What They Made Me Watch in November, 2009

I quit writing actual film reviews for SUPERBLOG!! because I realized that no matter how hard I try, I'll never become ROGER EBERT. For one thing, I'm naturally slender. For another, I'm not an insane madman with capital-K Krazy taste in movies. Instead (and like last time) I'll just list the films in order of decreasing suckitude. You will like it just fine, unless you don't, in which case we are both the poorer. Such is life, and now on with the list:

The Limits of Control (2009) [it tried the limits of my patience! Ha! Amirite, ppl?]
Ink (2009) [didn't suck, just wasn't very awesome]
The Long Goodbye (1973) (R) [the only Altman film I've seen that I didn't like very much. It doesn't even get a link!]
(500) Days of Summer (2009) [okay, I'll shut up now]
Will Ferrell: You're Welcome America - A Final Night with George W Bush (2009)
The Frighteners (1996)
Zombieland (2009) [I'll give it three zombies, like so:]
  
The Mist (2007)
Funny People (2009)
Up (2009)
Du levande / You, the Living (2007)
Enchanted (2007) (R; previously reviewed by me here)
Superbad (2007) (R)

I also watched some seasons of television but I don't know how to fit them in. They were good though:
Mad Men: Season 3 (2009, 13 episodes)
The Shield: Season 4 (2005, 13 episodes)
The Shield: Season 5 (2006, 11 episodes)
The Shield: Season 6 (2007, 10 episodes)
The Shield: Season 7 (2008, 13 episodes) [Ronnie Gardocki, you will always be my hero, even if everyone else takes you for granted.]

All in all, November's watching gets three willises, like so:
  

Thus we bid farewell to both zombies and willises as ranking tools. Next time, maybe we'll do the same for our old friend Señor Michael Keaton.

The Year of Definitely Not Watching Any DVDs: July, 2008, Part the First

Yay! New film reviews! Darn it, I am way behind on these, aren't I? July? It's already Sprocktober, for Gollum's sake! Anyway, here are short and sweet reviews of stuff I watched this July:

Damages: Season 1 (2007, 13 episodes)
Lawyer-y morality tale with powerful performances from all leads, including Alex Forrest and Sam Malone and Governor James Devlin, the last of whom was awarded an Emmy for his role in this I believe. Anyway. It's possible I'd have grown tired of it if I'd watched it over the course of 13 weeks instead of a couple of days, since it's only one single large story and not an entirely believable one at that. But anyway. Anyway. I liked it. Grade:



The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008)
I always hoped I would marry Mary-Louise Parker one day, but I have to admit the chances of that happening seems ever more remote. And anyway, she may be past child-bearing age, and I always wanted to have 16 children (no, I didn't). Anyway. Anyway. In this movie based on popular books (I believe) Freddie Highmore plays twins because the filmmakers didn't want to cast two actual twins because it would have cost more and also there are no prominent twins in acting anymore except for the Olsens (one of which was in Weeds [review of season 1], just like Mary-Louise Parker, which reminds me: I need to watch season 4 of Weeds) but they are girls. There's also the Barbi twins, one of which married Ken Wahl (I'm watching Wiseguy at the moment) - and I believe the other one sometimes sleeps with him as well - but I'm not sure they qualify as actual actors just because they sleep with Ken Wahl? But they are girls too. The role calls for a boy, and Freddie Highmore is a boy, so he gets it. But the role actually calls for a pair of boys, and Freddie Highmore is just one (1) boy, so he gets to play both (2). It's math.
I should perhaps tell you something about the picture. The CGI creatures are plentiful, and they look fairly weightless and unconvincing. Could be poor character design, could be poorish execution. What do I know? I do know we'll laugh at the ineptitude of it in about five years. It will seem downright quaint in ten. This film is nothing special. Nick Nolte is onscreen for all of five minutes, playing a human incarnation of Mulgarath. Probably okay for its target audience (smallish children). Moral: Honesty is the best policy.


I think this is as good a time as any to post a nude picture of Mary-Louise Parker, don't you?



Sorry for the poor resolution, and the image could have been sexier I guess. Anyway.

Twins (1988)
Did you know that the humor in this movie stems largely from the fact that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito play twins, even though they don't look or act very much alike? Well, it's true. Parts of it are atrociously stupid but it's generally an inoffensive and benign comedy. The hotness of Kelly Preston, as Arnold's love interest, helps some. Keen-eyed in Kentucky: An 18-year old Heather Graham (uncredited) is the twins' mother at the start of the movie. 18! That's too early to have a couple of babies, even if you give them away to Science.


(I think I'm talking too much about hot girls in this blog post. Maybe I'm horny? Maybe this is the weekend? Should I get out and find myself a willing (i.e. feeble-minded) girl instead of blogging movies? Possibly.)

Anyway. I don't understand why I haven't already posted a nude pic of Kelly Preston so let's rectify that immediately:



TV Junkie (2006)
Rick Kirkham filmed most of what happened in his life from a very early age and continued doing so when he got addicted to crack cocaine and his marriage fell apart. This is part of what he filmed. It's weird watching this on the screen - a lot of it is deeply personal stuff (well, obviously). Alternately heartwarming and heartbreaking. Uncomfortable and fascinating viewing.



The Last Man on Earth (1964)
Surprisingly faithful, at least plotwise, B&W "spaghetti horror" version of I am Legend, starring Vincent Price. Well, perhaps not so surprising, as it transpires that screenwriter "Logan Swanson" is a pseudonym for Richard Matheson, the book's author (Wikipedia: "due to later rewrites he did not wish his name to appear in the credits").
Incidentally, I lent my copy of the book to my co-blogger Uncle Sammy and the mother of his many children and then when I visited their house I forgot to bring it back but I couldn't live without it on my shelf so I ordered a new copy. So you can keep the book, Uncle and Aunt Sammy! It counts as a wedding present in case you ever get married.


Next time: More July, probably less nudity. (Sorry.)

Key to the rating system:
= SUCKS
= KINDA SUCKS
= SUCKS LITTLE
= SUCKS VERY LITTLE
= KINDA RULES

Yeah But No But Yeah But No.

If you are the kind of person who loves or hates or doesn't give a shit about Garfield, you need to read this blog post from Flog and click each and every link. It will expand your mind and torso. (The above strip was plucked from Farfield.)

But wait! There's more:

SUPERBLOG!! Scientific Discovery of the Day: Finally we can dump this stupid planet.

SUPERBLOG!! Breaking News: Michael Keaton is still Batman! He never stopped being Batman! He'll always be Batman!

Michael Keaton is Superblog!!'s patron saint!