The Year of Watching DVDs, Part 23: Not Simpsons Good

I watched the entire IMDb top 250 list and now I'm watching everything else. All reviews so far.

The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Here's what I think, and you'll forgive me for being a bit incoherent because I've had a strange day - not in a very good way - and I'm tired and I'm hungry and I hate everybody in the Universe (including YOU) and you know how it is: The Simpsons Movie is good, but not as good, in fact, nowhere near as good as it rightfully should be. By which I mean: It's not Simpsons good.

Of course, The Simpsons itself (one could argue) hasn't been Simpsons good in about a decade. Speaking of which, pardon me while I interrupt this review with another review which I should have published in, I think, June, but never did:

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The Simpsons, Season 18 (22 episodes)
What happened to this show? It used to be better than everything in the world and now it's merely better than almost everything on TV. The problems, as I see it, are two:

1. Everything's been done. Sometimes twice. At this point, even new good episodes remind me of similar, better episodes from past seasons. I'm starting to feel it should have ended about ten years ago. Season 8 had several all-time great episodes that, taken together, seemed to wrap up the show. Remember "You Only Move Twice"? "Hurricane Neddy"? "El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer"? "The Old Man and the Lisa", which almost changed the status quo of the show. "In Marge We Trust" - with Mr Sparkle (video link)? And "Homer's Enemy", possibly the darkest episode ever, in which we get to see what it would really be like to have Homer as a co-worker. Plus, the penultimate episode of the season was "The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase", almost an epilogue. Artistically, it wouldn't have been a bad idea to have ended The Simpsons back then.
2. In the early 10th season, Phil Hartman was shot to death by his wife. Which meant, no more Troy McClure, no more Lionel Hutz, etc, etc.

So it stumbles along, year after year. Most episodes are good, very few are worse than okay. And sometimes it surprises with a truly excellent episode. But those get fewer and farther between with each season. Regretfully, I'll give this season three Michael Keatons:

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A couple of the episodes I mention above actually sprang to mind while I was watching the film. Albert Brooks' voice for the government guy reminds me of the far more interesting character Hank Scorpio. Homer's spiritual odyssey is not as good as the one with Johnny Cash. And it goes on and on. Homer's adoption of the pig is less funny than his relationship with Pinchy. Marge leaving seems like a weak copy of the "complete and utter dependence" episode. Jumping over a cliff with a bike is not as cool as jumping over a cliff with a skateboard.

But the weakest part of the movie was the inclusion of Arnold Schwarzenegger. What's wrong with Rainier Wolfcastle? And by the way, Maggie said her first word long ago. All in all, it was the Worst. Movie. Ever.

No, wait. I liked it just fine. But I didn't love it. And a Simpsons movie you can't love is a betrayal worse than when Judas ratted out Jebus. The producers should hang themselves in shame, and leave all their money to me.

Orson Welles' Proudest Moment

Carla Gugino's Breasts Cast in Watchmen

Exciting Carla Gugino Boob News! The Beat reports that the Hollywood Reporter reports that SUPERBLOG!!'s favorite actress will play Sally Jupiter AKA Silk Spectre in the wholly unnecessary film adaptation of Watchmen, the classic graphic novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons.

Incidentally, the daughter of Gugino's character will be played by Canadian supermodel Malin Akerman, who was born in Sweden, which is the same country that several members of the SUPERBLOG!! staff currently live in. What are the odds?

Insidiously, did you know that this SUPERBLOG!! post (about Carla Gugino's non-censored tits in the Sin City movie) is one of our all-time most popular posts? That one gets, like, five hits every year! Go figure.

Other sexy Carla Gugino posts can be found here, here, here, here and here, but not here, because that last link is about banned Swedish license plates. Yeah, I just wanted to end this fucking post on something stupid and random.

Photo #144: Hemp - The Destroyer of Lives and Marriages

Saw a beautiful field of hemp when I took the neighborhood crop tour . Vote Hemp is a site advocating to remove barriers to industrial hemp farming in the U.S.

Hemp has absolutely no use as a recreational drug.

..and that's why it's The Destroyer of Lives and Marriages.

I Draw Life

I don't feel like making Michael Keaton return today so here instead is something I drew. I call it "Life". Hope it makes you cry.

Stuff

Tomorrow Michael Keaton Returns to SUPERBLOG!!. Unless I change my mind. For now, here's a blog post which I'll label "slask".

SUPERBLOG!! Cartoon of the Day: A New Bunny. I can't remember if I ever linked to this so I'm doing it now again unless I never did in which case I'm doing it for the first time ever.

SUPERBLOG!! Site of the Day: Tommy Corn's blog. Ha ha! It's just Marky Mark in disguise.

SUPERBLOG!! Game of the Day: Eight letters in search of a word. Playing games is good.

SUPERBLOG!! Comic Strip of the Day: To be quilted by Mr Quilt! Teh horror!!

Speaking of comical booklets, Abhay is my favorite comics reviewer because he makes me think. Here he is with the SUPERBLOG!! Quote of the Day:

You can say "I just want something that entertains me" but does being entertained in this particular way make you smarter, faster, cooler, more popular, more successful? Bottom-line: if you had to kill a deer, right now, with your hands-- could you snap a deer's neck with your bare hands? Or if you were walking down the street, and a fucking elk came charging at you, could you drop that elk with a kung-fu chop to the elk's forehead, and then pass your genetic information into the elk's womb, and give birth to a new species of man-elk hybrid?

p.s. The likeness of Michael Keaton above was drawn by Steve Murray AKA Chip Zdarsky and stolen from Canada's National Post by ME.

I Wanna be Like Osama

An Exciting New Direction for SUPERBLOG!!

Day 5 of the Ingmar Bergman Death Watch. But enough about that. It's time for something new. Over the next 9 days, SUPERBLOG!! will take action to become THE (or should I say TEH) leading blog in its niche. For each day, we'll take one of this site's nine super strategies to heart, and do what we can to improve SUPERBLOG!! in every way possible. By doing this, we hope to get a lot of new readers and trick more people into clicking our ads, so we can make a lot of money and thus be able to donate more to charity and possibly help find a cure for cancer. You with me? Good.

Today we start with advice number 1:

Focus on Building a Reputation. While products can easily be replicated, a strong reputation or brand is nearly impossible to appropriate without much effort. Brand your website consistently and focus on satisfying your customers or site visitors by generously offering support and free information.

Huh? Yeah... sounds good, I guess. We're branded and stuff, aren't we? Do you people want support and free information? Cos if you do, let us know and we'll try to help you out. For sure. We can... tell you stuff, or something. Bah. I'm already bored with this idea, there's no way I can keep it up for nine days. It sounded like a good idea when I started writing, but I'm not too proud to admit I didn't think it through (to be honest, I only read the title of that page I linked to). Fuck this shit. I'm gonna have a beer.

Tomorrow: Another exciting new direction for SUPERBLOG!! (or not)

Photo #139-143: Whin the beer wis getting delivurd, the beer man broatit oana kert, which wis pull'd buy the biggest fuckin white hoarse in the wurld

That's Troon. I kno that and yoo kno that. U kno u luv it.

Trains from Troon.

It's Harland. He knew things about chicks.

We were all dizzy just watching him.

Thare's mare whare that camefae.

This Also Just In: Falun on Fire

Angry mob protesting against the death of Ingmar are burning shit in Falun. Most of the city now on fire. Koala reportedly alive but will most likely go up in flames too..