Monday, November 07, 2005

What! The! Fuck!

Jessica Simpson Sexy Sex Hot Boobs Breasts Naked Nude Et Cetera

I had an extremely interesting blog post prepared, but my dog ate it. Or maybe I decided it was too good for the likes of you, who can tell? So instead I'll just reproduce Jessica Simpson's latest blog entry (with her permission, of course):

hello you guys:
my life is soooo crazy. I am sorry that it has been so long since i have had a chance to touch base with you guys. these camera guys just won't leave me alone!! how are you guys doing? i can not thank you enough for all your support and belief. it looked like we were in trouble for a second. your prayers worked.... i have been so blessed. i thank god everyday that i have you guys on my team. looks like the single will go top ten next week. our record sales were higher last week by 20% than in august when we released the record. i'm recording the next single "take my breath away" . that was the theme song from "top gun". it was also the song that was playing the first time nick kissed me..... nick and i are going to make the world premeire on oprah winfrey february 13th. make sure and watch.....
our next season of newlyweds starts january 21st. it is going to be as funny as last season. you know me, i am always saying something crazy. the show is going to start with our first wedding aniversary... don't miss it.

oh yeah, saturday the 17th, nick and i are hosting saturday night live. now that is going to be crazy. maybe i'll get even with justin timberlake... oh well, again i want you to know how much i love you all. keep me in your prayers.

love, jess

That could have been the end, but I also want to take this opportunity to publish a masterful haiku, written by my friend and co-blogger Uncle Sammy:

booby boobs penis jessica
hot sexy stuff fisting
fucky dollars
anal fucking donkey horse dog
desperate housewives

I am blinking away tears right now. I promise you I am.


President Preston said...

That's the most beautiful thing I've ever read...

Mr. John Steed said...

Well, she's great. One of the biggest philosophers of our decade. Definetely.

Matthew said...

Man, what's with that picture? Did someone goose her or something? OR does she see SUPERBLOG!! approaching over the horizon, killing every living thing in its path?

President Preston said...


The reason she's looking like that is because sammy and koala are double teaming her from behind.

Moocko said...

That's one scary motherfuckin' face(Simpson). Someone should piss on it.

Goo said...

isn't haiku poetry usually three lines? here are some examples of proper haiku.

pouty lips devour
chicken of the sea
sammy masturbates


sick Koala
cramps his colon
birth of a post

Smart Mouth said...

Haiku is three lines, 5 7 5 syllables.

girl with plastic face
do not blow dry your blond coiff
your face might melt off

koala (away) said...

the bane of our blog:
uneducated readers
jokes wasted on you

i know poetry
i know all there is to know
too smart for this world

Smart Mouth said...

My lust grows deeper
Smartass heats my bored, dulled loins
Brainiac be warned

Consider it my marriage proposal...

Koala Mentala said...

story of my life:
swimming in pussy online
otherwise unloved

Goo said...

his life sounds so lame
koala's only option:
girls at

Sara said...

You're breeding a whole different kind of word geek here.

Koala Mentala said...

you're probably right
um, was that five syllables?
and was that seven?