as a greedy Watchmen movie-money-grubby-grabbing greedy sort of fellow interviewed by Forbes magazine. The real Alan, who is nothing like that, is nothing like that. Although he wears a similar hat! Hats, Mr. Moore believes, are the seat of man's consciousness. Without hats we would be nothing.

Image © 2009 Alan Moore, Inc. and Michelle Forbes. Used with permission.

Thursday is Thirst Day

Get it? It's a play on words. Let's see what the Internets have to offer today.

Picture above from Abhay Khosla's Bram Stoker's Dracula, of which you can now also read chapter two and chapter three. It's a strange coincidence that he started a new comic just as soon as I finally got around to reading his last one. Could it be that he is secretly monitoring my reading habits? Probably, yes.

Speaking of reading comics online on these here Internets, yesterday I also finally read Inio Asano's Nijigahara Holograph, a fairly awesome manga about... about a lot of stuff, really. I don't know how to describe it. Wait, I do: It's 292 pages long.

My erstwhile SUPERBLOG!! partner Uncle Sammy very rarely clicks on links because he is an enemy of the Internets, but he'll click on this one: Conservapedia! Yes, it's Wikipedia for rightwing nutjobs. Beyond bizarre.

Superboy says ‘Know Your Country!’ Kids hate Scandinavian Sigrid because she eats kottbuller! (It's köttbullar, idiots!)

YouTube: Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue Part One - animated drug prevention television special introduced by George Bush Sr. (There's some further info on Wikipedia but sadly not on Conservapedia.)

Just sad: I love you, failed viral marketing campaign for Beth Cooper!

Michael Jackson Public Domain Countdown (also): Only 70 years and 141 days to go! Obviously copyright laws are completely sane and don't need to be reformed at all.

Currently Reading #16: Soon

Fun #21: Top Ten Superheroes

1. Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends
They dance and have fun together. Wait, those are not your friends, Spider-Man! Don't you recognize Dr Ock and that green fellow from the movies? WATCH OUT!

2. Noel Gallagher
Noel was good back when he was grey but when he turned green he and his stupid band started sucking. That fucker!

3. My Little Martian Manhunter

4. My Little Green Lantern

Exactly the same as the manhunter (shown above) (in #3) except this one is a lantern!

5. The League of Batmans

One Batman is good, but 4 Batmen are unbeatable! 5 is even better. Therefore, they are #5 on this list. WATCH OUT!

6. Buttercup

Seen here with her skeleton outside and inside her body. Buttercup could be on the Cartoon Girls I Wanna Nail list but that would be creepy and disgusting because she is clearly portrayed as pre-pubescent.

7. Dr Stwange

Here he is in his civilian identity. That fucker!

8. McFarlane Toys' Cornboy

He is trying to get into Sporty Spice's pants. Korean Hunk wonders who the sexiest spice girl was. (He's voting for Baby Spice.) Error message here.

9. Wonder Woman

Not so wondrous here with AIDS, is she? No, AIDS is not fun. Not a laughing matter. Makes you think.




10. (TIE) Galactus and Dr Doom

Protecting the ears of America! I remember how Doom (AKA Dr Door) stole Galactus' energy and whatnot in Secret Wars. Which was an awesome, awesome comic book. I am old and I suck.

Those are the top ten superheroes in America today and for all time. Please note that Pepe le Moko was trying to worm his way into this perfect post while I wrote it and he almost managed because he contributed some GREAT words (mostly "That fucker"). Thank you, Pepe!!

You Forgot Raping

And "wrecking" doesn't begin with an R, you stupid moron. Down with Superboy!

Superman Comics of the Sixties: 'Jungle' Jimmy Olsen Marries 'Female King Kong'

Yeah. Did you know that the Superman comics of the 1960s features extremely wacky - and totally awesome - covers? (The stories inside are bizarre as well, but during this era DC apparently used to create the cover first, then use it as a springboard for the story, so the cover was in a sense the original "story".) Particularly disturbed are the covers for the spinoff books Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen and Superman's Bitch, Lois Lane. They always seem to pose a lot of questions, many of which aren't satisfactorily answered in the story.

Let's examine the Bad Craziness. This time we'll limit our investigation to Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen #98 (published in December, 1966), pictured above.

Okay, first of all, how did Superman become a licensed witch doctor? Don't you have to study several years for that? Was this tale preceded by a few years worth of stories featuring Superman taking a break from crime fighting (or whatever it is he does) to go back to school? (No, probably not, because back then the kids wouldn't have sat still for it. Which is a shame.)

Secondly, Jimmy is wearing some kind of toga and he says "this joke has gone far enough", strongly suggesting that he either was into it at some point, or pretended to go along with the idea of marrying the "female King Kong", only to now back down. Maybe Superman is calling Jimmy's bluff? Could this actually be some kind of bachelor party? Then again, the chick to the left in the picture is probably Jimmy's (human) girlfriend, and she being there is against the rules. Also, doesn't Jimmy have any other friends than Supes (and Ms Kong)? What about Clark Kent? Shouldn't he be here?

Thirdly, is the apelike creature aware of what's going on? Does she really want to marry Jimmy, or just mate with him? Did she herself put on that veil? She appears to be nude. Does she have an anatomy similar to human females, and if so, is this cover really in accordance with the Comics Code (notice the seal in the upper right corner)?

Fourthly, assuming Superman is licensed to marry people and this is a real wedding, what kind of wedding ceremony is he performing? This is obviously not a traditional Christian wedding, as Jimmy says he doesn't want to be married and Supes still goes ahead with it (in Christian weddings, it's custom for both bride and groom to say "I do" before the witch doctor pronounces them man and wife). Also, you'll notice that, as of this cover, Jimmy and the gorilla (or whatever) are in fact legally married, so any further bitching from Jimmy's side is quite useless. Unless DC Comics are misleading their readers with the cover. But they wouldn't do that, would they?

There are tons of things to say about this cover and I've only scraped the surface. However, lest you think that Bad Craziness is absent from modern comic books, a recent hit from DC Comics, Identity Crisis, apparently features rape, murder, brainwash, and even a superhero physically walking around in someone's brain, leaving footprints. The comic is, at least nominally, aimed at children. I haven't read it (and don't plan to), but the poorly drawn covers makes it look extremely fucking boring, even for stupid little kids.

So take Superblog!!'s advice - if you want to subject your children (or yourself) to Bad Craziness, seek out the 60s variety, not the modern kind.

By the way, I just noticed that "Superman's Pal" is an anagram for "Sperm, Anus Pal". Is that a coincidence?