Happy New Year

UPDATE #7. Jan 23. All apologies, peeps! The HUGE surprise we're preparing is taking longer than we originally thought. In the meantime, suck on this.

***

UPDATE #6. Jan 21: Sorry for the lack of updates, folks! We're busy working on something awesome behind the scenes. Exciting news coming, possibly as early as tomorrow!!

***

UPDATE #5. Jan 14: Look how strange Amy Adams looks! She must have done something to her hair.

***

UPDATE #4. Jan 12: Happy Tuesday, bitches! I hope you are oh-cay. [In kase u r not, i wish u a speedy rekovery.] As today is Tuesday, it is time for SUPERBLOG!!'s special Tuesday feature Tuesday Lankar, in which we go over all the internets in search of the most important sites right now. And here they are, in order of importance:

• Nic Cage as Everyone
• Photo of the Year: when you someone eat it (and here is the origin tale)
• Next time you jerk it to a movie, make sure it's to one of the 10 Best Masturbation Scenes!

***

UPDATE Jan 11: I smallified the image above. If we're going to be looking at it all year (and we definitely are), it shouldn't oughtta be so big as to hurt our eyes every time we see it.

***

UPDATE Jan 9: One day our old pal Mr Moko was sitting around photoshopping insect heads upon pictures of small children in his lonely cabin when suddenly he got an important phone call from the SUPERBLOG!! offices. It was a job offer. Moko's mission, should he choose to accept it, was to produce a film poster for that old movie in which Rutger Hauer is blind. Blind as a beaver. You know the movie, it's called Blind. Starring Rutger Hauer. Rising to the occasion, Mr Moko spent the next three weeks assembling this awe-inspiring masterpiece:

If you like the poster, DEAR READER, you can buy a lithograph of it from CafePress. Just tell them Rutger sent you. They'll hook you up.

***

UPDATE Jan 7: This year, instead of posting new posts all the time, I'll just update this particular post as the situation warrants. Good idea or great idea?

THIS JUST IN: Patrick "The Stew" Stewart to Win Big Award

Yes! BREAKING NEWS. Shakespearean actor Sir Patrick Stewart will be knighted by British rock band Queen on New Year's Eve, according to Some Newspaper. And I believe it. Patrick, or, as his friends like to call him, Pat, is of course famous for starring as a MUTANT in the X movies, and also for being born in Mirfield, Yorkshire, the son of a weaver and an army officer. But his father beat his mother, Some Newspaper reports, and this turned Pat onto acting. Now he is the finest actor in all the land. He can act the shit out of everyone else. But he rarely does, partly because he's old and partly for hygienic reasons and also because when you're at PAT's level, there's really no reason to show off.

The Irish Beauty Blog has more information:

Now that wasn’t sciency at all. I took out all the hydra oxidisation atom bonding protein structure stuff for you and just put up some words “we can all enjoy”. In the style of It’s Pat. Remember that filum? A classic. Will never lose it’s hilarity.

2007: The Year of Watching DVDs, Part 36: The Last One

I started watching the IMDb top 250 list and when I finished that, I watched everything else. All 2007's reviews.

An American In Paris (1951): I'm sure it's a wonderful movie but it almost made me puke on a number of occasions. Like when sex terrorist Gene Kelly sings with some children. Gene Kelly. He's a professional monster pig, isn't he? He plays an artist. Film guest stars aunt Harriet from the Batman TV series! Plus it wasn't even filmed in Paris!! Moral: Anything goes when you can dance.

Stagecoach (1939): Seemingly endless western by John Ford (his first talkie). It's about a stagecoach. 18 minutes in, SUPERBLOG!! Mortal Enemy John Wayne enters, playing "Ringo the Kid" or "The Ringo Kid" or "Kid Ringo Teh" or somesuch. His distinguishing characteristic in this movie is that he is polite to a whore. But it later turns out that his politeness stems not from the goodness of his heart but rather a desire to "marry" her. Moral: John Wayne liked to fuck prostitutes.

Rebel Without a Cause (1955): This movie stars that guy the pop group Troll sang about. They were from the town I live in. Ends with lots of dramatic music and running. And a stupid whiny cry-baby with a gun. Moral: Watch out for the police.

Hard Eight (1996) (repeat): AKA Sydney. Here's what I found when I image googled the title. Moral: Don't kill people.

Chancer, Series 1 (1990) (TV series, 13 episodes) (repeat): I liked this when it aired on SVT when I was a kid. It's grey and dull and very English and very late 80s. Now it remind me a little of the short-lived Profit (reviewed in Part 22), but perhaps a tiny bit smarter and with more believable characters (though maybe that's just because Americans always seem fake, even when they're real. (Just kidding! (But not really.))). Hey - Jim Profit (Adrian Pasdar) and Stephen Crane (Clive Owen) even look alike:

Moral: Several. Money isn't everything. It's OK to reinvent yourself but sometimes it's good to be honest. Derek is a stupid name.

Wuthering Heights (1939): Laurence Olivier as a bad-tempered, childish loser who turns bitter when he can't have the woman he loves. Quite good. Moral: Don't turn bitter.

A Place in the Sun (1951): Montgomery Clift knocks up Poor Plain Shelley Winters, then cheats on her with Rich Teenage Elizabeth Taylor. Moral: Don't do stuff like that.

Mutiny on the Bounty (1935): Charles Laughton is Captain William "Hardcore" Bligh. Moral: When you mutiny, kill everybody.


The Astronaut Farmer (2006): Billy Bob Thornton as a would-be astronaut named Charles Farmer. Moral: Follow your dream.

The Badge (2002): Billy Bob Thornton as a small town sheriff named Darl Hardwick. Moral: Chicks with dicks are people too.

Straightheads (2007): AKA Closure. Gillian Anderson and boytoy are attacked! Moral: Don't call people wankers.

The Public Enemy (1931): "Nails" Nathan and his posse wreak havoc in Chicago. Moral: Crime doesn't pay.

South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999) (repeat): When the blood of innocent Canadians is spilled, Satan and Saddam try to take over the world. Moral: Censorship is bad.

Identity (2003) (repeat): John Cusack is a multi-talented limo driver who investigates a crime. Moral: Madmen sure can be crazy.

My Fair Lady (1964): Mad Henry Higgins and Colonel Hugh Pickering engage in a bet on who can be the most homosexual. Also, on whether Eliza Doolittle can ever learn to speak properly. Moral: Opposites attract.

To Die For (1995) (repeat): Nicole Kidman wants to be in television. Moral: Everyone gets their fifteen minutes eventually.


Four Rooms (1995) (repeat): Tim Roth as a bellboy in four stories of remarkably varying quality (half of it is good or very good, half of it sucks elephant balls). My most special New Year's Eve film. Moral: Kids will be kids.

And so our long, arduous journey draws to a close. All in all, I watched and reviewed circa 512 movies and 632 television episodes. Thanks for reading. Good night.

The Patink

With debonair actor/singer Mandy Patinkin, every day can be New Year's Eve.