Straight Talk Express!

Hello my children! I don't have any real actual biological children of my own (because I use condoms) (and also because women very rarely want to have sex with me) so instead I like to think of each and every reader of SUPERBLOG!! as part of my vast spiritual progeny! How disgusting is that?!? Anyway. People have been wondering stuff so it's time once again (??) for the...

SUPERBLOG!! FAQ

Q: WTF was all that talk about "A New Dawn" for SUPERBLOG!!? Was it all just talk? Did the talk mean something? Was it just talky stuff? Talk?

A: There is a famous poem by Robert Burns that is applicable to this situation:

The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often askew,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!

Q: How many manhours does it take every week to keep SUPERBLOG!! going?

A: Anywhere between 50 and 200 hours. (That's not counting research, of course.) Sometimes up to 400 hours. Once, a single blog entry took almost 1,000 hours to complete. (It was this one.) (Sucker! It totally wasn't. It was this one. Danny just wouldn't stay still to pose for the photo. Eventually we had to just pluck a ready-made picture off the internet.)

Q: Whose side are you on?

A: That would be telling.

(That's a quote from The Prisoner. Did you catch it? A cookie for you! And also you win a bonus question!!!)

Q: When is Patrick McGoohan coming back?

A: Sorry, Patrick McGoohan is dead and never coming back. I know you want him to. We all miss him terribly. But what if you got your wish and he (TWIST!) came back as a zombie?! Rotty and decaying and hungry for brains... Would that really be all that great? Or like in Pet Sematary, all murderous and stuff? It just wouldn't be the same. Let him rot in peace, SUPERBLOG!! says.

DO NOT WANT STABBY McGOOHAN

The CoNdom King!

KOALA CONDOMS!!

Need a comdom? Buy them at kondomkungen.

Happy New Year

UPDATE #7. Jan 23. All apologies, peeps! The HUGE surprise we're preparing is taking longer than we originally thought. In the meantime, suck on this.

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UPDATE #6. Jan 21: Sorry for the lack of updates, folks! We're busy working on something awesome behind the scenes. Exciting news coming, possibly as early as tomorrow!!

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UPDATE #5. Jan 14: Look how strange Amy Adams looks! She must have done something to her hair.

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UPDATE #4. Jan 12: Happy Tuesday, bitches! I hope you are oh-cay. [In kase u r not, i wish u a speedy rekovery.] As today is Tuesday, it is time for SUPERBLOG!!'s special Tuesday feature Tuesday Lankar, in which we go over all the internets in search of the most important sites right now. And here they are, in order of importance:

• Nic Cage as Everyone
• Photo of the Year: when you someone eat it (and here is the origin tale)
• Next time you jerk it to a movie, make sure it's to one of the 10 Best Masturbation Scenes!

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UPDATE Jan 11: I smallified the image above. If we're going to be looking at it all year (and we definitely are), it shouldn't oughtta be so big as to hurt our eyes every time we see it.

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UPDATE Jan 9: One day our old pal Mr Moko was sitting around photoshopping insect heads upon pictures of small children in his lonely cabin when suddenly he got an important phone call from the SUPERBLOG!! offices. It was a job offer. Moko's mission, should he choose to accept it, was to produce a film poster for that old movie in which Rutger Hauer is blind. Blind as a beaver. You know the movie, it's called Blind. Starring Rutger Hauer. Rising to the occasion, Mr Moko spent the next three weeks assembling this awe-inspiring masterpiece:

If you like the poster, DEAR READER, you can buy a lithograph of it from CafePress. Just tell them Rutger sent you. They'll hook you up.

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UPDATE Jan 7: This year, instead of posting new posts all the time, I'll just update this particular post as the situation warrants. Good idea or great idea?