SUPERBLOG!!

Hello! Goodbye! We own the night!

2010-12-31T23:22:00.002+01:00

EDIT: This SUPERBLOG!! post was co-written by Uncle Sammy.

Hello munchers! Got any spunk left in you, do you?

This is the last SB entry EVER! Here is a list of people we want to thank:

Rudolf; U cheap bastard.

Moko, U moko

Goo, You draw good.

George W Buddha

Spiderboyo, U are comical.

Everybody we forgot

UPDATE: AFE!

Here are some other people:

Tom Krus

Klaus Kinski

Rocketboy"!"!!!!

Facebook forever !!!

You're Wrong!

2010-10-18T12:29:00.005+02:00

SUPERBLOG!! will never die.

It may stumble and fall and suck and blow. It may be an occasional embarrassment. By which I mean a constant embarrassment. It may be an outdated experiment. It may be a Nothing blog, Rarely Updated, Ignored By Its Former Fans and Even Its Creators. It may continually make promises of radical changes that never happen.

But it is the Alpha and the Omega. It is the Light-Bringer. It is the Christ. It's your father and mother and brother and lover. But better than all of them, because it will be with you always, even to the End of Tim. And the End of Time.

SUPERBLOG!! was here before you were born, and it will be here long after you are all dead dead dead

If I'm lying, may the Lord punish me by striking me with a bad case of hubris.

Old Things New!

2010-10-07T17:38:00.003+02:00

This picture is old! But for me it was NEW!

Soon: Doom

2010-09-27T21:59:00.000+02:00

SUPERBLOG TWO!! Roland Fassbinder! It's here! Soon! Doom!

Something

2010-09-15T12:40:00.000+02:00

600 Hours to Doom!

2010-09-01T17:49:00.002+02:00

Date line: September! In exactly six hundred human hours (roughly 37,512 minutes), SUPERBLOG!! as we know and hate it will be destroyed! Exploded, one might say. Luckily, it will be replaced with something far, far better. A sort of... SUPERBLOG 2!! (The Blogspot URL has already been altered to reflect this momentous change.)

Several guest-bloggers will be invited. Roland Fassbinder is in talks to contribute. You have been warned. Watch the skies! Doom!! DOOM.

The clock is ticking - it is now 500 hours!

Films in Order from Good to Bad, June-July 2010

2010-08-02T20:04:00.000+02:00

Recent studies suggest that motion pictures should be rated with more precision than the classic SUPERBLOG!! Five-Keaton Scale affords. Thus, for this post at least, the "MK5" (as it is known in the business) will be retired, and replaced with the supposedly superior "MK10" scale. Just watch:

A Clockwork Orange (1971) (R)

The Shining (1980) (R)
The Dark Knight (2008) (R)

Superman: The Movie (1978) (R)
Dead Ringers (1988)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) (R)
Greenberg (2010)
The Ghost Writer (2010)

Junebug (2005) (R)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
Zero Effect (1998) (R)

The Prestige (2006) (R)
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005) (R)
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007) (R)
Heartless (2009)
The Constant Gardener (2005)
A Single Man (2009)
Y tu mamá también (2001)
Time After Time (1979)
Mystery Team (2009)
Cemetery Junction (2010)
The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971)

Winter Kills (1979)
Serenity (2005)
The House of the Devil (2009)
Kicking and Screaming (1995)
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (2001) (R)
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) (R)
Gwoemul / The Host (2006)
Dr. Phibes Rises Again (1972)

Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)
Dan in Real Life (2007)
Cube: Hypercube (2002) (R)
Chasing Amy (1997)
Män som hatar kvinnor / The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2009)
Lisa, Lisa / Axe (1977)

Kick-Ass (2010)
Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010)
Luftslottet som sprängdes / The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest (2009)
Flickan som lekte med elden / The Girl Who Played with Fire (2009)
Batman: Gotham Knight (2008)
The Book of Eli (2010)
Date Night (2010)
Flatland: The Film (2007)

Twilight (2008)
Swimming Pool - Der Tod feiert mit / The Pool (2001)

And so it ends. I would have written a little something about each film but I have a bus to nowhere to catch. I hope to see you there.

Yrs probably,
KM

Screencaps from Der Geistskribent (2010) and Der Pool (2001) TM & © SUPPERBLOOD Enterprises. Reproduced with kind permission of the rights holder.

Who Throws Cheese Honestly? and other pictures

2010-07-17T23:09:00.001+02:00

#1: CAT. I hate this image and the sentiment behind it.

#2: CRIME CIRCUS. I have no strong feelings about this image.

Robbing the Pope!

2010-07-03T16:24:00.000+02:00

I'm Starting a Circus of Crime

2010-06-29T08:58:00.001+02:00

"The CLOWN does not take that LIGHTLY!"

Harry Gaylord and the Goblet of Cum

2010-06-27T11:46:00.004+02:00

The reason you haven't heard from SUPERBLOG!! in the last ten days or so is that we have been writing a series of young-adult fantasy novels, the first one of which is to be published later this Summer. There will probably be a total of six or seven books. These will chronicle the adventures of the adolescent wizard Harry Gaylord, a student at Suxdix School of Murder & Misogyny, in particular his struggles against the evil wizard Lord Jew. These books are literally writing themselves and we are already hard at work on the fifth one, Harry Gaylord and the Order of the Führer.

No no no no no. As usual, it is all a bunch of stupid bullshit.

Stupid Blog! Be More Funny!!

2010-06-17T17:17:00.002+02:00

And if you can't manage that, shitty SUPERBLOG!!, at least try to be less actively UNfunny.

You fucking blog, you. I should sell you to the Chinese. To the filthy Chinese.

Gee Fraza!

2010-06-13T11:30:00.001+02:00

SUPERBLOG!! supports the Free Gaza Movement! Though not with money, of course. Just with enough blog posts to counteract occasional reactionary nonsense.

Actually, the Official Koala Position on the Arab-Israeli conflict is probably closest to "A pox on both their houses", but in the Ship to Gaza incident, it seems pretty obvious that Israel acted unethically and unlawfully. How anyone can make excuses for them in this instance is beyond me.

We Con the World

2010-06-12T18:37:00.001+02:00

They con the world!

Films in Order from Good to Bad, April-May 2010

2010-06-05T12:29:00.002+02:00

Excellent! Another completely meaningless list of meaninglessness! I love SUPERBLOG!! This time (for a change), I will rate each motion picture on the Michael Keaton Scale, ranging from 5 Keatons (= "Keatonastic! :-)") to 1 lonely Keaton (= "Keatonethic! :-("). I will also use cutting-edge Internet Hyperlink technology to link to AV Club reviews, when relevant. When not relevant, I will not link to anything. That is my promise to you, the reading public.

Ha! Nothing!

Eyes Wide Shut (1999) (R)
Out of the Past (1947)
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007) (R)

Iron Man 2 (2010)
Iron Man (2008) (R)
Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008)
The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans (2009)
Crazy Heart (2009)
Bob Roberts (1992) (R)
Animal Farm (1954)
Shutter Island (2010)
Sherlock Holmes (2009)
Point Blank (1967) (R)
Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2009)
Hamlet 2 (2008)
Wiseguy (1996)
Europa (1991)
The Road (2009)

The Girlfriend Experience (2009)
Valhalla (1986)
Shorts (2009)
Prime Cut (1972)
Wet Hot American Summer (2001)
Batman & Mr. Freeze: SubZero (1998)
Angel of Death (2009)
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (1970)
Avatar (2009)
Alice in Wonderland (2010)

Confessions of a Sociopathic Social Climber (2005)

I hope you enjoyed scrolling through this meaningless list of meaninglessness and if for some reason you didn't I hope you die soon. No. Just kidding. I hope you never die, ever.

Bernard Calsong (1803-1845)

2010-05-31T20:17:00.000+02:00

If Bernard Calsong hadn't created underwear back in the 1830s, it's not entirely unlikely that we all would be convered from head to toe in piss and shit at this point. Please tell your children about this great inventor and read more on Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Undergarment
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bernard_Calsong_(inventor)

And if you enjoy Wikipedia and inventions like underwear, please consider making a donation.

SPOILER: It is piss

2010-05-27T10:14:00.002+02:00

Not Lost, Lost is good. Jack sure likes golden showers. That is his one character flaw. Therefore he had to leave the island for a while. But then he had to go back! But first he had to take a shower, because he STANK. That is how Lost (SPOILERS) ended.

What? When did he take the shower? I don't understand.

Films in Order from Good to Bad, February-March 2010

2010-05-16T16:48:00.000+02:00

Something like this, maybe not exactly:

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) (R)
There Will Be Blood (2007) (R)

Glengarry Glen Ross (1992) (R)
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)
Rachel Getting Married (2008) (R)
Moon (2009) (R)
An Education (2009)
Raise the Red Lantern (1991)

Tape (2001)
The Spanish Prisoner (1997)
The Informant! (2009)
Sita Sings the Blues (2008)
Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths (2010)
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971) (R)

Women in Trouble (2009)
Monsters vs Aliens (2009)
Creepshow 2 (1987)
The Box (2009)

2012 (2009)
The Descent: Part 2 (2009)

Ugo Boncompagni

2010-05-14T13:23:00.000+02:00

Happy 448th (or whatever) anniversary of when Ugo was turned into a Pope by God. It was today, on the 14th of May (That rhymes!). They called him the Pop Pope because he listened to popular music while healing the sick. Of course, the music that was popular back in Ugo's day was utter SHIT and wouldn't be very popular today if people were allowed to hear it. Also, while healing the sick may sound like a nice thing to do, historians have been able to prove that it was Ugo himself who gave them the disease in the first place.

Ugo: Disease-spreading popular healer POP pope.

Spider-Sauce

2010-05-01T00:27:00.000+02:00

I'm gonna shoot my disgusting spider-sauce right in your stupid faces. Just you wait and see.

It's May Day today.

I Shall Become A Keamy

2010-03-31T23:00:00.000+02:00

If me work hard on it methinks me just might one day turn into Martin Keamy. Me shall try with all my hearts.

1667 POSTS OF FALI

2010-03-31T21:56:00.000+02:00

OMD!!

2010-03-27T23:10:00.000+01:00

This is very likely the least offensive picture that turns up when you Image Google "dog dick". But why would you, anyway? Are you some kind of weirdo?

Film Reviews (Not Really), January 2010 (Two Months Ago)

2010-03-23T11:08:00.000+01:00

Listen up maggots! Do YOU enjoy seeing a list of films and television series rated on a scale between one and four Michael Keatons with no explication whatsoever on how and why a particular rating was attained? Then today's proud SUPERBLOG!! entry is for YOU.

88 Minutes (2007)
Righteous Kill (2008)
Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)
Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999)

Public Enemies (2009)
44 Inch Chest (2009)
Book of Blood (2009)
Batman Beyond: Season 3 (2000-2001, 13 episodes)
Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker (2000)
Sunshine Cleaning (2008)
TV Funhouse (8 episodes, 2000-2001)

Whip It (2009)
The Late Shift (1996) (R)
Lord of Illusions (1995) (R)
Watchmen: The Ultimate Cut (2009) (R)
Meet John Doe (1941)
The Unit: Season 1 (2006, 13 episodes)
Heathers (1988)
Burn After Reading (2008)

Party Down (2009, 10 episodes)
Hellraiser (1987) (R)
Big Fan (2009)
Up in the Air (2009)
World's Greatest Dad (2009)
Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)
A Serious Man (2009)
Full Metal Jacket (1987) (R)
In the Loop (2009) (R)

YOU!

Just Checking In to Let You Know That Al Gore Still Rules

2010-03-17T21:50:00.000+01:00

What a terrific human being Albert Gore is. He is a role model and an ideal. I love you, Al Gore.

But of course, the whole WORLD loves Mr Gore. There is not a single person on this ever-hottening planet that doesn't love President Gore. SOME people may not admit it, but in their HEART they know the TRUTH.

Experts Agree: Climate Change Exists and Al Gore is Awesome!

2010-03-12T16:51:00.001+01:00

Here's an overview of The Global Warming Skeptics versus the Scientific Consensus. And some further info.

Remember to Vote Gore in 2016!

Bash Gore More!

2010-03-12T14:18:00.002+01:00

Hahaha! Kick him! Kick his nuts!

Al Gore was conspicuously missing in action before surfacing with a long article in the New York Times on February 28, reiterating his familiar parade of horribles: The sea level will rise! Monster storms! Climate refugees in the hundreds of millions! Political chaos the world over! It was the rhetorical equivalent of stamping his feet and saying “It is too so!”

The Butterfly Effect

2010-03-10T20:13:00.010+01:00

Original Roundabout Dog in Linköping. I'm driving through that roundabout every time I go to IKEA. You can see the IKEA flags if you're able to focus some..

Swedish Cartoonist Lars Vilks. Inspired by the original roundabout dog he made a Muhammed picture picturing Muhammed as a roundabout dog!

Rage Boy is one angry boy.

Pennsylvania Woman Jihad Jane Tied to Plot on Cartoonist Lars Vilks.

End of world. At least some of it started started near the place where I buy my furniture.

Happy New Year

2010-02-17T21:02:00.001+01:00

What They Made Me Watch in December, 2009

2010-02-11T12:24:00.001+01:00

Oh noes! Before SUPERBLOG!! is killed dead once and for all, loose-hanging threads have to be finished off or twined or whatever the expression is. In lenticular particular, DVD in 2009. Lie sleepless no more, kids: here comes Decembre! I mean December.

Arranged from Shit to Hit:

Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy (1996) [okay, not shit exactly. Decembre was a good month for watching. I mean December]
Bored to Death: Season 1 (2009, 8 episodes) [bored me to death. I'm dead now]
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006) (R)
Crimson Tide (1995) [not even link-worthy! Nah, it was okay]
Dexter: Season 4 (2009, 12 episodes)
Extract (2009)
Sleeping Beauty (1959)
The Invention of Lying (2009)
Four Rooms (1995) (R) [perhaps the best motion picture in motion picture history]
Julia (2008)
25th Hour (2002)
Humpday (2009)
Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Paranormal Activity (2007)
Frost/Nixon (2008) (R) [see, it's the guy on the pic above. I mean Dick, not Frost]
Where the Wild Things Are (2009)

And now you can sleep, until you are dead dead dead.

One Week Without SUPERBLOG!! is Like One Week Without Water

2010-02-09T11:36:00.000+01:00

I.e. very dry.

KoalaCam #47: A Person

2010-02-02T17:26:00.000+01:00

I met this person in the same exact fucking store where I bought my new easy chair although at a different point in time. He had nothing to say then and he has nothing to say now. I call him Guido.

Same space, different time!!

Straight Talk Express!

2010-01-28T21:39:00.012+01:00

Hello my children! I don't have any real actual biological children of my own (because I use condoms) (and also because women very rarely want to have sex with me) so instead I like to think of each and every reader of SUPERBLOG!! as part of my vast spiritual progeny! How disgusting is that?!? Anyway. People have been wondering stuff so it's time once again (??) for the...

SUPERBLOG!! FAQ

Q: WTF was all that talk about "A New Dawn" for SUPERBLOG!!? Was it all just talk? Did the talk mean something? Was it just talky stuff? Talk?

A: There is a famous poem by Robert Burns that is applicable to this situation:

The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often askew,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!

Q: How many manhours does it take every week to keep SUPERBLOG!! going?

A: Anywhere between 50 and 200 hours. (That's not counting research, of course.) Sometimes up to 400 hours. Once, a single blog entry took almost 1,000 hours to complete. (It was this one.) (Sucker! It totally wasn't. It was this one. Danny just wouldn't stay still to pose for the photo. Eventually we had to just pluck a ready-made picture off the internet.)

Q: Whose side are you on?

A: That would be telling.

(That's a quote from The Prisoner. Did you catch it? A cookie for you! And also you win a bonus question!!!)

Q: When is Patrick McGoohan coming back?

A: Sorry, Patrick McGoohan is dead and never coming back. I know you want him to. We all miss him terribly. But what if you got your wish and he (TWIST!) came back as a zombie?! Rotty and decaying and hungry for brains... Would that really be all that great? Or like in Pet Sematary, all murderous and stuff? It just wouldn't be the same. Let him rot in peace, SUPERBLOG!! says.

DO NOT WANT STABBY McGOOHAN

The CoNdom King!

2010-01-27T09:39:00.003+01:00

KOALA CONDOMS!!

Need a comdom? Buy them at kondomkungen.

Happy New Year

2010-01-02T12:01:00.013+01:00

UPDATE #7. Jan 23. All apologies, peeps! The HUGE surprise we're preparing is taking longer than we originally thought. In the meantime, suck on this.

***

UPDATE #6. Jan 21: Sorry for the lack of updates, folks! We're busy working on something awesome behind the scenes. Exciting news coming, possibly as early as tomorrow!!

***

UPDATE #5. Jan 14: Look how strange Amy Adams looks! She must have done something to her hair.

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UPDATE #4. Jan 12: Happy Tuesday, bitches! I hope you are oh-cay. [In kase u r not, i wish u a speedy rekovery.] As today is Tuesday, it is time for SUPERBLOG!!'s special Tuesday feature Tuesday Lankar, in which we go over all the internets in search of the most important sites right now. And here they are, in order of importance:

Nic Cage as Everyone
Photo of the Year: when you someone eat it (and here is the origin tale)
Next time you jerk it to a movie, make sure it's to one of the 10 Best Masturbation Scenes!

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UPDATE Jan 11: I smallified the image above. If we're going to be looking at it all year (and we definitely are), it shouldn't oughtta be so big as to hurt our eyes every time we see it.

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UPDATE Jan 9: One day our old pal Mr Moko was sitting around photoshopping insect heads upon pictures of small children in his lonely cabin when suddenly he got an important phone call from the SUPERBLOG!! offices. It was a job offer. Moko's mission, should he choose to accept it, was to produce a film poster for that old movie in which Rutger Hauer is blind. Blind as a beaver. You know the movie, it's called Blind. Starring Rutger Hauer. Rising to the occasion, Mr Moko spent the next three weeks assembling this awe-inspiring masterpiece:

If you like the poster, DEAR READER, you can buy a lithograph of it from CafePress. Just tell them Rutger sent you. They'll hook you up.

***

UPDATE Jan 7: This year, instead of posting new posts all the time, I'll just update this particular post as the situation warrants. Good idea or great idea?

What They Made Me Watch in November, 2009

2009-12-30T16:34:00.002+01:00

I quit writing actual film reviews for SUPERBLOG!! because I realized that no matter how hard I try, I'll never become ROGER EBERT. For one thing, I'm naturally slender. For another, I'm not an insane madman with capital-K Krazy taste in movies. Instead (and like last time) I'll just list the films in order of decreasing suckitude. You will like it just fine, unless you don't, in which case we are both the poorer. Such is life, and now on with the list:

The Limits of Control (2009) [it tried the limits of my patience! Ha! Amirite, ppl?]
Ink (2009) [didn't suck, just wasn't very awesome]
The Long Goodbye (1973) (R) [the only Altman film I've seen that I didn't like very much. It doesn't even get a link!]
(500) Days of Summer (2009) [okay, I'll shut up now]
Will Ferrell: You're Welcome America - A Final Night with George W Bush (2009)
The Frighteners (1996)
Zombieland (2009) [I'll give it three zombies, like so:]

The Mist (2007)
Funny People (2009)
Up (2009)
Du levande / You, the Living (2007)
Enchanted (2007) (R; previously reviewed by me here)
Superbad (2007) (R)

I also watched some seasons of television but I don't know how to fit them in. They were good though:
Mad Men: Season 3 (2009, 13 episodes)
The Shield: Season 4 (2005, 13 episodes)
The Shield: Season 5 (2006, 11 episodes)
The Shield: Season 6 (2007, 10 episodes)
The Shield: Season 7 (2008, 13 episodes) [Ronnie Gardocki, you will always be my hero, even if everyone else takes you for granted.]

All in all, November's watching gets three willises, like so:

Thus we bid farewell to both zombies and willises as ranking tools. Next time, maybe we'll do the same for our old friend Señor Michael Keaton.

Murphymass is Nearly Over

2009-12-26T21:10:00.001+01:00

It's always sad when seasons end and now is no exception. Tomorrow Murphymass will officially be over and done with for 2009. And just a few more days of the year remain and then it will be 2010 and who knows what the future might bring? Further strife and poverty and starvation and homelessness and death, quite possibly. War and rape and violence, most likely. But even in the midst of all this sadity and worry, we have to smile and laugh and dance and sing. Because no matter how shitty our lives might be, we can be certain of two things:

There are other people on this planet who have it even worse. (A dozen people starve to death every minute. A hundred children are born with AIDS every day.)
In time, things will get worse for us as well. We probably won't starve, but any one of us could get hit by a car and die tomorrow. And even if no sudden catastrophe occurs, we (and our loved ones) are slowly deteriorating and dying. You're not just imagining it: time is running out.

And if those two thoughts don't warm your heart and make you sleep well tonight, I don't know what you want from me.

The Ten Murphys of Murphymass!

2009-12-24T13:50:00.001+01:00

It's Murphymass. Let's celebrate all the Murphys we know! These are the ten Murphys of Murphymass!!

1. Brittany. The best of all possible Murphys. She's in heaven now.

2-3. Alex & Sean. One was a robotic cop, the other a correctional officer. Neither of them existed, but were rather portrayed by professional "actors" who just pretended to be Alex & Sean. When this ugly truth was exposed, people were appalled and turned on them.

4. Bleeding Gums. One of the boringest of all Simpsons characters. And that's saying a lot considering how mediocre the once-excellent show has turned in recent years. Although the last season (#21) has so far been an improvement on the 20th. No thanks to Bleeding Gums!

5. Cillian. Slightly famous person who has, again, been employed as a professional "actor". The difference to Alex & Sean though is that in this case he himself is the actual Murphy, and the persons whose lives he acts out on screen are only pretend. There is no such thing as a scarecrow.

6. Brown. Unlike most people on this list, her FIRST name is Murphy. Totally crazy.

7. Can't remember her name. She's a model that popped up in Google Image search. But she deserves a spot on this Murphymass list as much as anyone.

8. Eddie. Of course! The star of Meet Dave.

9. Michael. Semi-known although mostly unknown for Robert Altman's classic Tanner '88 and its not-quite-as-good-but-still-worthwhile follow-up Tanner on Tanner.

10. Oakes. Obviously we couldn't leave the fourteenth Governor of Arizona Territory off this list. Learn all about his fascinating life on Wikipedia!

Next Murphymass: 10 different Murphys!* MERRY MURPHYMASS EVRYBUDY

*Or the same. Or none at all.

RIP Brittany Murphy, 32

2009-12-21T12:35:00.000+01:00

First Patrick McGoohan, and then a bunch of people I don't care about, and now Brittany Murphy. Can there be any doubt that 2009 was the saddest year ever? Brittany or Britanny or however she spelled her name may not have been an A list star but I thought she was pretty great in a whole bunch of movies, chief among them Sin City and Spun, and The Dead Girl (which was good, but I guess she wasn't in it a whole lot). And as I recall, she was pretty hot in 8 Mile, although maybe not in Girl, Interrupted, or in Clueless, but that was a surprisingly fun movie if you're at peace with your inner girl. Which SUPERBLOG!! is. (And funness beats hotness most of the time, for hotness fades but fun lasts forever might possibly last a little while longer.)

And as a general rule, nobody who was in Freeway should be allowed to die! No matter how they squander their talent afterwards [*cough 24 cough*]. So this is yet more proof if any were needed that God is an asshole who doesn't play by the rules and therefore should be excluded from the celebrations this coming holidays. Accordingly, I hereby re-dub Christmas, 2009 Murphymass, 2009.

Merry Murphymass, everybody!

THIS JUST IN: Patrick "The Stew" Stewart to Win Big Award

2009-12-20T12:35:00.001+01:00

Yes! BREAKING NEWS. Shakespearean actor Sir Patrick Stewart will be knighted by British rock band Queen on New Year's Eve, according to Some Newspaper. And I believe it. Patrick, or, as his friends like to call him, Pat, is of course famous for starring as a MUTANT in the X movies, and also for being born in Mirfield, Yorkshire, the son of a weaver and an army officer. But his father beat his mother, Some Newspaper reports, and this turned Pat onto acting. Now he is the finest actor in all the land. He can act the shit out of everyone else. But he rarely does, partly because he's old and partly for hygienic reasons and also because when you're at PAT's level, there's really no reason to show off.

The Irish Beauty Blog has more information:

Now that wasn’t sciency at all. I took out all the hydra oxidisation atom bonding protein structure stuff for you and just put up some words “we can all enjoy”. In the style of It’s Pat. Remember that filum? A classic. Will never lose it’s hilarity.

Uncle Sammy and his New PC!

2009-12-15T21:36:00.002+01:00

It’s a HP Mini 110 and it’s WHITE like my soul.

Pre-installed was a TOOL called Windows Live Writer.

We’ll see if it will make me more of a live writer. It will work or

everything will be BLACK again. That map will be black or

it’s gonna show the world where I got my HP Mini!!

Stupid blogger! Not showing cool map by nice microsoft plug-in!!

Instead i give you!!! Lank to cool map showing where I got my HP mini

I solve all and everything!

KoalaScan: Marlon

2009-12-13T15:06:00.002+01:00

Look what I scanned a few years ago! Part of a page from Alans Moore & Davis' D.R. & Quinch! And look, it's also Marlon!

Classic SUPERBLOG!!: Rislampa

2009-12-10T22:02:00.000+01:00

I don't have a new post for you today so here's a blast from the past instead; one of your favorite SUPERBLOG!! moments from the last five years, according to reader polls:

KoalaCam #46: Rislampa

I hung this lamp over a bed. It is called a rislampa in Swedish. Rice lamp in English. Rislampur in Icelanndic. Lampe de riz in French. The lamp watches over me, but it doesn't shine.

KoalaCam #46: Rislampa

2009-12-05T12:32:00.001+01:00

I hung this lamp over a bed. It is called a rislampa in Swedish. Rice lamp in English. Rislampur in Icelanndic. Lampe de riz in French. The lamp watches over me, but it doesn't shine.

Alan Moore in Forbes Magazine

2009-12-03T12:24:00.003+01:00

Long-time some-time SUPERBLOG!! contributing prag Moko Chapman (you remember him) (he drew this, among other stuff) created this picture in his computer because he is a genius! Mr. Chapman, I mean, not the computer (who is also male). Although the computer is very clever as well! The picture depicts a vision I once had of Alan Moore as a greedy Watchmen movie-money-grubby-grabbing greedy sort of fellow interviewed by Forbes magazine. The real Alan, who is nothing like that, is nothing like that. Although he wears a similar hat! Hats, Mr. Moore believes, are the seat of man's consciousness. Without hats we would be nothing.

Image © 2009 Alan Moore, Inc. and Michelle Forbes. Used with permission.

What They Made Me Watch in October, 2009

2009-11-28T13:17:00.002+01:00

I usually write short reviews of all the stuff I watched but today I'll just list it in order of decreasing suckitude:

Mutant Chronicles (2008)
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) (way better: ep 1.49)
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)
Uzumaki (2000) (way better: the manga)
Cypher (2002)
Batman Beyond: Season 2 (1999-2000, 24 26 episodes) (way better: B:tAS)
Battlestar Galactica: The Plan (2009)
Son of the Beach: Season 1 (2000, 13 episodes)
The Hebrew Hammer (2003)
South Park: Imaginationland (2007)
Napoleon Dynamite (2004) (R)
Fried Green Tomatoes (1991)
The Company of Wolves (1984)
The Shield: Season 2 (2003, 13 episodes)
LolliLove (2004)
The Shield: Season 3 (2004, 15 episodes)
Snow White: A Tale of Terror (1997)
Trick 'r Treat (2009)
Moon (2009)
All the President's Men (1976) (R)
Tanner on Tanner (2004, 4 episodes)
Brick (2005) (R)
Tanner '88 (1988, 11 episodes)
The Thick of It: The Specials (2007, 2 episodes)

?Why SUPERBLOG!! No Update So Good? (Also: How Not 2 Find SUPERBLOG!! on Twitter)

2009-11-25T16:09:00.003+01:00

I remember when* this was the best blog in the entire universe or at least in the top three** but that seems a lifetime ago*** and now everything has turned to shit. Shit! Everybody's tweeeeeting nowadays and have forgotten the joy that only blogging can give! Not any stupid kind of blogging of course but, specifically, SUPERBLOG!!ing. Here is how sad tweeters are and yes I am of course one of them but not under the nom the crime Kay McEntala or whatever it is I'm using on this here blog right here now but my actual, proper name. Thus and therefore I have to be VERY CAREFUL so that nobody can figure out that my real name is Bill. Bill Hurt. Call me billy. On Tweeter I am @billhurtz (just kidding, that was a totally random link that turned out to actually exist. I am not now, nor have I ever been, affiliated with the billhurtz twit flow. Aside from being a massive fan, of course. MASSIVE FAN.) If you see me on the streets you will recognize me by my stained t-shirt emblazoned with MACROSCOPIC BLOGGING FTW. Either that. Or not.

So, to sum up:

Twitter: Complete suck.
SUPERBLOG!!: Always sucked.

*Never true
**Hyperbole
***It was for some but not for you and me

Always Remember

2009-11-22T14:23:00.000+01:00

In case you are blind and/or can't read, what the image says is "Nothing is any good if other people like it." It's from a t-shirt.

Yeah, Well, What Are You Gonna Do?

2009-11-20T17:32:00.003+01:00

It was worth a shot.

Tomorrow There Will Be A New Post

2009-11-18T17:19:00.002+01:00

I know some of you little piss-ants (no offence) have been complaining behind our backs recently. You've been going on about how SUPERBLOG!!'s posts have been slipping ever so slightly both in quantity and quality. Don't try to deny it, my sources are unimpeachable. Now, far be it from me to call you all whiny assholes who should shut the fuck up. No, I actually think you may have a little bit of a point. So, starting tomorrow, I promise to make amends. In fact, I'm ready to pronounce A NEW DAWN for SUPERBLOG!!!

Hope to see you then!

LIES

2009-11-16T19:29:00.001+01:00

Spider-Man Says: God Wants People to Procreate

2009-11-13T18:12:00.001+01:00

This is for you parents out there. You know who you are, I need mention no names.

4 Years 2 Day!

2009-11-10T12:32:00.000+01:00

Four years! 4! Not me, but an acquaintance of mine. It seems like just a year ago we celebrated the last Asian Birthday. And now there's a new Asian Birthday. They call it... Asian Birthday 2009! Surprise video!! (Warning: Ninjas! Nikes!!)

The History of Mankind by Milo Manara

2009-11-05T20:34:00.000+01:00

Sex and violence - two great tastes that taste great together. Viewable in different form here.

Randomly connected: Michael Bay's keyboard.

Also... no, that's all I have.

Jenna Fischer, 32

2009-11-04T18:13:00.004+01:00

See? I can post whatever I feel like.

Elevated Part 1 and also Part 2

2009-10-30T22:18:00.003+01:00

This happens to me every time I ride an elevator. It's a short film directed by Vincenzo Natali, not to be confused with Natalie Portman. Natali is the guy who did Cube, which I liked (and some other films which I didn't like as much). Natalie Portman is someone else.

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The lesson is as important today as it was back in 1996: BE CAREFUL ON THE ELEVATOR BECAUSE YOU WILL DIE.

April, 1923

2009-10-29T22:03:00.000+01:00

Soon, up in the trees. CHRISTMAS.

I Own the Original of This

2009-10-28T18:40:00.002+01:00

Maybe I'll be a millionaire one day. Then I'll spit down, just like I do now.

KoalaCam #45: Prisoners of the Basket!

2009-10-24T14:34:00.005+02:00

When children are good, they are rewarded with candy and Pingu DVDs. When children are bad, they are placed in baskets, photographed, and turned into Internet amusements. It's the law of the jungle.

(For added punishment, play them some Britney.)

Photo #160: The Fog

2009-10-23T13:20:00.003+02:00

Not today and not yesterday but the day before yesterday I went to Norway. It was a foggy day.

KoalaCam #44: Five Great Movies!

2009-10-20T20:04:00.002+02:00

My local Walmart (or Swedish equivalent) has plenty of DVDs to choose from. There's American Pie 2, and also American Pie: The Wedding. And if you don't like either of those, there's American Pie Presents Band Camp and yes, even American Pie Presents Beta House! Oh, and if, for some reason, you don't like American Pie at all, there's United 93. But who doesn't like American Pie!!

Cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger.

Duck Duck Duck Duck Duck Duck

2009-10-17T19:41:00.002+02:00

It's Saturday night, muthafuggas! It's party time and not one minute we can lose! Da ba da dan dee dee dee da, nee na na na, pretty baby! Etc.

Film Reviews: September, 2009

2009-10-14T18:30:00.012+02:00

Every movie has a moral, though sometimes it is secret. But no matter how cleverly it is hidden, SUPERBLOG!! always finds it. This time around, I will expose the morals of a bunch of films for all the world to see! Like last month, I'll be ordering the films by how good they were, and not, as you might have expected, by how good they weren't. Oh wait, that's basically the same thing. Anyway. We'll start with NOT ALL THAT GOOD and see what happens. Click on the links for better reviews and/or related reading on other sites (mostly The AV Club).

NOT ALL THAT GOOD:

Ali G Indahouse (2002) (R)
So much weaker than the TV series. Moral: Sometimes idiots prosper.

Mum & Dad (2008)
Fairly standard torture porn. Moral: Family is everything.

Superman/Batman: Public Enemies (2009)
I preferred Green Lantern, which I think I reviewed last time. Moral: Don't vote for Lex Luthor.

Bye Bye Birdie (1963)
Moral: Ann-Margret had an ability to be 25 and act 14. Is that a moral? I watched this only because of the Mad Men episode, of course. The only good parts are the beginning and the end.

Viva Las Vegas (1964)
See, this is like a sequel to BBB, only it has the real, less weak, Elvis. Moral: Elvis is king.

The Two Jakes (1990)
Moral: Sequels made too many years after the original (16, in this case) always disappoint.

PRETTY GOOD:

Columbo: Suitable for Framing (1971) (R)
Moral: Crime does not pay. As with all Columbos.

Columbo: Death Lends a Hand (1971)
P I Robert Culp tries to blackmail Ray Milland's younger wife. (But is killed by Ray Milland's older wife! No, there is only one wife. And she is killed by Robert Culp.) Why did I write a plot line for this one but not the other one? You'll never know. Moral: I already told you: Crime does not pay.

Doomsday (2008) (R)
Moral: Sol is king.

Slither (2006)
Moral: Monsters are bad.

In the Company of Men (1997)
Moral: Don't be kind to women.

The Major and the Minor (1942) (R)
Moral: Deception invariably leads to love.

Waitress (2007)
Moral: Live your dreams. Have a kid.

District 9 (2009)
Hmm, I should have linked the title to Roger Ebert's review instead, but now it's too late. What this movie reminds me of the most is Spielberg's AI - basically interesting sci-fi idea, great production design, but suffers from lack of intelligence and a sense of proportions. While I had low expectations for AI (partly because I was, and remain, a huge Kubrick fan), I had very high expectations for this one, based on the buzz. And thus I found it hugely disappointing. The irritating thing is that parts of it are so good that I wish a lot of the rest weren't cliched dime-a-dozen action. Moral: Racism is bad.

GOOD:

Star Trek (2009)
Moral: Space... something.

Brüno (2009)
Moral: Something about being gay? I don't know. I laughed more than I had expected, though.

The Brothers Bloom (2009)
Ambitious. Wikipedia calls it a "postmodern caper film". It's not another Brick, but well worthwhile anyway. Moral: Be careful what you wish for, maybe? The morals idea wasn't very good.

Good Arrows (2009) (R)
Moral: Jenkem is better than heroin.

Thank You for Smoking (2006) (R)
Moral: You should make up your own mind.

EXCELLENT:

Drag Me to Hell (2009)
Alison Lohman is less the female Bruce Campbell than the female Michael J Fox. It's weird to see her playing an actual grown-up. Anyway: A lot of Drag Me to Hell is predictable, including the ending, but it's still a delight. (Can I use the word "delight" without seeming gay? Probably not.) Almost as energetic and fun as the Evil Dead movies. Moral: Be kind to gypsies. Also, Check the envelope.

Juno (2007) (R)
There's been a bit of a backlash in the years since, particularly towards Diablo Cody's hipster dialogue. And yes, a little of it goes a long way (and no, I won't be surprised if Jennifer's Body sucks) but I maintain that in this context, and in Ellen Page's mouth, it works beautifully. Moral: I already told you: People who want kids should have kids.

In Bruges (2008) (R)
Moral: You've got to stick to your principles and blow your own head off.

Primer (2004) (R)
One of my favorite movies of all time. Moral: With great power comes something or other.

P.S.

I also watched Ali G in da USAiii: Season 1 (2003, 6 episodes) and Da Ali G Show: Season 2 (2004, 6 episodes) and Hung: Season 1 (2009, 10 episodes) and The Shield: Season 1 (2002, 13 episodes), but I don't have to make up morals for them, do I? But I'll tell you a little about:

True Blood: Season 2 (2009, 12 episodes)
My initial thoughts, after last season, were that it was still pretty terrible, but a lot more fun. It was slowly developing into a guilty pleasure. But towards the end of the season I snapped out of it and realized that it's incredibly mediocre, and not really worth watching. I think I'll stop here.

and:

Weeds: Season 5 (2009, 13 episodes)
I've always liked Weeds, check out the reviews of season 1 and 2 from back in 2007. It's lightweight and very meandering, but also extremely enjoyable. Then again, somehow I'm always more or less drunk when I watch it, so your mileage may vary.

D.S.

Frankenstein's Mobster

2009-10-12T17:36:00.006+02:00

I have an idea for a film script in which Victor Frankenstein's nephew Hictor Årankenstein* creates a Godfather of Semi-Organized Crime (or G-SOC). I call it Frankenstein's Mobster.

(*Because Frankenstein's sister married a guy called Åke Årankenstein. The film should more properly be called Årankenstein's Mobster but I'm going with Frankenstein for commercial reasons. Frankenstein is the more recognizable and marketable name, especially since many languages don't even use the letter Å.)

Anyway, to make a long story short, Hictor Årankenstein, the nephew, uses electricity to manufacture a creature he calls Bruce Kent (a clever amalgation of the civilian identities of those classic comic book characters, Superman and Batman! It is a sort of foreshadowing). Bruce starts as a lowly garbage sweeper but slowly works his way up through the ranks of Chicago's number one crime family, led by Chicago Charlieson. Finally, in the last scene of the script (SPOILER!), Bruce Kent kills Chicago Charlieson with his broom, which he has had gold-plated. How ironic. The last words of Chicago are, "I leave you now with everything" which Bruce takes as a vote of confidence.

I also have an idea for a sequel in which Bruce travels to space.

Saturday is Water Torture Day

2009-10-10T15:17:00.008+02:00

Oh, pardon me, Mr. "Let's ration everything", but what d'you think we're floating on? Don't you know the poem? "Water, water, everywhere, so let's all have a drink."

- Homer Simpson (not Samuel Taylor Coleridge)

Saturday is lördag in Swedish and was named for washing up. The lör part is originally from the Proto-Germanic word Laugr which means water or water torture. In English the day was named for the planet Saturn which was itself named for the video game consule. Just kidding (HA!), it was actually named for the Roman god of agriculture and harvest and justice and strength. Saturn was pretty much the Supreme Ruler of the Omniverse but he was also a bit of an asshole (which maybe goes hand in hand). He castrated his father Caelus and ate his own children to prevent them from fucking with him (although Jupiter survived, and did indeed fuck with him later on. So one might argue that Saturn was right to try and eat his kids). Incidentally, in Babylon he was called Ninib. Incidentally again, Saturnalia is feast and also a dinosaur.

According to ISO 8601, Saturday is the sixth day of the week, although some contrary Jews and Christians refuse to follow the standard. Throw them to the Lions!

Friday is Fenris Day

2009-10-09T18:14:00.011+02:00

What. No. It's Freja's Day or Frigg's Day. But for me it will always be the day of the incestuous brother-and-sister team Fenris, AKA Andreas and Andrea von Strucker, because they were in X-Men comics when I was a small, impressionable child, and so I always think about them on Fridays. What. No. I haven't thought about them since probably the 1980s or something, when I read the actual comics. (During this period X-Men was written by Chris Claremont and drawn by John Romita, Jr.) They have nothing to do with Fridays. Looking at that picture now it seems to me that Andrea is hot (in an '80s kind of way) whereas Andreas is totally gay. They're white supremacists, though, so they both have ugly souls! (Nevertheless, I would totally do her. What. No.)

I assume the team is named for the mythological (?) (!!!) wolf who bit off the hand of Tyr. But that's a bit stupid because Why The Face do they have to do with him? Except maybe that their dad is Baron Wolfgang von Strucker. Get it? Wolf? It's a bit labored, but that's the only connection I can see. I'm probably missing something.

Wolfgang is, of course, a name common to white supremacists. Other prominent Wolfgangs include Wolfgang Pauli and Oz's Wolfgang Cutler, the Man with the Spoon. If I were a character on Oz, I would be Tim McManus. We don't look alike but we're both idealists and losers and fictional.

Thursday is Thor's Day

2009-10-08T17:56:00.010+02:00

Some asshole may have previously told you that Thursday is Thirst Day but he or she was either misinformed or willfully spreading malicious untruths. Thursday is the fourth day of the week (some say third) and is universally recognized as the day to eat ärtsoppa AKA pea soup. (Not to be confused with pee soup, which is consumed exclusively during a weekend of drunken weirdness.)

Thor has a fuckload of names.

Hey! Meet Bo, the First Dog. What. That's a wrong link for this post.

UPDATE at the same time as the rest so not really an update at all. I found a proper picture of proper Thor. Here he is with his friends Bill Bixby and the Hulk:

Wednesday is Odin's Day

2009-10-07T22:08:00.008+02:00

It is, you could look it up. Today is the day of Odin Quincannon, the malicious meat magnate of Salvation, Texas. He sure liked his meat, that guy. Although the day wasn't actually named for him but for another guy called Odin (or Oden or Woden or Óðinn or Wotan). Here's a biography of the proper Odin. You know, Odin, the living omnipotence:

Kirby's Odin is a bit '60s, as opposed to Quincannon, who is a very 90s kind of guy. But Odin fucking lives, bitches! (And Asgard dies.) Odin is also a Swedish satellite.

And now you know... the rest of the story.

Tuesday is Tyr's Day

2009-10-06T19:05:00.005+02:00

Surely you've heard of Tyr, the Norse god who gave his right hand to Fenrir, the Great Wolf. Tuesday is, quite literally, Tyr's Day in some languages, including Swedish (tisdag).

Tyr is destined to kill and be killed by Garm, the guard dog of Hel. It'll be awesome.

Monday is Moon Day

2009-10-05T19:00:00.004+02:00

If Sammy knew how to label his posts properly, clicking on the word moons would take you to a photo of an evil moon and a realistic plan for world peace. But he doesn't, so it doesn't, so I have to link to them manually. That works too, but it takes a lot of time, and I am a very busy man. But it has to be done, so I do it, totally without complaining. I am like Jesus, only much better - because I am real.

Real like the moon.

Don't Slam Bradley!

2009-10-02T12:29:00.009+02:00

ITEM! It's fashionable to speak ill of Bradley Cooper nowadays, but if you think about it honestly for a moment: Don't you suck just as hard? Maybe even harder, because Bradley has mountains of cash and a gold Lexus and gets whores aplenty (at a Hollywood discount, no less!). Whereas you cry yourself to sleep every night clutching an empty bottle of cheap bourbon.

ITEM! I should post a link to Dracula Part 5 because I believe I linked to the rest. Abhay Dracukhosla! You rock, somewhat.

ITEM! Xenomorph Enchantment Under the Sea, motherfuckers! Dance! Dance!

ITEM! 90s teen hearthrob Luke Perry makes naked Swedish film in the idyllic seaside village of Trosa AKA Panty (no shit), south of Stockholm (also probably true, consult Google Maps). Amazing! I liked it when they bricked him in in Oz. Will he be bricked in this time too? Very possibly.

ITEM! No more items.

Enchantment Under the Sea (UPDATED)

2009-09-28T19:10:00.007+02:00

Moko (stay by your cocoa!) made this after I told him about whatever the hell it was I told him about. I can't remember. But Moko remembers! When he tells me I'll update this post with all relevant facts and you will proudly exclaim "Confused? Not me!!"

UPDATE SEVERAL DAYS LATER: It appears that the memory of the xenomorph/Back to the Future connection has largely been lost in time. One might almost say, like tears in the rain. Time for something else.

Snatching FAIL from the Jaws of Life

2009-09-26T22:22:00.008+02:00

Dear Diary: Here is a riddle for you: Why am I such a FAIL? How is it possible that a person of such awe-inspiring awesomeness as me, I, can simultaneously be the single largest piece of FAIL to ever graduate from FAIL Academy? (And is there even such an institution?! Or is the diploma on my wall just a clever forgery?)

I am tired and I wish I were a different person. I have lost my sense of humor.

Alive Like an Apple !!

2009-09-23T19:59:00.002+02:00

Yes. I live. One day I will be here every day. Another day I will blog every other day. That day is not here yet. Now I must watch IDOL.

There's a Storm Coming!

2009-09-21T18:59:00.002+02:00

Just ask Sarah Connor:

Or Donnie Darko:

Or Harry Potter:

Or even Batman! (maybe):

The storm is a metaphor, see?

"Hands Up!!! Or I Kill You!!"

2009-09-19T19:21:00.003+02:00

Today!

"July!"

2009-09-19T15:15:00.002+02:00

Just checking in to make sure you're okay.

RIP Gay Gorilla

2009-09-16T22:34:00.005+02:00

What with all the excitement and sadness of Patrick Swayze dying, SUPERBLOG!! somehow missed that Titus perished on the very same day:

Titus was born on 24 August 1974. He was named by gorilla researcher Dian Fossey, who was observing his group at the time, after the eponymous protagonist of the Mervyn Peake novel Titus Groan. When Titus was four years old a blackback male joined his group and was named 'Beetsme' by Fossey
[...]
Titus appears to have formed a bond with Beetsme and the pair became the nucleus of an unstable bachelor group. The group was without females for eight years, during which time they were observed engaging in homosexual behaviour.

What the what! However, it should be noted that Titus eventually overcame his gayness to sire "more children than any other gorilla on record". Although he may have had to fantasize about male gorillas to perform the actual penetrations - science isn't sure. But it's still an inspirational story! And now Titus is dead!

RIP Jim Cunningham!

2009-09-15T17:47:00.006+02:00

(Incredibly tasteless joke, yes.)

Didn't Feel Like Posting Anything

2009-09-14T21:56:00.002+02:00

KoalaCam #43: Evil Tree

2009-09-10T17:21:00.002+02:00

Have you ever seen such an evil tree?

It is a pine, I think. Or it could be a beech tree. Or something else. Who can say, really? Only God can tell one type of tree from another, as the saying goes.

Note: not to be confused with a stupid tree. The evil tree is sharp as a tack. Smarter than most ppl I know, in fact. Probably smarter than you.

Are you smarter than a tree?

Bradley Cooper's New Movie Rules a Lot

2009-09-08T12:04:00.002+02:00

Bradley Cooper, perhaps the greatest movie star and human being of the 21st century, has a new hit movie out called All About Steve. Presumably, Cooper plays Steve! And since the movie is all about Steve, you know watching it must be like hanging out in Bradley Heaven. Critics everywhere agree that:

All About Steve is an oddly creepy, sour film, featuring a heroine so desperate and peculiar that audiences may be more likely to pity than root for her.

It's 5% fresh! And has a metascore of 17, indicating Overwhelming dislike. Yes, don't miss out on what Rolling Stone calls an "unwatchable, unbearably unfunny farce", and Boston Globe describes as "a plague best contemplated from many miles away".

Sandra Bullock is also in the film.

Film Reviews: August, 2009

2009-09-06T16:36:00.013+02:00

This time I decided to order everything from SHIT to HIT. No, wait, I'm gonna start with "Kill Me Now" and see where we go from there.

KILL ME NOW:

Hearts in Atlantis (2001)
Anemic, sentimental adaptation of the Stephen King novel (actually only covers one or two of the five stories in the book).

KILL ME SOON:

Mission: Impossible (1996)
Silly, super-predictable, and - worst of all - pretty boring. How can a movie called Mission: Impossible be boring? Is Brian De Palma be the worst director in the world? (Of course not! He's the man behind the awesome Body Double, lest we forget.) Okay, so there is one sequence, set at CIA HQ, which is kind of effective, but that's about it. At least it's better than the sequel.

True Blood: Season 1 (2008, 12 episodes)
Improbably mediocre. I had high hopes for this (I like most of Alan Ball's previous work), but it never lived up to its potential.

Birthday Girl (2002)
The perils of Russian mail-order brides.

Columbo: Negative Reaction (1974)
Photographer Dick Van Dyke shoots his nagging wife. Some Columbos are fairly great, some are okay. This one is okay.

Columbo: Forgotten Lady (1975)
Former star Janet Leigh wants to revive her career.

Me and You and Everyone We Know (2005)
Quirky dramedy. Enjoyable but slight, and way too precious.

MAYBE LET ME LIVE:

Silent Running (1972)
Pretty unlikely eco-science fiction.

Bad Lieutenant (1992)
Starring Harvey Keitel as a good-natured and morally upstanding policeman. Just kidding. Did you know it's being remade by Werner Herzog with Nicolas Cage?

Green Lantern: First Flight (2009)
Direct-to-DVD Timmverse animated film. Fun.

Gregory's Girl (1981)
Charmingly Scottish, with bizarre 80s hair.

Redbelt (2008)
Martial arts drama by Mamet.

OKAY, I'M READY TO EMBRACE LIFE BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THIS STUFF COULDN'T HAVE BEEN BETTER IF IT TRIED HARDER:

John Adams (2008, 7 episodes)
Pretty good chronicle of US Prez No 2, one of the more anonymous Founding Fathers. Tom Wilkinson's Benjamin Franklin repeatedly steals the show.

Heist (2001)
Written and directed by David Mamet. Plus, Gene Hackman stars, so you know it can't be too shabby.

Duplicity (2009)
Corporate spy story by Tony Gilroy. Smart and often surprising, but ultimately both a little too convoluted and a little too predictable. (Some people might have a problem with Julia, too. But I thought see worked okayish.)

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead (2007)
Depressing and titalicious crime drama, with great performances. Nice direction for an 83-year-old. If the film had a forehead I would stamp good-not-great on it. And not in reverse because it's too late to teach Sidney Lumet a lesson. He just does his stuff.

Observe and Report (2009)
AKA Seth Rogen, Dark Mall Cop. Unexpectedly hilarious. Strange.

Mission: Impossible III (2006)
By far the best in the series. Nothing special, just solid Hollywood entertainment. About the level all $150 million movies should be at.

Adventureland (2009)
Mellow and extremely likable coming-of-age comedy from the director of Superbad. Full of great 80s music. (No, that's not a contradiction in terms, asshole.) (Okay, so maybe it is. But what was it Walt Disney said about multitudes? I mean Whitman.)

SO I GUESS I'M DOING LIKE RENTON IN TRAINSPOTTING:

Oleanna (1994)
David Mamet-directed adaptation of his two-person play. William H Macy is a college professor accused of sexual harassment. Not very cinematic but brilliantly written.

Recount (2008) (R)
Extremely well-cast and surprisingly fascinating depiction of the 2000 US election.

The Hurt Locker (2008)
US Army bomb squad adventures in 2004 Iraq. Although not entirely belivable, it's still a very-nearly-great movie.

Brick (2006)
Hardboiled detective story played by high school kids. Uh, that makes it sound like shit, doesn't it? But it's not shit, it's fucking gold. Gold I tells ya!

The Thick of It: Series 1 (2005, 6 episodes)
Brilliant satire of British government. Over-the-top and absurd, yet disturbingly realistic. I was led to this by...

In the Loop (2009)
Smart and very funny British political satire by Armando Iannucci. One of my favorite films of the year so far, and likely to remain at or near the top when the dust settles. (There's going to be a war, see? A war for my affection, fought by movies everywhere.)

KILL ME NOW*:

In Treatment: Season 2 (2009, 35 episodes)
Gabriel Byrne as therapist with problems of his own. Aside from The Wire, this is HBO's best series in years. (So obviously it gets a fraction of the audience of the super-flawed True Blood. That's just the way the world works, I guess.) I miss some of the old patients (actually, I miss all of the old patients) but the new actors are even better and overall this season is sharper, faster paced, less overly dramatic and more real. There probably won't be a third season, but maybe that's for the best. There's nothing left of the Israeli original to adapt, and besides, you should quit while you're ahead.

*Get it?

Choose and Perish!

2009-09-05T10:46:00.007+02:00

As a sort of mashup of the God-Election and Obama is King, I decided to create this monstrosity of a poster image. It depicts (hopefully) our next God, Gozer the Gozerian: Destructor, Traveler, and Man about Town. Gozer, Bon Vivant!

Like Ivo Shandor (the famous early 20th century architect and physician), SUPERBLOG!! is a fanatical Gozer worshiper. Vote Gozer!

Obama is King!

2009-09-04T22:39:00.001+02:00

UPDATE:

God-Election

2009-09-04T17:45:00.006+02:00

I happened to mention in conversation yesterday that there is a GOD-ELECTION coming up in Sweden and I thought I would follow up with a short blog post about this phenomenon. Firstly: to all doubting Thomases: yes, it's true. We Swedes will have the opportunity to vote for our own God. I am voting for Gozer Gozerian AKA Volguus Zildrohar. He deserves my vote. If the Lord of the Sebouillia can't bring light into this era of darkness, who can? Believe in Gozer the Traveler!

(In reality I am not going to vote at all because I don't believe in any, let alone the, God. But I'm still a member of the state church because it is part of my cultural heritage and also because I don't want to miss out on that fat check when the priests decide to sell off all the church's assets to finance their cocaine-fueled altar boy abuse orgies. Or CFABAO for short. p.s. Say no to rape!)

Cowboy Week Continues!

2009-09-03T17:51:00.002+02:00

Look who's peeking out from under his little hat! Why, it's Mr Cokester Jokester himself, Clant Eastwood!

All About Cowboys and the Cattle They Rope

2009-08-30T21:58:00.005+02:00

I've been away for a little while and in just a few hours I have to go away again, for another three or so days. So I haven't been and over the next few days won't be updating this cowboy blog as frequently as I'd wish and possibly not at all. [SARCASM]Fortunately, Uncle Sammy will be blogging as good as or better than usual.[/SARCASM]

This has been SUPERBLOG!! post no. 1600, although in terms of quality it ranks in the mid-1300s.

KoalaCam #42: Now is the Time to Commence Sucking

2009-08-26T16:45:00.007+02:00

Hey dudes and dudettes, remember KoalaCam #41: Hey Mäm? Do you want another post just like it?!? If you look closely at the above photograph, you can see that there are letters on the table. Those letters spell the following sentence:

Börja sug fin våt zexy blod qk mähm

This is probably almost Swedish for:

Start sucking fine wet zexy blood cock, Ma'am.

This is the third and last of the series, I give you my word. My word is my bond. My word is worth a lot in this town. Never again shall alphabet blocks (or whatever they're called in your so-called language, peasants) sully SUPERBLOG!! forever.

What? Why did I add "forever"? That makes no sense. Also: I'm bored with this blog, I should start a new one. A cowboy blog. All about cowboys and the cattle they rope.

Fuglesang FAIL

2009-08-25T10:22:00.003+02:00

Just as always, SUPERBLOG!! top enemy, would-be astronaut Christer Fuglesang AKA Birdsong, has been thwarted by the weather:

Fuglesang was scheduled to join the crew on the Discovery's voyage into space on Tuesday morning but Nasa announced earlier today that a decision had been taken to put off the launch.

Weather is, of course, controlled by God. You might expect Fuglesang to take a hint and remain on the ground. But will he? No. Like a modern-day Icarus, Birdsong continues to attempt to reach the stars, thereby showing his utter contempt for life here on Earth. The Greeks called it hubris, but SUPERBLOG!! calls it FAIL.

God Made Salma Hayek's Breasts (But a Monkey Supplied the Glue)

2009-08-24T17:14:00.004+02:00

I accidentally happened upon a few old SUPERBLOG!! entries like from 2005 or 2006 or something and I noticed that we used to sometimes post about boobs or whatever so here's a sort of flashback to an earlier, better SUPERBLOG!! age: a YouTube clip in which Salma Hayek tells David Letterman how God cooked up the miracle that is her breastage (The secret ingredient is holy water!!). As an added bonus the actual clip is from the year 2006 - the same year as the link I provided a few seconds ago isn't from (because it is from 2005)!! A-maze-ing!

WARNING: Clip mostly contains talking. Don't click if you are allergic to talking.

SWINE FLU SOON!

Muttlecraunch & Flutch

2009-08-23T19:13:00.004+02:00

In lieu of actual blogging, please accept this partial scan of a comic book page.

Weak!

2009-08-20T17:18:00.004+02:00

Have you noticed that SUPERBLOG!! has been weak lately? Oh so weak.

The Best Megan Fox Picture Ever (not really)

A lesson for The Pirate Bay (why didn't I post this link months ago? it might have been fun back then)

Funny or Die: The Ballad of G.I. Joe (mostly Die)

Abhay Khosla's Bram Stoker's Dracula Chapter 4! (if i were a better blogger i would link to parts 1 thru 3, or least a previous post linking to them)

SWINE FLU NOW.

KoalaCam #41: Hey Mäm

2009-08-17T17:15:00.002+02:00

This might be viewed as a continuation of KoalaCam #40: Fin Kq Superblog.

The time: Midsummer.
The place: The country.

Having accomplished the amazing Fin Kq feat, me and my silent partner, The Enemy of the Internets, set our sights higher. We vowed to create an entire mini-epic, composed of every single letter of the Swedish alphabet! (28!) Impossible, you say? So science thought, until SUPERBLOG!! proved that only nothing is impossible! The mini-epic is reproduced in full here, translated into Newspeak:

Hey ma'am, start sucking fine wet blood zex qock!

Fuck off, James Joyce.

Thursday is Thirst Day

2009-08-13T18:18:00.009+02:00

Get it? It's a play on words. Let's see what the Internets have to offer today.

Picture above from Abhay Khosla's Bram Stoker's Dracula, of which you can now also read chapter two and chapter three. It's a strange coincidence that he started a new comic just as soon as I finally got around to reading his last one. Could it be that he is secretly monitoring my reading habits? Probably, yes.

Speaking of reading comics online on these here Internets, yesterday I also finally read Inio Asano's Nijigahara Holograph, a fairly awesome manga about... about a lot of stuff, really. I don't know how to describe it. Wait, I do: It's 292 pages long.

My erstwhile SUPERBLOG!! partner Uncle Sammy very rarely clicks on links because he is an enemy of the Internets, but he'll click on this one: Conservapedia! Yes, it's Wikipedia for rightwing nutjobs. Beyond bizarre.

Superboy says ‘Know Your Country!’ Kids hate Scandinavian Sigrid because she eats kottbuller! (It's köttbullar, idiots!)

YouTube: Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue Part One - animated drug prevention television special introduced by George Bush Sr. (There's some further info on Wikipedia but sadly not on Conservapedia.)

Just sad: I love you, failed viral marketing campaign for Beth Cooper!

Michael Jackson Public Domain Countdown (also): Only 70 years and 141 days to go! Obviously copyright laws are completely sane and don't need to be reformed at all.

Funny Candy Man ! Man Candy Mandy!

2009-08-12T11:28:00.001+02:00

Fish Baby

2009-08-10T17:21:00.009+02:00

It appears that a fish baby was brought into the world today, courtesy of someone mentioned here (in the midst of all the darkness!) and possibly other people as well. I have no idea how many people it takes to make fish babies. Congratulations to everyone involved!

(Actually, I don't think either of them read SUPERBLOG!! but since this blog doubles as my diary slash notebook nowadays, I'm posting it anyway, as a reminder to myself of which date it took place on. Pretty smrt, huh?)

(P.S. remember to buy milk)

KoalaCam #40: Fin Kq Superblog

2009-08-06T16:50:00.001+02:00

The alphabet is composed of individual letters, the number of which varies according to what language you use. In Swedish, there are 28 or 29 different letters (depending on whether you count W separately).

Letters can be arranged to form words and, sometimes, even complete sentences! One extra fine example of a complete sentence can be seen in the photograph above. Fin qk is Swedish for nice-locking dick. Superblog is actually English - the correct Swedish spelling would be Superblogg.

Tale of the Elephant

2009-08-05T22:12:00.002+02:00

This is a revised and greatly expanded version of a story that first appeared elsewhere.

TALE OF THE ELEPHANT, PART THE FIRST.

There once was an elephant called Mr Elephantface (sometimes spelled Elefantphace). He had a hat and it was stupid. But his blue jacket!!!! It ruled. Sometimes, not always. His blue jacket was made of skin.

To be continued...

SUPERBLOG!!

Hello! Goodbye! We own the night!

You're Wrong!

Old Things New!

Soon: Doom

Something

600 Hours to Doom!

Films in Order from Good to Bad, June-July 2010

Who Throws Cheese Honestly? and other pictures

Robbing the Pope!

I'm Starting a Circus of Crime

Harry Gaylord and the Goblet of Cum

Stupid Blog! Be More Funny!!

Gee Fraza!

We Con the World

Films in Order from Good to Bad, April-May 2010

Bernard Calsong (1803-1845)

SPOILER: It is piss

Films in Order from Good to Bad, February-March 2010

Ugo Boncompagni

Spider-Sauce

I Shall Become A Keamy

1667 POSTS OF FALI

OMD!!

Film Reviews (Not Really), January 2010 (Two Months Ago)

Just Checking In to Let You Know That Al Gore Still Rules

Experts Agree: Climate Change Exists and Al Gore is Awesome!

Bash Gore More!

The Butterfly Effect

Happy New Year

What They Made Me Watch in December, 2009

One Week Without SUPERBLOG!! is Like One Week Without Water

KoalaCam #47: A Person

Straight Talk Express!

The CoNdom King!

Happy New Year

What They Made Me Watch in November, 2009

Murphymass is Nearly Over

The Ten Murphys of Murphymass!

RIP Brittany Murphy, 32

THIS JUST IN: Patrick "The Stew" Stewart to Win Big Award

Uncle Sammy and his New PC!

KoalaScan: Marlon

Classic SUPERBLOG!!: Rislampa

KoalaCam #46: Rislampa

Alan Moore in Forbes Magazine

What They Made Me Watch in October, 2009

?Why SUPERBLOG!! No Update So Good? (Also: How Not 2 Find SUPERBLOG!! on Twitter)

Always Remember

Yeah, Well, What Are You Gonna Do?

Tomorrow There Will Be A New Post

LIES

Spider-Man Says: God Wants People to Procreate

4 Years 2 Day!

The History of Mankind by Milo Manara

Jenna Fischer, 32

More Post-it Art: The Last Mayor of Falun

Elevated Part 1 and also Part 2

April, 1923

I Own the Original of This

KoalaCam #45: Prisoners of the Basket!

Photo #160: The Fog

KoalaCam #44: Five Great Movies!

Duck Duck Duck Duck Duck Duck

Film Reviews: September, 2009

Frankenstein's Mobster

Saturday is Water Torture Day

Friday is Fenris Day

Thursday is Thor's Day

Wednesday is Odin's Day

Tuesday is Tyr's Day

Monday is Moon Day

Don't Slam Bradley!

Enchantment Under the Sea (UPDATED)

Snatching FAIL from the Jaws of Life

Alive Like an Apple !!

There's a Storm Coming!

"Hands Up!!! Or I Kill You!!"

"July!"

RIP Gay Gorilla