Friday, December 31, 2004

2004 was the Suckiest Year That Ever Sucked

As we do every New Year's Eve on Superblog!!, it's time to announce our picks (well, mine) for this year's SUPERBLOG!! AWARDS! Let's get going.

News Story of the Year: CNN stupidly picked the election of George Bush Junior, little realizing that an enormous fucking catastophe was just around the corner.

And if TIME could pick the entire planet and the computer as Persons of the Year, surely there's only one "person" who should have had the honor this year...?

Victor of the Year: Viktor Yushchenko - cooler than ever.

Tricky Vic is also the subject of quite possibly the Nastiest Joke of the Year.

Loser of the Year: Much as it pains me to admit... it's JFK.

As TIME says, He had the hair, the height and a war hero's gravitas. But maybe he wasn't enough of a corrupt, ignorant, born-again nutjob to lead America in the 21st century. (That last sentence was me, not TIME.)

Speaking of corrupt ignoramuses, here's my pick for Dead Guy of the Year.

Everybody knew he was a dumbass. Ronald Reagan was famous for not understanding how government works and not particularly caring about it. His job was to read speeches off the Teleprompter, shake hands with foreign dignitaries, pose for pictures, and maybe go out and visit a flag factory or a steel mill every once in a while.

Runners-up: Rarely have so many been so glad to see a Nobel Peace Prize Laureate go. Among people who will actually be missed, we have Rodney and Superman.

Movie of the Year: Sadly, almost every motion picture released in 2004 was crap. If I had to pick one movie as the Least Crappy, I'd say The Passion of the Christ, because it made me laugh. (Web Movie of the Year: Stolen Honor. For similar reasons.)

Bah, I grow bored with this list. Let's round it off with something apolitical.

Horse of the Year!


Congratulations to you all! Winners will be notified by e-mail and can pick up their awards at Trädgårdstorget in Linköping, Sweden tonight at midnight, local time.

But before we go... guess who were named People of the Year by ABC News? We were! That is, Koala, Sammy, our Blogspot brethren, Glenn Reynolds, Markos Moulitsas Zúniga, and all those other people with too much time on their hands.

Thank you for reading and remember to drink yourself stupid tonight. It's what Jesus would have wanted.

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