Dial K For Kraziness!

Surprise! This isn't one of my crazier blog entries at all, I've just been itching for a way to use that title somewhere. In lieu of tomfoolery, I present you with two fables:

FABLE NUMERO UNO: The Rooster and the Owl
There once was a man called Uncle Sammy. But Sammy wasn't his real name (just like my real name isn't Koala), and he was nobody's uncle (which I am, though). Anyway, he lived in a house in the country. He was a blogger. But! He had a lot of other responsibilites as well: providing for his family, studying, taking care of his garden, watching pirated DVDs, goofing off, etc. To confound matters, he was a lazy son of a witch. So when Summer came, he virtually quit blogging altogether. The horror! But! Then he travelled to the Far North, and promised to resume blogging. But! Then his Internet connection died! And now he's lost on a mountain somewhere. Let's spit on him if he ever gets back! (Yeah, I know he popped up but I'm posting this anyway. And I was right about the mountain!)

FABLE NUMERO DOS: The Hungry Wolf
Many years ago, there was a woman called Goo. (That wasn't her real name either.) She had a blog which bore the proud name Soulfukt (pronounced "Sole-fucked"). But! One day, a nasty dog barked at her in the street, and Goo had a feminine crisis. Or possibly something else happened - I'm not privy to all the details. Anyway, she immediately deleted her blog and disappeared off the face of the Earth. Maybe she became an astronaut! But! In her absence, I revived the blog, and invited my best friends Matthew and Afe/Agfe to join. And now, three months later, Soulfukt is one of the ten most-read blogs on the Internet!

And the moral of these two fables is, by a happy happenstance, exactly the same as my personal motto:

When it itches, scratch.

Posting Pictures Is Fucking EASY

Hi there! It's me! Uncle! I'm in Are !!!! It's raining!!! They have a festival here called the Mayhemfestival!!!

MAYHEM FESTIVAL is the largest freeride mountain bike event in northern Europe. Located in Sweden, Åre is ledgenday as a top mountain biking destination, and currently has over 35km of bike trails.

But what do I care. I don't like mountain bikes or their owners.

Blogger STILL Sucks Satan's Cock in Hell

I really should add this to "Our Most Beloved Posts". I don't really know if it's a favorite among SUPERBLOG!! readers (probably not), but I like it. At least the title. Which is the same as this entry's title, minus the "STILL". So I just saved you a click! Be thankful when you're old and feeble and NOT suffering from Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, thanks to me.

Anyway. That old post is as relevant today as it was ten years ago, or however long it is since I posted it. (Oh, April 4, 2005. Time not flies.) I've been trying to post a picture SIXTY MILLION times this evening, and it never works. And it's been that way EIGHTY DAYS IN A ROW.

And I just REFUSE to blog without pictures.

Fun Links for EVERYONE!

Let the LINK EXTRAVAGANZA BEGIN!


The Amazing Screw-On Head! Cartoon pilot! Kind of fun!

But that's not the only link in this blog entry! No sirree!


Taking the Hobbits to Isengard! Supremely annoying Lord of the Rings viral video remix thingie! (Really, I hate Internet Shit. And there's something so sad about this.)

But wait! There's more links!!

News 14 Carolina gets pwnt!

And still more!!

Gayness!

When will the linking madness end?! Certainly not now!


Saddam and Osama! Olsen twins! East Dakota! The Jew! The Other Jew!

MORE LINK!!!


Watching all six Star Wars movies simultaneously! Sheer Brilliance! No, wait, it's just scary. But as much as I hate Star Wars, I can't but feel this is the one true way to watch those films.

Let the LINK EXTRAVAGANZA END!

Koala's Summer Vacation, Weeks 2-4

You know, I fully intended to keep doing this for each week of my vacation, but it didn't happen because I've been a zillion billion miles from a functioning computer.

Anyways, today was a very sad day because my vacation is over so I had to go back to work. Well, I didn't have to, but it seemed like a good idea because this blog brings in WAY too little cash! What's the matter with you people? You're supposed to DONATE MONEY! Send me a million dollars right away or I will rip out your eyes and feed them to my pet gerbil. APRIL FOOLS! I don't have a gerbil. So I'll have to eat them myself. And your eyes probably taste YUCKY. Who needs that?

Anyways, here's what I did during weeks 2 thru 4 of my stupid vacation: Was in Linköping and Västervik and Stockholm and probably elsewhere (can't remember). Also in Falun, where I live. Visited friends and drank beer and watched football and read comic books and a few real books with just words in them. Drank more beer. Had a dream in which a baby goat was trying to eat my fingers. (Can anyone tell me what it means? Some suggestions.) Watched a trillion DVDs. Went shopping. Drank beer. Visited a mine! Etc.

Anyways. This has been an extremely hot summer so far but my research shows that it was hot last year too. My research also indicates that more than 98% of SUPERBLOG!!'s visitors gave up on this blog entry before making it this far in the text so congratulations to YOU on being SUPER SPECIAL!

Photo #99: Pig Eating Frog

I attended music evening yesterday. You drink alcohol and play music. When the pig looks at you it's time to face the music.
Very good pig and now you watch Hitler.

The Runner-Up!

Shit, I did this in the wrong order. Should have posted this one before the winner. Anyway, the winner of the contest, Señor Jonzig, will receive a Super Special Prize still to be determined. The runner-up, the currently blogless Goo, will receive a metaphorical pat on the back. All other contestants will get spat on.

Oh, and this isn't really the "better" blog entry I promised yesterday but I'll get around to that eventually. OR MAYBE NOT. Who cares?

The Winner!

Hey, remember we had a contest awhile ago? Yeah, me neither. Anyway, this is the winning entry. Congratulations I guess.

Here is my new favorite film.

May the Lord protect you and preserve you.

I will blog better tomorrow.

What ???!!!

Lord of the Blogs: Return of the Koala

Hey kids! I'm still on vacation but now I'm BACK in Falun, the Town without Pity. I've been to all kinds of stupid places and wreaked HAVOC everywhere, but now I' think I'll stay put for awhile. There are SO many things I want to tell you but there's SO little time. So, for now, I'll just post the results of some stupid Internet tests. Maybe YOU can take them too, and post the results in the comments section!? Wouldn't that be FUN?!?

Are You Hot?

You Are Super Spicy

You're a little bit crazy, a little bit naughty, and a whole lot of sexy. You go beyond hot - you set people's senses on fire!

What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

You Are Tequilla

When you drink, you're serious about getting drunk! You'll take any shot that's offered up to you... Even if it tastes like sock sweat! And you're never afraid of eating the worm.

The Simpsons Personality Test

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader... Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

I Live in A rED hOUSE nOW !!

wHEN IT'S SUMMER IN sWEDEN WE ALL LIVE IN RED HOUSES AND WE ALSO FORGET TO PRESS cAPS lOCK . tHE CATS NAME IS NOW eLSA BECAUSE HE WAS A SHE.

kOALA IS GONE AND i THINK HE IS DRUNK IN sTOCKHOLM. iN RED HOUSES THERE BE NO INTERNET SO BYE BYE NOW FROM MY WHITE HOUSE WHERE THERE IS INTERNET BUT MUST GO BACK TO RED HOUSE NOW.

Photo #98: miav miauw meow miau miaou miau miaou miyau miau miau nyan nyan/nyaa nyaa miyau miau mjau mjau miyav meow

Met that cat a few days ago. His (?) name is Bengt or Lennart.

Fuck Everything

It's been hotter than HELL in Sweden the last few days so all our faces are melting and I thought it would be appropriate to post an image of that Nazi face-melting scene from the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark except I think I already did that last year and anyway I couldn't find an image I liked.

So I thought, as I am wont to do, "FUCK THAT and the horse it rode in on, I'll just post whatever the fuck and people will get curious and read it anyway." Because that is what makes SUPERBLOG!! so great, and it's also why we'll never ever make any money on this blog regardless of how long we keep writing it: We post whatever the fuck. (And also because Sammy is a lazy fuck.)

Oh, did I remember to say fuck? FUCK.

Fascist Vs Fascist!

And the right fascists won! Hooray! In general SUPERBLOG!! has nothing but contempt for Italians, but in this case we have to congratulate them on krushing the despicable Krauts!

Poor Germany. First they lose two world wars, and now this. When are they going to learn?

Koala's Summer Vacation, Week 1

Left Falun, went to Norrland, celebrated Midsummer and got drunk, attended a wedding the next day, got drunk at the party and made out with someone, accidentally spread popcorn all over the bride's parents' garden at dawn, watched football and climbed a mountain with the bride and groom, went home to Falun, watched football and drank chicken beer, watched Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow and more football, spent my birthday alone, watched 24 episodes of Lost and 1 episode of Deadwood and drank chicken beer, read Goodbye, Chunky Rice and Krazy & Ignatz: 1937-1938, watched V For Vendetta, left Falun and went to Linköping, got drunk with a friend in the country, watched football and Jarheads and I Kina spiser de hunde, got a knife as a present, spent the equivalent of several hundred bucks on a pile of comics and a sweater, belatedly celebrated both my father's and my own birthday, watched football and Howl's Moving Castle and got drunk with a friend in the city. Today: Decided to make a race of beast-men, with intelligence enough to conquer the world.