Thursday, July 21, 2005

Girls! Go Bike Riding With A Crazy Person!



You know what's so great about the Internet? Well, free porn for one thing. And tons of music and movies available for illegal downloading. But also, and perhaps most importantly, it's made it possible for the sane and the insane to communicate with each other on an equal footing. Case in point: the Scariest Messageboard Meltdown Ever (courtesy of a thread on the Comics Journal messageboard).

Here we meet a gentleman who's looking for a "cycling companion":

Be everything as it may, this transcontinental, international cyclotouriste is navigating to locate a good companion for an extended bicycling tour. Good is defined as---female, healthy, cyclist, with a sense of bold adventure, and the willingness to be compatable on an extended world tour with yours truly.
Starting time is---not any time soon.
Route is---to be decided by those on tour---you and me.
Length of time is---to be decided.
I be fifty-three, healthy, six feet, 180 pounds, good looking but nothing to get all up in the air about, blond receding hair, green eyes, university grad., writer, teacher. Can work in exotic locations and have done so, easy to get along with, adventurous, survivor, world traveler.
The initial reactions are perhaps not quite what he'd expected, prompting him to respond somewhat belligerently (Superblog!! Patented Family Warning: If you're offended by the word "fuck", please skip it):

Fuck you cowardly son of a whore. You people are the abusive ones and I AM RESPONDING APPROPRIATELY. FUCK YOU.
I dare you to come to me and interfere with what I am doing face to face. Fuck you you goddamn poltroon, yellow bellied son of a whore.
FUCK YOU. DELETE MY POST YOU FUCKING COWARDS
Et cetera. Thank God he's "easy to get along with". But it soon gets even weirder:

And you just remember this too you bastard. I am the guy who found out in detail about the plans to attack the WTC, the pentagon, and the US Capitol on or around 9-11-01. I have a book in the making right now, and part of it is on the internet. You read it and you will see that I kept those attack plans under my hat because I know about no good bastards like you and how you permeate American society.
I can't summarize this in an adequate manner. You need to go check the thread for yourself. (By the way, the same guy recently resurfaced, now posting as "Berry" on the Teenage Fanclub board.)

God bless the Internet. And chicks... don't forget to contact this guy about the bike ride. I think it could be exciting.

6 comments:

Sara said...

Bike sex is hot.

Oh, wait? He didn't mean a motorcycle, did he?

That guy is a loser.

katiedid said...

Yeesh. That is truly bat-shit crazy. However, thanks to 'cyclotouriste' my phrase of the day is "Chickenshit Poltroons."

Koala Mentala said...

Yeah, but are you going to travel with him or not? I would, except I'm a guy. And I don't own a bike.

cyclotouriste Berry said...

Fuck you koala mentala, you cowardly son of a whore.

I dare you to come to me and interfere with what I am doing face to face. Fuck you you goddamn poltroon, yellow bellied son of a whore.



Dearest Sara,
You think bike sex is hot, yes? Where do you live my dear?


Darling Katiedid,
You like my expressions, yes? I have been extensively educated you see but I also have a natural gift for speaking my mind.

I'm Patrick!! said...

Holy shit fuck I said fuck.
Talk about wacko bananas. I loved cyclotourist is this picture. The directing was a little dry, but talk about award-winning performance. Cape Fear meets Lance Armstrong...

Koala Mentala said...

Cape Fear meets Lance Armstrong...

Brilliant.