Thursday, February 01, 2007

2007: The Year of Watching DVDs, Part IV: Shocking



You know the drill by now. So it's time to change it! Check it, this time I'll write tiny little actual reviews instead of just one-word summaries. Shocking! You'll love it, you will. Snark alert!

Marnie (1964)
Disturbed thief Tippi Hedren is married and raped (in that order) by charming psychology buff Sean Connery, who convinces her she has to confront her bloody past before she can be comfortable with his raping her. Slightly below mid-level Hitchcock, I'd say. But that's still not bad because I love Hitch and plan to marry his corpse as soon as Swedish law permits.


Nouvo Cinema Paradiso (1988)
Something about the power of cinema and young love, or whatever. Not without great sequences, but way overlong at 2.54. Also, I've never really forgiven the Italians for World War II. But I almost cried once. Shocking!


This Film Is Not Yet Rated (2006)
Semi-fascinating look at movie censorship in the US. Ha ha, stupid Americans and their stupid rating system. If you are an American and you read this, you are stupid.


Glory (1989)
Sentimental US Civil War tale of whiteboy colonel (Matthew Broderick) and his Negro regiment learn to like each other. We never really get into any of the characters' heads. Decent but unremarkable.


The Farmer's Wife (1928)
Stupid old widower, itching to remarry, makes a list of potential brides, rating them for youth, cleanliness, and fuckability. Well, no, not exactly, but wouldn't it have been fun if he had? Lest you think this movie isn't dirty as sin, it does contain the phrase "too fond of dressing your mutton lamb fashion", as well as talk of a "sex challenge". I'm serious. Anyway, the widower goes through his list, and you won't believe who he eventually chooses! (Hint: It's the woman he's hugging on the cover of the DVD.)


Interview with the Vampire (1994) (repeat)
Not too shabby. Pretty much a fictionalized biopic of Tom Cruise's life. Obviously it's about gay love, and gay adoption, and general gayness, but the observant viewer will also catch numerous references to the Church of Scientology and his phony marriage with my lost love, Katie Holmes.


United 93 (2006):
Check it, I'm gonna be serious for a second! (Shocking!) This is a painfully absorbing tale of the clusterfuck that allowed a bunch of terrorists to destroy some American landmarks and the people inside. But mostly it's about the fourth plane, the one that smashed into the ground. It strives very hard for authenticity and mostly succeeds. Check it, I'm serious: One of the most devastating movies I've ever seen.



Best of the Week: United 93.

Worst of the Week: The Farmer's Wife. Which was still decent, so it was a good week.

Twofifty update: 152, I think.

7 comments:

Uncle Sammy said...

Ah! No visitors --> no comments? Awesome! Finally!

Koala Mentala said...

SUPERBLOG!!: Pearls Before Swine.

Sombody I Used to Know said...

I'm tired of you berating us Americans! Jerk! I demand an apology.

Matthew said...

United 93 could have used a vampire. Or something on the wing.

Uncle Sammy said...

:-(
Visitors --> comments!

Afe said...

Marnie was originally supposed to star Grace Kelly, in which case it would have scored eight hundred million Michael Keatons.

Koala Mentala said...

Sombody: It's spelled "Somebody", you moron! Typical American.

Matthew: You could use a vampire. In the ass!!

Afe: If Grace Kelly had played the rapist I would certainly have awarded Marnie eight hundred million Michael Keatons. But she didn't, so it gets 3.