This morning I decided to start my day with a refreshing bath. Immersed in water, I suddenly thought, hey, if I just stayed in this tub until I died, how long would it take for someone to find my rotting corpse? I figured about a week.
Of course, that's not a very realistic scenario. I was surrounded by over 200 liters of water and over the coming days I would clearly be overcome with thirst at some point and unable to resist drinking from it. And that means it could take several weeks to die, possibly more. Thus, I would most likely fail.
Besides, it would be an incredibly boring and prolonged suicide attempt. The highlights of the coming days would be seeing the mail arrive in the morning (the bathroom door was open), and hearing the telephone ring occasionally. And the cell phone until the battery ran down. I had left the TV on in the living room, but on too low volume to hear from the bathroom. I was comfortable for the moment, but soon the water would cool. Was it cheating if I replaced the water once in a while? I thought I'd be okay if I just had to lie in cold water, but I had at least two other problems to contend with: Urine. Feces. Obviously I hadn't thought this through. It would be stupid to try and kill oneself in such a manner.
No, a more active suicide is in order.
Now: Breakfast.
11 comments:
Just stop thinking about suicide attempts! Do you REALIZE how much all your online friends would miss you?!
Of course it's a cry for help. Most of my writing on SUPERBLOG!! is.
You might as well die doing something cool. Like promoting SUPERBLOG!! by committing suicide on national television.
omg lol...how long did it take you to think about all that??? lol
It couldn't have taken me very many hours because I did it before breakfast.
Afe, do you realize there was a teen couple who killed themselves a few weeks back on a railway track just outside my hometown after being encouraged to do so on an Internet forum and now the people who encouraged them are under investigation by the Swedish police? No shit.
Plz Koala, give me the keys to SUPERBLOG!! before you kill yourself. When you're dead I will change the name to SUPPERBLOG!? and it will be all about recipes and snacks. (I'll also take my sweet time to mock your memory.)
Oh man, have you ever seen a corpse that's all blue and bloated from being in water? It's disgusting. The human body is mostly water isn't it? So it's just like a sponge that swells up and eventally falls apart. You don't want that do you?
Go out dignified, like say, eating hotdogs until your stomach explodes.
Tease away, Goo. I may be slightly unbalanced but it's not like a few people being mean to me over the Internet is gonna push me over the edge. Or is it?
Matthew's hotdog idea is enticing, except that the ingredients of hotdogs are even more disgusting than swimming in poo and piss. We're talking minced pig genitals and eyeballs, people.
A true Koala DRINKS his poo water, together with his meal of fresh poo sausages.
Superblah still has it! Your ability to entertain the world wide web will be gone if you kill yourself but then again like any rockstar you will raise to even greater stardom aftre your demise. Not that I am promoting that and in no way would I beccause reading superblah post by the great KM brings such joy to my life so please stay focus on the superblog's mission - to promote stupid fun for stupid peopele. Live long and prosper In the voice of Mr. Spock
Pooh water smells like pooh.
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