Sunday, January 08, 2006

Thoughts on My Watery Death

anka

This morning I decided to start my day with a refreshing bath. Immersed in water, I suddenly thought, hey, if I just stayed in this tub until I died, how long would it take for someone to find my rotting corpse? I figured about a week.

Of course, that's not a very realistic scenario. I was surrounded by over 200 liters of water and over the coming days I would clearly be overcome with thirst at some point and unable to resist drinking from it. And that means it could take several weeks to die, possibly more. Thus, I would most likely fail.

Besides, it would be an incredibly boring and prolonged suicide attempt. The highlights of the coming days would be seeing the mail arrive in the morning (the bathroom door was open), and hearing the telephone ring occasionally. And the cell phone until the battery ran down. I had left the TV on in the living room, but on too low volume to hear from the bathroom. I was comfortable for the moment, but soon the water would cool. Was it cheating if I replaced the water once in a while? I thought I'd be okay if I just had to lie in cold water, but I had at least two other problems to contend with: Urine. Feces. Obviously I hadn't thought this through. It would be stupid to try and kill oneself in such a manner.

No, a more active suicide is in order.

Now: Breakfast.

15 comments:

Moocko said...

Just stop thinking about suicide attempts! Do you REALIZE how much all your online friends would miss you?!

Goo said...

is this a cry for help koala? or just a prime example of your morbid sense of humor? imagining you bored in the bathtub waiting to die with little floating poos around you did make me chuckle though.

if i were you, i would try taking a handful of narcotics first. that would easily knock a day or three off the total time it takes to die. hey! maybe you would even pass out and drownd first. now THAT'S funny............................ ................ not.

Koala Mentala said...

Of course it's a cry for help. Most of my writing on SUPERBLOG!! is.

Afe said...

You might as well die doing something cool. Like promoting SUPERBLOG!! by committing suicide on national television.

Åñèè§å said...

omg lol...how long did it take you to think about all that??? lol

Koala Mentala said...

It couldn't have taken me very many hours because I did it before breakfast.

Afe, do you realize there was a teen couple who killed themselves a few weeks back on a railway track just outside my hometown after being encouraged to do so on an Internet forum and now the people who encouraged them are under investigation by the Swedish police? No shit.

Goo said...

great. now we'll all be investigated if km drowns himself in poo water.

disclaimer: my above entries are, in no way, an encouragement for km to harm himself in any manner and i hereby clear myself of any legal liabilty if he does something stupid.

there!! i'm positive blog posts are considered legal and binding documents. all i need is a witness...

*sings in my best gangsta rapper voice* can i git a whu whu witness??

Goo said...

oh, and i should add: koala please don't kill yourself, or be sad either... it's making it very hard for me to tease you as i usually do. no one wants me to have to be nice, believe me.

Uncle Sammy said...

Plz Koala, give me the keys to SUPERBLOG!! before you kill yourself. When you're dead I will change the name to SUPPERBLOG!? and it will be all about recipes and snacks. (I'll also take my sweet time to mock your memory.)

Matthew said...

Oh man, have you ever seen a corpse that's all blue and bloated from being in water? It's disgusting. The human body is mostly water isn't it? So it's just like a sponge that swells up and eventally falls apart. You don't want that do you?

Go out dignified, like say, eating hotdogs until your stomach explodes.

Koala Mentala said...

Tease away, Goo. I may be slightly unbalanced but it's not like a few people being mean to me over the Internet is gonna push me over the edge. Or is it?

Matthew's hotdog idea is enticing, except that the ingredients of hotdogs are even more disgusting than swimming in poo and piss. We're talking minced pig genitals and eyeballs, people.

Koala Mentala said...

And just to be clear: I will NOT drown myself in poo water.

But it's nice to talk about it, so it doesn't come as such a surprise for people if I suddenly DO get the urge.

I... Shit!... Fucking... fuck...

Moocko said...

A true Koala DRINKS his poo water, together with his meal of fresh poo sausages.

The Stalker said...

Superblah still has it! Your ability to entertain the world wide web will be gone if you kill yourself but then again like any rockstar you will raise to even greater stardom aftre your demise. Not that I am promoting that and in no way would I beccause reading superblah post by the great KM brings such joy to my life so please stay focus on the superblog's mission - to promote stupid fun for stupid peopele. Live long and prosper In the voice of Mr. Spock

Smart Mouth said...

Pooh water smells like pooh.