Saturday is Water Torture Day

Oh, pardon me, Mr. "Let's ration everything", but what d'you think we're floating on? Don't you know the poem? "Water, water, everywhere, so let's all have a drink."

- Homer Simpson (not Samuel Taylor Coleridge)

Saturday is lördag in Swedish and was named for washing up. The lör part is originally from the Proto-Germanic word Laugr which means water or water torture. In English the day was named for the planet Saturn which was itself named for the video game consule. Just kidding (HA!), it was actually named for the Roman god of agriculture and harvest and justice and strength. Saturn was pretty much the Supreme Ruler of the Omniverse but he was also a bit of an asshole (which maybe goes hand in hand). He castrated his father Caelus and ate his own children to prevent them from fucking with him (although Jupiter survived, and did indeed fuck with him later on. So one might argue that Saturn was right to try and eat his kids). Incidentally, in Babylon he was called Ninib. Incidentally again, Saturnalia is feast and also a dinosaur.

According to ISO 8601, Saturday is the sixth day of the week, although some contrary Jews and Christians refuse to follow the standard. Throw them to the Lions!

Friday is Fenris Day

What. No. It's Freja's Day or Frigg's Day. But for me it will always be the day of the incestuous brother-and-sister team Fenris, AKA Andreas and Andrea von Strucker, because they were in X-Men comics when I was a small, impressionable child, and so I always think about them on Fridays. What. No. I haven't thought about them since probably the 1980s or something, when I read the actual comics. (During this period X-Men was written by Chris Claremont and drawn by John Romita, Jr.) They have nothing to do with Fridays. Looking at that picture now it seems to me that Andrea is hot (in an '80s kind of way) whereas Andreas is totally gay. They're white supremacists, though, so they both have ugly souls! (Nevertheless, I would totally do her. What. No.)

I assume the team is named for the mythological (?) (!!!) wolf who bit off the hand of Tyr. But that's a bit stupid because Why The Face do they have to do with him? Except maybe that their dad is Baron Wolfgang von Strucker. Get it? Wolf? It's a bit labored, but that's the only connection I can see. I'm probably missing something.

Wolfgang is, of course, a name common to white supremacists. Other prominent Wolfgangs include Wolfgang Pauli and Oz's Wolfgang Cutler, the Man with the Spoon. If I were a character on Oz, I would be Tim McManus. We don't look alike but we're both idealists and losers and fictional.

Thursday is Thor's Day

Some asshole may have previously told you that Thursday is Thirst Day but he or she was either misinformed or willfully spreading malicious untruths. Thursday is the fourth day of the week (some say third) and is universally recognized as the day to eat ärtsoppa AKA pea soup. (Not to be confused with pee soup, which is consumed exclusively during a weekend of drunken weirdness.)

Thor has a fuckload of names.

Hey! Meet Bo, the First Dog. What. That's a wrong link for this post.

UPDATE at the same time as the rest so not really an update at all. I found a proper picture of proper Thor. Here he is with his friends Bill Bixby and the Hulk:

Wednesday is Odin's Day

It is, you could look it up. Today is the day of Odin Quincannon, the malicious meat magnate of Salvation, Texas. He sure liked his meat, that guy. Although the day wasn't actually named for him but for another guy called Odin (or Oden or Woden or Óðinn or Wotan). Here's a biography of the proper Odin. You know, Odin, the living omnipotence:

Kirby's Odin is a bit '60s, as opposed to Quincannon, who is a very 90s kind of guy. But Odin fucking lives, bitches! (And Asgard dies.) Odin is also a Swedish satellite.

And now you know... the rest of the story.

Tuesday is Tyr's Day

Surely you've heard of Tyr, the Norse god who gave his right hand to Fenrir, the Great Wolf. Tuesday is, quite literally, Tyr's Day in some languages, including Swedish (tisdag).

Tyr is destined to kill and be killed by Garm, the guard dog of Hel. It'll be awesome.

God-Election

I happened to mention in conversation yesterday that there is a GOD-ELECTION coming up in Sweden and I thought I would follow up with a short blog post about this phenomenon. Firstly: to all doubting Thomases: yes, it's true. We Swedes will have the opportunity to vote for our own God. I am voting for Gozer Gozerian AKA Volguus Zildrohar. He deserves my vote. If the Lord of the Sebouillia can't bring light into this era of darkness, who can? Believe in Gozer the Traveler!

(In reality I am not going to vote at all because I don't believe in any, let alone the, God. But I'm still a member of the state church because it is part of my cultural heritage and also because I don't want to miss out on that fat check when the priests decide to sell off all the church's assets to finance their cocaine-fueled altar boy abuse orgies. Or CFABAO for short. p.s. Say no to rape!)

Happy Birthday, Justus Jonas!

Justus Jonas was a German Protestant reformer. But he was a totally dishonest charlatan as well because his real name was Jodokus (Jobst) Koch! Just by looking at him you can tell what sort of SWINE he surely was. It amuses be to think that he's looking down at us from Heaven today, a thousand year or so after he died from dyphteria, and seeing how much attention he's getting on the Internets. Could Jonas have predicted the Internets, what with his precognitive powers, and his close relationship with God and all? Modern scientists agree: Yes.

SUPERBLOG!! would like to wish Justus AKA Jodokus AKA The Butcher of Wittenberg a happy, happy birthday. (Also Chuck Klosterman, who, Spidercrazy informs me, looks like a beaver.)

And Happy Deathday, Ronald Reagan! Hope you're drinking tea with Maggie Thatcher in Hell! (Also Dee Dee Ramone. Not drinking tea in Hell, just happy deathday.)

"But It's May Day *Today*!"

Oh. Wait. It isn't. Not any more. But I wish it was. I wish it were. I wish every day could be like May Day.

The line quoted above is not said in a whiny voice in the classic British horror film The Wicker Man (1973), but it should have been. Aside from this minor failure, The Wicker Man is the best movie ever made about May Day. It has it all:


Religion.


Violence.


Tits.

Some Internet

Why does this girl seem so content while inspecting the shadow of her bullet-ridden body? Doesn't she realize she must be very close to death? (Little Dot's uncle is famous Batman villain Mr. Polka-Dot.)

YouTube: Check out the music video for Weezer's song "Pork and Beans", featuring all your favorite YouTube stars and memes. Barenaked Ladies did pretty much the same thing in 2006 with their video for "Sound of Your Voice".

Jack Chick's "Lisa": Did you know child abuse can be forgiven within minutes? Thank God for Jesus.

Another comic: How to behave during a job interview. I've tried it and it works pretty good.

The Doomsday argument: Humanity is halfway gone, says Science. So there's no reason to brush your teeth anymore.

There should be more links here but I misplaced the rest.

"Did You Accept Jesus Christ As Your Own Personal Savior?"

Because if you haven't, you're definitely fucked. You didn't think it was enough to just follow the Ten Commandments and believe in the Golden Rule, did you? The above is Rodney & Syd's movie adaptation of the Jack Chick's "Somebody Goofed". Here's the original Chick Tract (also available in a slightly less animated YouTube version) and you should maybe also check out "Oops!", a remake aimed at a blacker audience than the original. (Comics critic Jog reviews and compares the two tracts.)

Related SUPERBLOG!! posts:
Galactus is Coming! (March 01, 2008)
Gays are Trying to Ruin Our Kids (February 26, 2005)

KoalaCam #25: False Prophet Billy Graham

This thoroughly excellent photograph was taken at 20.29 (that's 8pm for some) on the 14th of July, 2007. It's of a toilet wall in Scotland, I think.

Maybe Sammy has a better photo of the same wall*. If so, I DARE HIM to post it.

*Yes, we always pee together.

I Will Send You Snakes!

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[Jeremiah 8:17]