Saturday is Water Torture Day

Oh, pardon me, Mr. "Let's ration everything", but what d'you think we're floating on? Don't you know the poem? "Water, water, everywhere, so let's all have a drink."

- Homer Simpson (not Samuel Taylor Coleridge)

Saturday is lördag in Swedish and was named for washing up. The lör part is originally from the Proto-Germanic word Laugr which means water or water torture. In English the day was named for the planet Saturn which was itself named for the video game consule. Just kidding (HA!), it was actually named for the Roman god of agriculture and harvest and justice and strength. Saturn was pretty much the Supreme Ruler of the Omniverse but he was also a bit of an asshole (which maybe goes hand in hand). He castrated his father Caelus and ate his own children to prevent them from fucking with him (although Jupiter survived, and did indeed fuck with him later on. So one might argue that Saturn was right to try and eat his kids). Incidentally, in Babylon he was called Ninib. Incidentally again, Saturnalia is feast and also a dinosaur.

According to ISO 8601, Saturday is the sixth day of the week, although some contrary Jews and Christians refuse to follow the standard. Throw them to the Lions!

Friday is Fenris Day

What. No. It's Freja's Day or Frigg's Day. But for me it will always be the day of the incestuous brother-and-sister team Fenris, AKA Andreas and Andrea von Strucker, because they were in X-Men comics when I was a small, impressionable child, and so I always think about them on Fridays. What. No. I haven't thought about them since probably the 1980s or something, when I read the actual comics. (During this period X-Men was written by Chris Claremont and drawn by John Romita, Jr.) They have nothing to do with Fridays. Looking at that picture now it seems to me that Andrea is hot (in an '80s kind of way) whereas Andreas is totally gay. They're white supremacists, though, so they both have ugly souls! (Nevertheless, I would totally do her. What. No.)

I assume the team is named for the mythological (?) (!!!) wolf who bit off the hand of Tyr. But that's a bit stupid because Why The Face do they have to do with him? Except maybe that their dad is Baron Wolfgang von Strucker. Get it? Wolf? It's a bit labored, but that's the only connection I can see. I'm probably missing something.

Wolfgang is, of course, a name common to white supremacists. Other prominent Wolfgangs include Wolfgang Pauli and Oz's Wolfgang Cutler, the Man with the Spoon. If I were a character on Oz, I would be Tim McManus. We don't look alike but we're both idealists and losers and fictional.

Thursday is Thor's Day

Some asshole may have previously told you that Thursday is Thirst Day but he or she was either misinformed or willfully spreading malicious untruths. Thursday is the fourth day of the week (some say third) and is universally recognized as the day to eat ärtsoppa AKA pea soup. (Not to be confused with pee soup, which is consumed exclusively during a weekend of drunken weirdness.)

Thor has a fuckload of names.

Hey! Meet Bo, the First Dog. What. That's a wrong link for this post.

UPDATE at the same time as the rest so not really an update at all. I found a proper picture of proper Thor. Here he is with his friends Bill Bixby and the Hulk:

Wednesday is Odin's Day

It is, you could look it up. Today is the day of Odin Quincannon, the malicious meat magnate of Salvation, Texas. He sure liked his meat, that guy. Although the day wasn't actually named for him but for another guy called Odin (or Oden or Woden or Óðinn or Wotan). Here's a biography of the proper Odin. You know, Odin, the living omnipotence:

Kirby's Odin is a bit '60s, as opposed to Quincannon, who is a very 90s kind of guy. But Odin fucking lives, bitches! (And Asgard dies.) Odin is also a Swedish satellite.

And now you know... the rest of the story.

Tuesday is Tyr's Day

Surely you've heard of Tyr, the Norse god who gave his right hand to Fenrir, the Great Wolf. Tuesday is, quite literally, Tyr's Day in some languages, including Swedish (tisdag).

Tyr is destined to kill and be killed by Garm, the guard dog of Hel. It'll be awesome.

Monday is Moon Day

If Sammy knew how to label his posts properly, clicking on the word moons would take you to a photo of an evil moon and a realistic plan for world peace. But he doesn't, so it doesn't, so I have to link to them manually. That works too, but it takes a lot of time, and I am a very busy man. But it has to be done, so I do it, totally without complaining. I am like Jesus, only much better - because I am real.

Real like the moon.